Epic gospels: A life less peggy.

::my::journal::drawing board::fickle homepage::

Vintaged Life:

 
sex on a beach ball Monday, September 4, 2006 12:12 a.m.

hey guys,
i think i might retire from peggy.pitas.com. it's just agh. anyway i'm going to try to still blog but consolidate my shit onto either a book or on yet another blog site that doesn't require html.
I've moved to:
http://letterstomae.multiply.com/journal
I might still use this pita but i doubt it... :-(

it still works!! Wednesday, August 9, 2006 01:54 p.m.

holy shit! i'm still alive!
Do i still remember html?
hell no!
but! i'm going away on a trip to GREECE and when i come back.... immmagonnastartblogginagainaganagainagaiagnaagain!

who the eff is peggy anyway?! Tuesday, December 20, 2005 11:38 a.m.

There's no way in hell i'm going to write an entire entry cataloguing the last 3 months. I've been through hell and back and now i'm the devil (moreso).
When i look at the amount of things that has happened within the first semester, it looks like a mountain!
ONWARD HO!

adventures in smarmyland Wednesday, September 7, 2005 09:22 p.m.

Well the first official day of classes wasn't so bad. I thought i could escape the awkward 'get to know your neighbor games' unfortunately in the tutorial our T.A. tricked us into doing several of them. But on the plus side i know a few people now. I had a fairly friendly conversation with this skater/sid vicious punk guy who sat beside me in the lecture and across from me at the tutorial. I also had an adventure getting lost looking for the bookstore with the girl who sat adjacent to me at the tutorial.
Coincidentally both of them had previously spent one year in another school realizing they hated it and then applying to OCAD. smart kids. I however just had to finish what i started.
For some reason, OCAD houses a large majority of Koreans. I'm not exaggerating in the slightest, probably 3 out of 5 Asians there are Korean. The aforementioned girl asked me where I was from (fully knowing what she meant) i told her "burlington" and then eventually she asked me my background. Haha so typical amongst us to inquire these things.

Smarmy Week pt.2 Tuesday, September 6, 2005 10:05 p.m.

I feel like a huge loser. It's awkward. I just want to get through this week:
A. haven't rapidly made new friends. Which I know sounds unrealistic but it's disappointing. it's funny to see all the groups of people who applied to ocad together.
B. i can't stand the way the majority of the people dress (mostly pseudo hipster style/indie rock look/contrived/etc.)
C. I destroyed my cell phone. It fell out of my bag when i got out to check my parking job at the GO station. Not realizing this i got back into my car and realigned my car. After the orientation I got back to find one sadly crushed barely used 2-yr old silver flip phone looking very scratched. I can still use it and the receiver/earpiece is all functioning perfectly, i just can't use the LCD display. I don't want to buy a new phone but i'll have to in a month or so... I just know it's going to be a major hassle to transfer my number over and ugh.
Wednesday, then Thursday and finally Friday i'll be off and downtown to see my newborn nephew and help my sister with cooking and maintaining her sanity.

THE END. Monday, September 5, 2005 10:40 p.m.

I have a massive photo entry coming up summing up the last 30+ days.
Tomorrow is the beginning of the school orientation week. Yes, my ever amazing always fascinating and sometimes entertaining life is continuing off where i last left it before i segued off into the mini-series hit: Life in Minutia: The Cubicle Chronicles.
hahaha. It really doesn't seem like yesterday that i was cursing my idiotic penis faced ex-manager, Fred Babbie. Or the incident with Camille "the cunt" Baldeo. Because it wasn't.
Anyway, that overrun anecdote two years of my life has finally ended.
OPEN THE FLOODGATES TO THE SEA OF SMARM: LOVE WEEK BEGINS TOMORROW.
2 days a go-go. Wednesday, July 27, 2005 09:41 p.m.

Blink twice. Why? Because after that, the disgruntled-office-worker chapter of my life will have hopefully closed forever.
Today Ruth (aka sugar mama) bought pizza for the entire department in honor of me leaving. They also bought two cakes (the department, not ruth) for me, another girl who is leaving after me and another woman who is leaving for her maternity leave in a week. So first i'm going, then the pregnant lady and then that other girl that nobody really knows.
I received a card from the department, the card was so packed with signatures and notes that some of my friends had to write on the backside. I also got a metal cd container emblazoned with the company logo. Cheesy I know, but i figure i can always use one of those things. (they're just lucky that Ruth did all of this otherwise it would've been really lacking..)
I brought my camera and snapped one or two photos, nothing major. I had to give a mini speech, surprisingly i was a bit nervous... I said that i was 'surprised' but everyone saw through that and i received a big "yeahhhh riiight!". I thanked everyone and said that it was a really great learning experience working there. Which is no lie. I didn't say it was great working there, i said the learning experience was great-big difference.
However even though my sixth sense was in tune for this next surprise, receiving it was still shocking. Ruth has been poking at my curiosity for the last 3 months, saying she has a really great present for me. And while her final gift to me wasn't exactly what she had planned, getting $1200 in cold hard cash was still pretty fucking mind blowing. The wad of bills is on my desk right now and intend on questioning her mental state tomorrow. If she is sane and realizes she's crazy and wants the money back, i'll gladly return it. If not, my bank is right across the street. Into my high interest account it goes.
She told me she wanted me to go on a vacation before i go back to school-or at least anytime soon, the only condition would be that i'd have to mail her a postcard from wherever destination i chose. I told her due to my sister's baby this August, the likelihood of me taking a trip would be slim. However, i did say that with this money i should be able to go to San Francisco next year and with the leftover money, Hong Kong!!
It's true, she said that $1200 should be enough for a weekend trip in new york (shopping/food/hotel) but... I love San Francisco and I haven't been to Hong Kong in 12 years.
(plus the shopping in HK is way better!!)
Of course i have a parting gift for Ruth, it may not be cash but I think when you're rich, getting money or expensive gifts is the last thing you want. At least I know i like getting hand made gifts moreso than gift certificates (unless the money is from my parents or rich benefactors-because then it's okay).
Throughout the course of this year I randomly ask her questions about music and various cheesy musicians if she liked them and so on. This gift for her will have so much inside humor that only Ruth, my adjacent neighbor whom i will equally miss-Jane, and myself will get. The rest will be baffled.
All i can say is this much, i have the tracklist of the songs, I have pictures of a certain individual at work, and i found large image of michael jackson's Thriller on google. I think she'll really like it.
This friday should be good too. I'm curious to see the outcome.
Oh yeah... on top of the farewell luncheon, someone got officially fired at work. We got an 'effective immediately' so and so is no longer with EDULINX. Now that just doesn't happen every day. I've invited that individual to my dinner party, so hopefully she'll still come to fill me in on the details.
I also need a haircut. Really badly.

life. is. sweet. (L.I.S) Thursday, July 21, 2005 05:13 p.m.

Things are amazing right now. All the people that have been bothering me up to this point I've successfully managed to piss off. Suckers.
I don't know if it's because it's the end of the day or because i have to walk the dogs in a few minutes but i'm feeling far too lethargic to type out the whole ordeal.
All i know is that a few days ago my hypocritical cow of a team leader reprimanded me for talking to my coworker and thereby being unproductive. But she didn't directly say she wanted me to sit down she used the premise that 'other people' were complaining to her. Absolute bullshit.
So i says to her i says...
"oh that's right, because doing your makeup at your desk and chatting with Phyllis about eyemakeup is so much more productive. yeah."
All i can say was that she was too flustered to even meet my eye and stuttering on the spot she sort of turned her back to me and said 'what?' I retorted confirming that i did in fact see her and heard her. She scuttled away and muttered "it was only five minutes!!". Horseapples. I know everything you Jersey cow, don't even try to pull a fast one over me because you're too damn slow.
While she may think that hell hath no fury than a woman scorned, she certainly hasn't met the incarnation of the furies in asian form. Or in any form for that matter.
It's common knowledge that i'm leaving next friday and furthemore that i don't care about work at this point. I don't see what's wrong with that, i do my work (barely) and have a good time and then leave.
So at the end of my day, Yvonne (the bovine) does a number check to see how much work we've done. I've done the least amount, big fucking deal. So instead of saying anything to me, she runs to the manager and tells him that 'people were complaining saying it wasn't fair that i'm leaving and i get paid to slack'. I sat down with my manager afterwards and he said 'i understand that you've lost motivation to do work because you're leaving-totally understandable-but for me could you just try a little bit before you go?' or something to that extent. I brushed that off and we talked about dinner reservations for the party i'm planning.
Not even that shrivelled prune, camille, cares that i'm slacking off, how could she? she's too busy flirting with the younger men around her and limping like an invalid to even bother. Plus i know it was yvonne the brown, as in cow. (yes, her name is yvonne brown).
Anyway i noticed this paper that was on her wall, talking about "small minds think only about people bla bla bla, great minds think about ideas".
So upon leaving, i had originally intended on taking the page and putting it on her monitor circling the small mind section. But because she was at her desk when i left, i simply said the following...
"So Yvonne, what's this?"
"it's a proverb. you know?"
"hm. right. this is true."
And with that i took my pen and circled the desired section and walked away. Tomorrow I plan on telling her that in case she didn't know it already, i was directing that remark to her.
The thing about Yvonne is that she tries so hard to impress everyone with her fancy and expensive appearance and a pseudo classy manners. The reality is that with her pay and family, i know that her income doesn't support her fancy lifestyle, or it does but that's only because she has a rich husband who pays for everything. Either way, she probably only makes like.. 10k more than me. big fucking deal. You're still in the lower income bracket you cunt.
Oh! I also made reservations for my dinner farewell party. Pretty fun, it's going to be at an expensive steakhouse. hahaha i have this faiiiint feeling that my rich benefactor will pay for me... but i have my visa ready and willing.

18%!! Sunday, July 17, 2005 10:11 p.m.

Holy shoot. i bought the latest installation of Harry Potter and i had no time/desire to even read past the first paragraph.
Saturday I met my Chen side of the family and learned that everyone on that side of the family is ultra cool and way classy. I blew a wad on clothing to wear that night because i left the house underdressed for the occasion no thanks to my mom.
Sunday, my sister bought a gameboy advance, i helped her with priming her banisters, bought a pair of bermuda shorts, a gold/turquoise belt, and my second gameboy game.
Running tomorrow at 4:30, and still no desire to read HP.

Ghetto gold and vintage irritation. Tuesday, July 5, 2005 09:23 p.m.

I'm really sick of working with Indian people. The fact that i'm leaving in 18 business days is only making my threshold for their rudeness and foul odor decrease exponentially.
Obviously there are exceptions but for the most part. shit. so rude.
I had a conversation with a co-worker and while i was finishing i noticed one of the newer temporary agency employees approaching me. I ended the conversation. She acknowledges me with her too red lipstick and yellow crooked toothed smile.
"Hi Brian."
After saying this she thrusts an orange sheet towards my hand area. I noticed the sheet, and i fully know what she wants: an english translation on a french document. What has always bothered me about this (in case you haven't noticed) is that she didn't ask me for anything but rather just pushed something at me, like i'm an office appliance. She often does this.
I play dumb and ask
"Hi, do you need my help for something?"
"mayyyybe! tee hee!"
Ii'm not in the mood at all for these games. i want to leave my job as quickly as possible, if i could hold my breath to speed up time i would. Quickly annoyed i reply:
"Well, maybe if you asked a question, i could help you."
Her fake smile flashes off faster than her cheap lipstick could stain her yellow teeth.
"I don't need that attitude! if you don't want to help me..."
I further explained to her that she didn't ask me a question and sarcastically apologized. All i know is that i'm not tolerating this crap anymore and by the end of the month i'll have taken a bite out of every single coworker who bothers me.
Anyway earlier this morning our workroom was locked magically and we were delayed for about two and a half hours. it was wonderful. what was even more entertaining was the fact that a friend of mine had emailed me a copy of Paris Hilton's phone book. I sat in tears laughing at my coworker (who has the hots for Vin Diesel), as she called Mr. Diesel himself on her work line. A british woman answered, we both suspect it was his assistant. By the end of the day poor Vin's number was given to 3 very desperate edulinxwives.
I know this Gold Seiko i have should do, but i still desperately want a gold Rolex. One with diamonds. oh man... epitome of decadent!

Summer of the Visa Wednesday, June 29, 2005 08:14 p.m.

Well i've certainly managed to spend water like money. i mean.
I mowed the lawn in the 30 plus weather after work. Intense heat aside, my skin needed the vitamin D. Unfortunately my right knee/thigh didn't need the one dozen lashes of the weed wacker aka the-cat-of-furiously-rapid-and-sometimes-rabid-nine-tails.
Yes, i have become a victim of a favorite summer pastime gone careless. Upon finishing the edges of the lawn, i was in a hurry to bundle up the edger/weedwacker and i accidentally hit the handle button and it spun a good few dozen revolutions around my right leg. It didn't slice into my leg despite what i thought. I'm sure I'll have a pleasant tiger stripe like scar across my leg in a few days...
Afterwards i had to hastily shower and drive to my dental appointment. A full oral x-ray, some teeth scraping, a horrible tasting fluoride rinse, a complimentary floss with toothbrush set and a $175 bill later, i'm finding myself sitting at my desk realizing that i just spent $300 something today without even realizing it.
During my insomnia last night, i remembered i really wanted those dr. martens i so ranted about a few months ago. Sure enough i found them on ebay (a lot cheaper than zappos). After exchanging a few emails with the seller, i am now the soon to be proud owner of a pair of engineer's boots. Now all i can think is how cool i'll look with a pair of Mad Max boots and black jeans...
Now i just need black jeans. I threw out my so called 'good pair' because i realized they made my legs look like two gigantic thighs.

i almost forgot Tuesday, June 21, 2005 10:42 p.m.

i cut my hair on SUNDAY.
also, at the last minute i've managed to amass several course outlines just in time for registration and transferring credits. big P-H-E-W.

GIRLS ON FILM! Tuesday, June 14, 2005 05:39 a.m.

There's no humidity in the air let alone smog. ahhhhh now i feel all energized and glowing like some placebo infused moron on a pharmaceutical advert.
man, running at 4:30am is the best idea ever. I got up at 4:20 and surprisingly i wasn't that exhausted, i thought i'd be dead last night because i tried to sleep at 8 (but to no avail, i ended up falling asleep at around 10:30). I finished the full route in just under 40 mins. I might time myself tomorrow.

i love you emmpio! Sunday, June 12, 2005 10:22 p.m.

Well self, you've done it again. (no not ebay, even though you shouldn't have bought that armani and you know it!)
I started my 4.5 kilometer epic evening ritual tonight. Earlier today i bought a tiny mp3 player specifically meant for excercise. In other words, a lot smaller than my ipod and equipped with a funky armband and killer earbuds. It was so fun running around the neighborhood. It felt so cool seeing this funky black armband. Plus, the songs were perfect too, i found myself so engrossed in running that i didn't even want to switch tracks.
At the end, my face burned with victory. As did my feet.

let's begin the countdown: Sunday, June 5, 2005 08:45 p.m.

40 BUSINESS DAYS LEFT.

feel good:forever broke! Friday, May 20, 2005 10:02 p.m.

just call me LEATHER MAMA. My biker jacket finally arrived. it fits perfectly. oh man. 2005 is looking to be a fantastic year of change.

if you want me to stayyyy Tuesday, May 17, 2005 08:34 p.m.

Ok so my pearls arrived today. I'm loving this shopping spree because every day is like christmas... except i pay for everything.
BUT!!!!...
Holy crap these pearls are totally small (like .5 cm long!). Which is a good and a bad thing. I was sorta hoping they'd be a little bigger like in the magnified picture... But. I'm glad they're small. i can use them as accents to the other beads i intend on buying (locally). For my next step, i'll have to go downtown to Kensington Market and buy several strands of inexpensive vegetable based beads/glass beads. I don't want to spend a lot more... because I want to start selling these bad boys soon and i already have a list of clientele (at work)...
The price range..hm.. i think with the small pearls will be around.. 25-30 bucks. and i'll make a promo like buy 1 and get the second one for $5 less and so on. I'm still waiting on the larger/round pearls i ordered after the first two orders.
And if this all falls through, hey i'll have 13 REAL pearl necklaces i can wear simultaneously... hahaha oh geez.

hallelujah praise POINT-CUTTING. Monday, May 16, 2005 05:30 a.m.

well i gave myself a haircut last night. I'm gradually trying to cut my hair more like the way yeemi does it-so that meant using a comb and scissors, point cutting and barely using the clippers.
It takes longer. Note to self; stop cutting hair on sunday nights. Oh well, I finally see the benefits of point-cutting vs. blunt straight on snips.
The first official BLOCK PARTY is next week. hahaha i can't believe it. i'm actually pretty excited about this. I got my daiquiri and pina colada mix ready, all i need now is a lawnchair and i'm set for a night of fireworks and mutual awkwardness!

black pearls, white pearls, high pearls, low pearls, Tuesday, May 10, 2005 09:22 p.m.

THE GOOD LORD KNOWS I DON'T NEED ANY MORE WHOLESALE PEARLS.
As soon as i get all 500 whatever amount in the mail, i'm going to start taking orders.
Of course, i'm saving one strand for myself.
In case you didn't realize... Tuesday, May 3, 2005 08:28 p.m.

I love shopping.
man oh man! it's a great time to be buying stuff!! i just flirted with the idea of buying a murakami wallet but then yeah. now that is silly. I don't need that kind of fad status symbol. I also just received my first item in the mail. An Izod Lacoste golf shirt in brilliant pink. c'est incroyable!
This saturday or sunday i'll end it all with a pair of jeans and then that's it. I will have bought one item for each day of the week (spread over 2 weeks of course).
This week i'm working crazy overtime hours now but ah. it's great to be able to really splurge when you want.
Right now I'm working on the punch line of a card i've designed for a coworker's surprise birthday party tomorrow. she will be floored. funniest thing to date (another coworker, a black plum like man, on marilyn monroe's body-the front page has her mouthing the words 'happy birthday mr. president' and on the inside will be the plum monroe). there's just too many inside jokes to count.
Genius. I love making birthday cards.

damn you marc jacobs! Thursday, April 28, 2005 12:13 a.m.

DAMN YOU EBAY!!

If you.. Tuesday, April 26, 2005 08:53 p.m.

Man. ebay is like... my true weakness. I cannot believe this morning i bought another pair of Vivienne Westwood earrings (a legit pair this time-half price of the fake pair) and about an hour ago i accidentally bought ONE izod lacoste golf shirt...i misread the labels and mixed my excitement with seeing numbers and the pictures and well i thought i was buying 5 golf shirts but in fact it was just one. Ugh. needless to say i've almost spent $200 in the last 3 days. And while the golf shirt will go amazingly well with the earrings... crap!!! I never buy anything full price!!!! or almost full price...It's against my fundamentalist thrift credo AGH!
Ebay is now blocked and my open wound of a bank account has to be left alone now to heal for the remaining months.

money owing:$0. Monday, April 25, 2005 10:32 p.m.

whew. i just finished doing my tax return. I think i did it right... I'll have to get my sister to look it over before i send it out this weekend. But if all goes well, i'm putting all of it back into my savings. weee..... and that'll be a very nice boost.
i fell asleep on the guest bed after walking the dogs today. I decided to pass up excercise for a nap because i was so deathly tired on the long drive home today. The radio is getting increasingly crappy as time progresses. LIPPY BEATS PEOPLE! LIPPY BEATS!
oh yeah, i emailed the Vivienne Westwood earring vendor. "no the original box does not come with them. sorry" haha they're totally fake. whatever. i'm still telling everyone they're real.

live and learn Sunday, April 24, 2005 01:47 a.m.

i just realized i probably bought fakes.
i knew the vendor was chinese, what i didn't know was that he's from Guong Dong. the land of "nice fakes". My cousin had JUST told me earlier today that she wish she could go to this city for that very same reason. i just found out his location after winning the bid. oh well. i'm starting to see a trend now..
Well if i really want, i could just bring the earrings to my aunt and uncle have them make rubber molds out of the fakes and have real stones set in them. hahaha. not such a bad thing after all.
besides, even the real mccoys are made with cheap materials and start at around $300.

craving for bling Sunday, April 24, 2005 01:35 a.m.

oh my shit. i just bought a pair of vivienne westwood orb earrings off of ebay. yes. i registered for ebay today and bought something within 8 hrs.
i've had the biggest craving for jewellery. i think this rush just wet my palate. oh crap what have i done?!
just call me il papa. A friend of mine called them 'pope earrings' and another friend called them 'holy bomb earrings'. oh geez. i am really putting my style to the test if i can pull these off without looking like a complete idiot.
I'd better be able to because I JUST BOUGHT THEM!!

Dear self, Thursday, April 21, 2005 08:04 p.m.

1. got yeemi to fix up the mohawk. so now it's layered out again and nicely trimmed. I was surprised, with her new promotion, she only cost about $10 more than regular. it's good to be a guy.
2. i finally went out with yeemi for a smoke break. she would always ask if i was going outside after each haircut. but every time i had to go-today i had time to wander around. Upon going out i learned:
A. she's a lesbian. (Hm. my sister was right after all.)
B. On her back she has a wicked tattoo on in progress and...
C. I learned of a really great (and cheap) tattoo japanese artist downtown. yeemi gave me the tattoo artist's card.
3. I bought some more earrings. I had in mind to get some tiny diamond studded hoops, i figured they were glam rockish. I did find the hoops. But i also came across these chanel diamond logo earrings. So i bought those too. hahaha they're so ghetto fabulous.
4. I learned that what i want is going to be the next hugest thing, naturally it's impossible to find. I wanted to get a small solid gold cursive "B" earring. Just one. However none were to be found anywhere. i might beg my aunt and uncle to make me one and give it to my mom when she goes to SF.
5. I might grow out my hair. I really like having the mohawk but it's way too high maintenance! I'm thinking i'll grow it out maybe next year or something. preferably during the fall/winter, so i can wear a hat.
6. When school comes i think i'll have no problems getting a job at square one (if i want one), i know so many of the store workers and they're always so friendly to me. It shouldn't be a problem.
7.Tomorrow I have an alumni reunion. I have the perfect thing to wear, a vintage neon pink/yellow/blue plaid Ralph Lauren shirt i picked up last week, washed out relaxed faded jeans, leather flip flops and my chanel earring (i bought a pair but i only wear one). ah perfection.
8. Volumes at work are pretty low, so i had a half day today and tomorrow has been cancelled. Finally a nice long weekend where i had no choice but to accept.

Thursday, April 14, 2005 05:37 a.m.

I hate it when people use highschool to gauge their intelligence.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005 05:30 p.m.

I thought my stress today due my acceptance to ocad. i'm caring less and less about work and while i'm consciously trying not to slack off and maintain a diligent work ethic, my pent up glee is building up in my subconscious-resulting in many asinine errors showing up and thereby decreasing the quality of my work.
However it wasn't my steadily decreasing accuracy that was bothering me, no, actually it was that i still haven't received my physical letter of admissions from ocad. While driving home i was nearly comatose due to lack of good music. Fighting off the sleeps, i concentrated on figuring out what to say to the infernal admissions office for losing my letter.
I mean I live in Burlington, it should take less than a week for something to arrive from Toronto.
The admissions office was spared my wrath and brimstone, i received the letter today and i just finished accepting their offer of admission online.
Next is paying the $300 confirmation deposit. after that i can resume my coma.

arabia, arabia, whisk me away Sunday, April 10, 2005 05:29 p.m.

Ok, so. (that's going to be my band name)
Ok, so, i've got about.. 4 months left until quitting. My dad and i were talking about travelling today on our way back home from going out with the Tam Clan.
When asked what was the one place i wanted to visit, i stated all around the pacific rim area, but only because it's been a while since i've travelled. Actually the only place i want to go is to see my uncle and aunt in San Francisco.
I just might quit a bit earlier and do that. we'll see. i sorta want to take a cooking class there (my sister did this, it sounded really cool).
I just want to make sure i'm back in time to be around when Dawn has her baby.
Also, my friend's friend is going to the middle east. She's bringing back my friend some gold/silver nameplates (in english and arabic), i asked if i could get her to bring me some. Oh man!!! i want two plates, one of my name in arabic and in english and in TWENTY FOUR KARAT GOLD!!
And if that falls through i just might order it online from some site i found a while ago. I've been meaning to get a nice gold nameplate for a long ass time.

doe is for death!! Tuesday, April 5, 2005 07:03 p.m.

Allow me to reverberate today's events:
1. i slept in. an extensive workout combined with going to bed late resulted in me sleeping in over an hour.
2. Realizing i overslept, i called my coworker whom i told i'd pick up on and left a message on his cell saying i couldn't pick him up. 3. I took my time, seeing there was no point to panicking i decided to leave the house at 7:30. Throwing on whatever i wanted (loose khaki slacks, a red ferrari t-shirt, a black button down jersey and some brown slip ons).
4. The hair glue i bought for $5 yesterday proved to be totally worth it. It spread like butter and stuck like tar. Exactly like my B&B product but less than 10% of the price.
5. Driving up towards the highway, a deer, more specifically a doe, jumped out of the bushes as I passed. Fortunately, I was driving 40-45km/h. I slammed on the brakes, allowing it to pass, however it still banged it's hindlegs on my car. Judging from it's speed, it was bruised at the worst. But most likely it was merely spooked-myself not excluded.
6. I arrive at work at 8:10 almost an hour late. I work, work and work. Finally at 4:30, it's go time. And so i did.
7. Got home. Made rice in the ricecooker. Walked the dogs. Worked out. I'm going to grill a steak now.
8. repeat as desired.

gurrgle... Monday, April 4, 2005 10:03 p.m.

ugh. i just cut my hair today. I didn't do such a stellar job this time around. or maybe i'm just used to the way it looks. I also didn't bother putting in tracklines this time. I almost want to book an expensive appointment with yeemi this week just to even out the mess. but I think i'll wait until after my visa bill is over.
I heard two kickass songs today on my way to and from work:
to work: go with the flow-queens of the stone age
from work: Karmastition (remix)-alicia keys
i still have to get both of these cds...

get those KISS faces ready because... Sunday, April 3, 2005 04:36 p.m.

I GOTS ME A POWERBOOK!

This love is SERIOUS! Sunday, April 3, 2005 09:25 a.m.

4.5 months until quitting time!
I've tossed out that cash countdown, screw that-things are official now.

ugh. Wednesday, March 30, 2005 05:34 a.m.

Ok so my design teacher whom i refused to keep in contact with since he accused me of stalking him, has the nerve to email me and grovel for donations for a fundraiser he's all in love with.
yeah ok.

"hey! you were amazing in RUSH HOUR 2!" Tuesday, March 29, 2005 08:33 p.m.

A friend at work asked me if i wanted to go downtown to see P.Diddy at Much Music. After about 5 minutes of thinking, i agreed.
After work I met up with him, we drove down to the Kipling Station and managed to get to the tv station within a decent time. Unfortunately we weren't early enough, otherwise we would have received leather tote bags filled with tons of goodies. ughhh.
Oh well, as much as i despise Sean John, well less so now, i still didn't have any problems with snagging some free giveaway t-shirts he was tossing to the audience. I picked a lovely day to wear something slightly off kilter also. I was wearing my brown cargoes rolled up my calf, navy blue highsocks, black runners, an orange hoody, a brown jacket and a brown plaid scarf. At work this turned many heads, i thought i'd get laughed out of town but i got a lot of compliments, oddly enough.
I know i caught some people looking when i was downtown, my friend told me that he caught a few people at the tv studio checking out the outfit-so if you see Sean John doing some dark sock/rolled up pants/hoody getup next season. you know where that hack stole it..
But yeah i got some nice t-shirts, a black one with a yellow circular logo, and a red "Sean John" signature t-shirt, both of which are worth $60 each. The black one is extra large and almost reaches my knees. it's fun and pretty comfy. I should also mention that P.Diddy himself handed me this shirt. I received a red autograph t-shirt as i left, it's large and i had real problems squeezing my head through the neck, i think it ripped slightly. I might cut this one up and make it semi unique. I was thinking about turning it into a cummerbund-that'd be a cool idea i think.
Currently my throat is so sore from all the fake enthusiasm.
and i'm still reeling about getting into ocad. ahh.

HOLY FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF...... Monday, March 28, 2005 07:34 p.m.

It is our pleasure to advise you that your portfolio has won you an offer of admissions to the Ontario College of Art & Design.
Details will be sent to you via Canada Post.
Congratulations
GAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
(wow it's a crazy coincidence that i blew a month's salary today. happy fucking exodus from office life to ME)

What on earth have I just done?! Monday, March 28, 2005 02:55 p.m.

I just prolonged my stay at work-by about another month. I went with my dad today and bought a new SLR digital camera.
It's 8 Megapixels (insert holy shit... anywhere!). This will be the hugest visa bill to date. And for the first time in almost 2 years, i will have to re-allocate some of my savings to my chequings account pay for a credit card bill.
For sure now, all plans to take a plane are out of the question!! But that's cool, i'll be in hanging around toronto more now. And by late August i'll be there snapping pictures of my soon to be very little nephew with the motor drive of my camera.
Now i am definitely not scared to carry around my little point and shooter because it's newer sibling is about...well... a lot more.
The thing is sitting on my bed right now, i'm aghast at how much i just spent. I do know that if my mom finds out i bought this thing, she'll compete and try to get the higher model.

elation Sunday, March 27, 2005 09:33 p.m.

Ah, I broke the lenten fast with $106 of fun loving spending and happy go lucking.
I bought this crazy avante garde padded "straightjacket" as my sister described it. It's like a padded vest but it's a jacket... and instead of a front opening... um there really isn't one, but there's a zipper on the shoulder-So i guess it's more like a shirt. And if that wasn't all, the colors are kind of sickly mucky khaki and green. There's some knitwork/elasticized material around the shoulders/sides and a checker pattern on the top portion of the shirt. Probably one of the weirder things in my wardrobe. It's not the most flattering thing but at $10.95, i'm not complaining. I also bought some other stuff like a black/white turtleneck designed by Karl Lagerfeld and some other fluff.
After much contemplation i've decided this spring/summer i'm going to get back into a fitness routine like last year- i figure people do this all the time, what's a little starvation and excercise going to hurt? A whole fucking lot, which is why i'm going to do it-i loves the S&M.
Speaking of something and M, H&M is totally overrated. Sure i thought some of the stuff was nice, but seriously, i was utterly irritated with the store in Toronto. Everyone is fighting to just walk through and there is no aspect of looking around-you basically have to buy something because there are just too many people in that damned 3 level store.
Other activities that day to add to the aforementioned total included: seeing THE RING 2 (okay), going out for dinner, and buying a train ticket.

Say no thanks to straight up san pellegrino. Thursday, March 17, 2005 10:28 p.m.

Ah one more week until lent is over. I'm feeling pretty good these days. Aside from ocad anticipation, things are feeling nice.

WHAT? Tuesday, March 15, 2005 08:09 p.m.

The latest spring 2005 Comme Des Gar�ons is killing me. man. i want so much stuff from this collection. I really really really want the flower shorts/blazer set. craaaap! i would look so messed up. and i'd wear that outfit for years to come at all events. shit. i think what i want to do now is look for some vintage suits and cut the pants and wear them short and tailor them to look like nicely cut shorts.
damn, i have mad respect for Rei K.
oh mannnnnnnnnn.... and i want get started on my gold jewellery collection too. shit. i'm getting so caught up in material things but shit. when it comes to my appearance i get obsessed-now if only i had the same confidence in my style with my actual looks. shiit.

doggy couture Monday, March 14, 2005 09:45 p.m.

Man i never get sick of Sinead O'Connor's Nothing compares to you.
My mom bought me this little book of patterns for dog sweaters. on the front cover is a mini schnauzer very much like my cally wearing a DINOSAUR sweater! oh mannnn!!!

forever broke Monday, March 14, 2005 06:48 p.m.

Man i'm such an idiot. why did i put away $600 of my paycheck in my savings already?! ugh. so premature!! I had so much in my account but nooooo i had to be a goody 99 shoes and pay my visa bill promptly and then lock away the rest of my funds leaving only gas money.
I had to fill up gas today but it was outrageously expensive. I had the experience of not being able to fill up to $75, i have something like... $30 in my main account right now. Instead i filled up to $10 worth.
Not to mention my friends are all having their birthday parties downtown this weekend and next. ugh. I might have to pass on both of them because i have zero income.
Rainchecks and handdrawn cards it is!
I gave myself another haircut today. i think i'm actually getting really good at doing this mohawk business. I'm going to start just wearing it loose, free and easy. My hair sweeps nicely over to the side just like the old days (except i have no sides to style anymore yay!)
I also gave myself two tracklines-one super thick one and one thin one. The thick one was because i screwed up and didn't make it quite straight. The thin one was to just echo the lines. My look is pretty tough right now.

got salt PETER on the brain? Sunday, March 13, 2005 06:21 a.m.

When I sleep properly, I dream.
Last night, i dreamt that part of my application for OCAD required me to study and perform a 5 part math exam (or maybe it was 4 part?). By 5 or 4 part exam, i mean it was based off of 4-5 chapters that they assigned you to study. In this dream, i hadn't studied any of the chapters and it was the day before the exam. For even weirder reasons I was back in Notre Dame Secondary School-but i was still 23. I distinctly remember saying i was going to study in the library.
What a nightmare, not only was i completely unprepared, i knew i was going to fail. I remember thinking i'd be able to do chapter 1's work and wing the rest.
I'm still afraid that my application may be rejected. Of course there is likely another underlying intrinsic meaning that i'm ignoring.
I also dreamt that my sisters wanted to watch my episodes of Samurai Champloo, that was neat-i got to see some future episodes. I still felt anxious that i had to start studying. But i distinctly remember setting up my imac on the glass top coffee table in the television room.

yeah new york! Saturday, March 12, 2005 11:26 a.m.

Whoa. even in my dreams i'm still sticking to my Lenten sacrifice:no shopping. Too bad that hoody was pretty neat.. and it was only $2.20!!!

Friday, March 11, 2005 10:31 p.m.

whoa. avril lavigne really shouldn't cover a green day song. i think i could sing 'basketcase' better than her (no i know i could. hell at least i'd be on key).
And speaking of keys, i really want to get Alicia Key's second cd.
Man, this is the worst cover i have ever heard!! i think she's in her bathroom, there's no way she's singing this to a live audience.

Thursday, March 10, 2005 10:38 p.m.

I never thought i was that anal retentive. I mean i knew I have an inclination to be uptight but geebus. My mother decided that the way I sort my clothes was 'illogical'. Apparently rolling up my tshirts in the cubicle of my closet didn't make sense, nor did the system of folding jeans in my drawers click in her mind that a system long existed before her interferance and evidently the fact i kept my long sleeved jerseys quite separate from the rolled up tshirts was implicitly foreign. Clearly this was all too frustrating for her, so one day she decided on going into my room and mixing my tshirts with my jeans, the long sleeved with the short and pretty much anything else with the leftover jeans i have in my drawers. God knows why she decided on going into my room but she did one sunday afternoon when i was at church.
I tried to cope with the fact my sweaters are mixed up with t-shirts and my polos are haphazardly piled up with the long sleeved. However tomorrow is casual friday..
My head has exploded. I am looking at my brains splattered on my ceiling with the one eyeball i have that remains intact.
I want to smash a mirror and throw a tantrum like when i was 5.

this is no phase Thursday, March 10, 2005 09:33 p.m.

it's been oh.. let's see... well over a year now. Yep. i still like the Yeah Yeah Yeah's.
Thank you carolyn for introducing them to me. We've been inseparable ever since.
happiest relationship ever.

Wednesday, March 9, 2005 04:54 p.m.

My handwriting today was so knife edge laden i swear the surface of the paper was serrated.
my skin tastes acrid, my eyes are venomous and the caustic liquid flowing through my veins can cut titanium right now.
yeah i'm pretty mad at myself and the world right now.
Oh. but i get paid this friday. Lent will be over in a few more weeks. Shopping then.

must have earrings of two thousand whenever Tuesday, March 1, 2005 09:39 p.m.

1.diamond solitaire studs(harlequin shaped diamonds)
2.cross earrings/studs.
3.new! Skull earrings/studs. the three dimensional kind. I am so keeping my eyes peeled for these ones now.

Tuesday, March 1, 2005 01:04 p.m.

I worked half the day today. The snow here is unrelenting.
Who the hell from "CAPE FEAR community college" visits my journal?! Actually a lot of people read this thing or end up here by accident. Leave your mark. tag the board.

hah. Sunday, February 27, 2005 09:54 p.m.

If people dressed like this for the oscars, i'd be very impressed/inspired. America wouldn't be such a stupid place after all.

this is just plain funny. Indrani, you are such a moron. Stop using black shoepolish to dye your eyebrows and for the love of blood circulation, stop wearing your stirrup pants with those tightly laced boots, your feet are going to fall off.

it must be fung shui.. Sunday, February 27, 2005 09:18 p.m.

Whenever i get my hair cut, i always feel a bit nauseous afterwards.
I just trimmed my sides today, which proved to be harder than usual. At first i decided to try and mimic yeemi's technique, but after realizing i had no idea what i was doing, i went back to using the usual clippers. Except this time i manipulated and maintained the length. It looks pretty good, i mean except the part where i tried to do what yeemi did-i took a deep chunk of hair out around there, but it's barely noticeable unless you know where to look. (yeemi was telling me about how she used to screw up and take huge chunks out of her hair all the time, but if you just mess up your hair a bit, it's not even noticeable).
I know this may sound cheap but seriously, 40 bucks for someone to just trim my sides (which would take them 30 mins at the most), is silly. It took me 40 mins and i'm sure i'll get much better at doing this, also, i should probably invest in a long mirror to hang on the door and use so that both of my hands are mobile.
drawing is proving to be more and more of a challenge as the days progress. I'm having a difficulty doing the easiest of things from drawing an interesting costume to a pretty face. Every other day i cut out a large sheet of paper from my ream and drawing while i listen to my ipod. It seems that everything i draw is ham fisted and somewhat awkward. It's probably a good thing that i had a lot of drawings/artwork from when i was in relatively good drawing shape.
Also i watched a bit of the pre-show of the oscars. I really hate celebrities who think they're designers because they pay someone to design their clothing and put their name on it. I turned on the TV to hear p.diddy talk about how he "designed" chris rock's tuxedo. whatever. this isn't even worth my typing.
Hilary Swank's dress is neat, i'm not a fan of the material/color. She should've gone for black or if she insisted on that blue, i think the material should have had somewhat of a shimmer. Cate Blanchett is consistently well dressed. Kate Winslet-eh. Johnny Depp and his girl from Paradis, are so cool. So many celebrities who feign being 'artists' don't even give off that kind of persona. it's all talk and pretention. For these dumb things, they all seem to think that they have to 'look good'. No! They should look interesting and really make a statement. You can still look good and do that!
Now i'm going to puke out my dinner, ugh. I feel like samson.
Oh i also really liked Spike Lee's white suit. I wouldn't have worn the fez, but it goes really well for his whole weird image. Plus those glasses he was wearing were killer.

maybe i'm just tired... Saturday, February 26, 2005 09:00 p.m.

I think i'm getting a bit far sighted. Is it normal that the nearest i can look at something (up close) is 3.5 inches? oh crap. i knew it, i'm staring at the computer screen too closely..

Thursday, February 24, 2005 05:29 a.m.

Lately it seems that i've had zero incentive to do any work at my job. I think i've been doing about one half to two thirds less work i originally did a few weeks before my portfolio interview.
Speaking of which, i find out the results of the interview in April (i emailed the admins office). that's one month from now. I think the worst part of this whole ordeal is that i still have the inkling sensation that i didn't get in. like there's a 0.00000001% chance.
Thank god it's thursday. What the hell am i going to wear today?....
Also my tax return might jumpstart me further to my $7000 goal.

hm.. Monday, February 21, 2005 05:56 a.m.

I think I should get a scanner. I think i want to start scanning drawings again. Payday is this friday. Yeah. something small, reasonable (reasonably cheap), and decent scan quality.

Monday, February 21, 2005 05:37 a.m.

man, i hate snow.

life as per the norm.. Thursday, February 17, 2005 06:11 p.m.

Things are going pretty well lately. My sister put it as "knowing the unknown", there still remains one thing...
I wish someone would tell me what to wear every day. or there was a site that would tell me what looks good or something.
This weekend i might go visit mark who is coming back to burlington. I meant to see him after the portfolio interview but he was held up at work for a few more hours..

i feel so bad, i've been so mean. Thursday, February 17, 2005 05:00 p.m.

HAHAHA NOT.
the meeting went so-so. i feel really relieved, I was amazingly articulate at the 'huddle', i thought for sure i would have stumbled and said something absolutely stupid but the whole calm and collected thing worked. She on the other hand pretended to play the sweet old lady card, but my manager and i both knew better. I called her out and made it quite clear that i know that she's biased and anything else she says i won't believe because she's a cunty liar.
Anyway, i didn't pull out the little white note in my breastpocket (i color coded my messages). The opportunity didn't arise and i didn't want to just say it-that would have been a huge no-no. I did however pull out a pink slip of paper from the same breastpocket containing a list of definitions from the dictionary. First i asked her if she knew what the definition of "respect" was, She looked a bit shocked and then started to get cocky but before she could finish I told her "i don't think you do..." and i proceeded to pull out the definitions sheet.
I know that my manager was secretly on my side, he tried to stop her from interrupting me (it wouldn't matter to me, practically nobody can interrupt me in real life except for perhaps my sister.) That and before the meeting i went into his office and told him that i knew Camille was trying to bait me into yelling at her. I explained that i wouldn't fall for such an easy setup and he actually told me to 'be cool and it will totally piss her off'. hahaha you devil.
Anyway so when we sat down in the meeting room, Bob started but then Camille proceeded to say why "we" brought me there. (i know this is gramatically incorrect but she actually spoke as if she had the arm of the law on her side. big mistake you cunt).
My mind tends to gloss over when i get cornered and furious like this, so i don't remember the exact details. I do know that my face was ready to fry an egg and i was getting really mad at the whole 'i'm an innocent victim of your words' act that she was pulling.
What i do know is that, the first thing i asked her was
"Tell me this, do you ever wonder what the exact reason is that i dislike you?"
Of course she is all clueless, finally somewhere along the line i bring up her endless tattling. I brought up a specific event (one of many). So she says something to the effect of
"how do you know it was me? everyone blames me but you don't know...it could be anyone"
so I said,
"No, i don't know for that exact example but i still can think of many other times where i know for a fact that it was you."
Despite my manager's so called neutral ground, he was backing me up. Whatever, i know what he's thinking (You are suuuuch a cunt.)
Then I also stated another example and she said the same tired line of "how do you know it was me?" bla bla bla, and then i told her
"you just told me.." (you dumbass cunt)
"well yeah but..."
Whatever, my manager tried to do the 'we'll agree to disagree' b.s. but there was no turning back, i brought up more issues, like how is it that even though you state that i'm not getting singled out, why is it that i'm always the only one getting the manager talks?
Her defense was that "you don't know if people get into trouble... I complain about...(she screwed up here) lots of people get complained on...."
Then i stated specific names and asked her why she doesn't say anything about them and why is it that it's always me...
Again she tried to say that "you don't know" business. finally I said
"actually i do know. because whenever i get in trouble, bob comes to my desk and says 'brian can i bug you for a minute?'. I never see him go to Bryarose's desk and say 'bryarose can i bug you for a minute?' or 'ruth can i bug you for a minute?' or 'yvonne can i bug you for a minute?' No. it's always me. I'm not stupid. i don't specifically look out for these things but i can still hear."
While I was saying this, bob was nodding in agreement. Camille on the other hand tried to deny it all but then bob intervened and said that 'it's true.' and something else managerial that i can't remember.
The rest was a bit fuzzy but I can remember another few satisfying things i said...
"I talked to Bob about this a few months ago, and i asked him how he could allow this woman to create animosity within the workplace. This is a very destructive thing to have in a so called 'team environment'. You like to create problems!"
Again i got tired of what she was saying, it was all the same garbage. I was just surprised that i didn't throw her out the window, lose my temper or spit in her face. I still kept extremely calm during the entire meeting.
Also somewhere in the beginning she brought up the topic of how we come to work not to make friends and bla bla bla...
So i said:
"That's true, but similarly we don't come to work to make enemies either. you go out of your way to do that it seems."
She also said lines like "oh i don't think we can get anywhere" because i kept on bringing up my issues with her and clearly she thinks thought that she was justified in all of her pettiness. I thought that was funny (in retrospect) because she never answered any of my questions with a straight forward answer.
Poor bob, he kept on trying to pull his "manager 101" on us with lines like "well i think we can agree to put the past behind us... well we can't do that, but just respect one another and well... uh...we'd be comfortable to approach one another and tell each other the problem..."
She was like "oh of course", typical cunt. I know she was lying. I told him "i could, but i will never be comfortable."
Finally somewhere near the end i made beyond crystal clear that she is biased and she can deny it until she is "blue in the face" I will never believe her.
Then she pulled that "well i don't think we can go anywhere with this" (this=me. whatever. at least i'm not a walking talking smelly fishead vagina cunt).
Then finally bob pulled the manager 101 again, and he was having problems articulating the meaning, so i said it for him
"We will just be civil around each other."
And then he said something like 'if anyone asks about this..."
Camille pulled another snide remark like "well dey shouldn't be, because it's not dere business. And nobody should know about it. I didn't tell anyone." (she has a lame trini accent which i kept on wanting to correct the entire time).
So i replied
"Obviously i told people about this! I'm irritated that i have to do this. I feel like i'm in elementary school again, getting in trouble with someone who doesn't like it when I yawn too loudly or something else. I'm not 'perfect' (like you) so naturally I'll tell people. But if anyone asks what happened, i'll tell them that we agreed to be civil. and that's it. And that isn't a lie".
OH at the beginning she pulled some line saying "i don't feel comftable coming to werk, I don't like da feeling i get."
I could have stabbed her eyes out with my thumbs when she said that, so i replied something to the effect of big fucking deal, she's made my employment in the department highly uncomfortable for many more months before i started gossiping about her. I explained that it was only recently that i started doing this. I had the last straw, and finally i just started letting it out.
I proceeded to say that in fact the only difference between the two of us is that when i get annoyed with her i'll tell my coworkers but when she does with me, she runs and jumps to the management and the management's management and soils my name and my reputation-not that i care that much, but i would rather the VP not knowing my name because i'm infamous.
Basically here's the deal (before i have a heart attack from remembering all the details) I had more issues with her than she did with me. This was quite evident, and if it wasn't, i'll bring it to bob's attention tomorrow. What I do know is that when i left, he held camille back for further discussions. I'm not sure what exactly he said, i'm hoping it wasn't something like 'brian's wrong. you're right' otherwise that would definitely confirm my theory that he's a jellyfish.
Best of all (if all of that wasn't enough) I finally told her to GROW UP HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

hell hath no fury, Wednesday, February 16, 2005 10:54 p.m.

So yes. I'm feeling invincible these days. I'm secretly happy because i'll be leaving my job in a matter of months, no WEEKS.. anyway i'm still working but i'm not going to put in excessive efforts now. Hell-no. I have put up with so much garbage from this company, it's payback time. I'm still going to do my share of work, but am i going to go above and beyond for a company that hoards the most grammar mistakes, spelling mistakes, cliche phrases, people with B.O., tattlers and pettiness in the history of man? I said it once, i'll say it again because i like this expression: HELL NO.
Tomorrow at 2:30 will be my little meeting session with the department cunt. She thinks she's got me cornered and figured out. She demanded that the manager be there at the time of the so called "deliberation". I know exactly what this thing is thinking. She figures that because the manager is there, she can say whatever she wants and vindicate herself. This will be so rich. I'll will not pretend to hide my glee and laughter. Nor will i be overly aggressive. Actually i'm going to try passive aggression. I know for her type it won't bounce well off of her and will probably result in her getting more frustrated and hopefully a fatal heart attack- and if that happens i am stepping on her chest with my italian loafers.
Tomorrow i'm going to be wearing 'superior-than-thou' clothing. A blazer, a vibrant green button up turtleneck, fitted military khakis, a denim blazer and a pair of expensive looking italian designer shoes.
I figure this will add to my overall arrogant, self-assured, 'i forgive you but not really, did i forget to mention i'm infinitely richer, younger, and smarter than you?' persona that i will effortlessly convey tomorrow at the meeting. i know this will irritate her to the nth degree.
and if that doesn't work, plan b. most definitely will. I orchestrated a perfectly caustic and lethal mini magnum of an opus which i will pull out neatly folded from my breast pocket and read aloud.
I will only use it if it is completely necessary. Otherwise, when the day finally comes, i will just leave the printed out copy on her desk. that will surely make her snap long after i've left.
so in summary, the strategy is: annoy her, push her buttons like a keyboard and don't even bat an eyelash trying or raise voice/blood pressure. just be all 'hm? oh yeah? okay!"

Jenseits von Gut und Bose Tuesday, February 15, 2005 11:01 p.m.

After work i bought some stuff. Including Xenosaga Episode Two:Jenseits Von Gut und Bose..
so far. it's good. only thing i've noticed is the major redoing of the voices. there's only 3 original voices left. all the major characters (except one) have all weird or cutesy voices now. Me=disappointed.
Apparently the hag of the department has had it with me. I heard that she has 'had it with my sarcasm'. whatever, if laughing is sarcasm, then the entire world is a sarcastic one. I have a meeting with her this thursday with the manager, i'm debating on what to say or not say. either way i'm sure she will be most infuriated and unsatisfied.

a triumph of the heart Monday, February 14, 2005 10:27 p.m.

I feel like i'm an ocad student already.
The interviews were amazing. Aside from the whiney voiced girl who believed more is not enough, Valentine's day will always be remembered as a day of success.
My dad offered to give me a ride downtown as he didn't have to work until the afternoon. We left at around 10:40ish and met up with my sister and brother-in-law for a nice 'calming' lunch. Combined with anxiety and my father's driving i felt pretty nauseous. I imagined being in San Francisco and breathing in the fragrant air that i could almost smell had it not been for my dad's leather seats. This worked a bit, but then i realized i was nauseous from not eating either.
Lunch consisted of thai chicken, vegetables, fried rice and can of guava juice. It felt reassuring to discuss some of the tips of good interviews and possible discussion topics with the interviewers with my family.
After lunch a part of me was kicking and screaming, i didn't want my 'daddy' to leave me by myself at the mercy of the weird people wearing funny clothing in a concrete chamber with rainbow colored windows. Alas, i don't wear diapers, nor do i drink from a bottle and i stopped sucking my thumb just last week. I should also probably mention that just prior to him dropping me off, he told me that he has noticed that i've matured a lot over this past year. hah.
I braved my way across the street and into the building. I asked for directions and ventured onwards. Registering at the design desk, I submitted my brief personal essay. I sat down in the waiting room and turned on my cell phone! apparently i was quite popular this weekend because i had a truckload of messages on my answering machine. After listening to them i read over and tried to verse some possible answers to questions.
Shortly afterwards my name was called early. I followed the helper to the classroom and waited.
About an hour later (excruciating as the aforementioned whining pustule of a girl blabbered off the ears of everyone who cared or cared not to listen). I had my first interview. I enjoyed all of the questions she asked and in return I asked her some questions. She discussed with me the possible fields i could go into. I also told her about my interests in advertising and I felt that Canadian commercials are pathetic (she concurred and said she does advertising so I might be talking about her work. Quickly afterwards she told me she was just teasing me because she teaches advertising and so on.)The interviewer seemed genuinely interested in my work. At one point she actually told me that "your work is really cool! I like it. Your linework is great..." This is probably the first time i have ever heard a professional say that to me. I asked her how she felt the interview went and she replied "You did fine, i don't see why you should have any problems getting in."
The second interviewer was actually an instructor from my previous academic life. Actually i was supposed to have him for design2 but i transferred to another design teacher's class (he was quite upset when i told him this a few years ago). He cut to the chase and first asked me why i was applying (i.e. what are you doing here?). I joked around with him we laughed a bit. I asked him if he wanted to view my sketchbooks and he shook his head and said "I'm going to really skim you because i know you're good and i don't need to see any proof of it." He too said "you did fine." and then went onwards. (the whiny girl had taken at least 40 mins of their time and they were drastically behind schedule).
What was interesting was that i could tell both interviewers knew that my previous program was a so-so program. The fine arts program at U of T seriously needs a reformatting. I didn't hesitate at all to tell them that while I enjoyed my stay at U of T and learned a lot, it wasn't enough to do anything really (other than go for more schooling and becoming a professor or curator. y'know one of those insufferable stuffy academics.) I liked talking to Sandra and Lewis, i really hope i find out the verdict as quickly as possible.
Afterwards I had to write some absurd mini composition on effective spaces based off an article they gave us. Stupid but it didn't determine our acceptance. just purely if our english skills were up to a standard level. Hopefully I get exempted from taking English in first year.
Also, i saw a guy (i think) get rejected on the spot. I think he was showing really old work (from grade 9) or something. I couldn't tell, Sandra was talking (she didn't seem very enthused)so quietly but their interview was done in less than 5 minutes, so i know that couldn't have gone very well. That was a bit unsettling seeing how i had yet to be interviewed.

Monday, February 14, 2005 09:23 a.m.

Maybe someday writing essays won't be so painful.
I'm leaving the house today at around 10ish, aside from the essay i'd say everything is look pretty frickin fun fantastic.

mirror, mirror, on the wall, Sunday, February 13, 2005 09:11 p.m.

WHO IS THE MOST NERVOUS WRECK OF THEM ALL?
I just finished knitting a 'mini toque' folio case for a set of various prints i made back in my renoir days.
Things have come together, my portfolio is pretty well rounded, i have some drawings, a few prints, lots of paintings, photography and a fair share of designwork. I also have 3 sketchbooks, but i can't seem to find one of them right at the moment. All that is left is for me to do what i have been dreading the most, writing the blurb on why i choose ocad.

(the previous title was a billboard i saw + my reaction-i still don't get it.) Friday, February 11, 2005 05:47 p.m.

oh yeah. i forgot. it's "valentines weekend".
On my way to get gas, the radio people made sure to say it wasn't a "big deal" to be single this weekend.
And it probably wouldn't have been such a "big deal" if they hadn't tried to reaffirm to themselves 5 times that being 'single' is okay too.
Whatever. my underthighs are freezing and my toes are falling off.

Don't be cupid, store your junk? HUH? Friday, February 11, 2005 05:47 p.m.

whoa. so i have to be super cheap with myself for the next 6 months if I:
a. get into ocad
b. plan on going to san francisco.
i thought i had it figured out this morning, i made nice calculation tapes showing my old wages and my newer improved earnings (30% more peanut juice). helll oh. I was totally off. Not only did i forget my raise took effect the week before last, this is also mid february(i.e. i only got paid 1 week with the new salary, the previous week was still on the old one.). So i don't have exactly 8 months now. more like 6. or 5 depending on how things go.
I can easily save $7000 by august but originally i wanted to save $10,000 (why? because it's a nice number that's why). I drew up 3 different financial plans. While not working at my desk, i devised that the most i could save up would be $7800. Not bad, this is also factoring my minimal expenses and i fully realize i won't save exactly that amount (there's a few birthdays before august, and i'm sure my car will need a tuning before then). Of course like the life of Siddartha, this would be almost an ascetic extreme (haha say that 4 times fast). After putting away cash and paying bills hahaha i'd have like maybe $200. yeah right. I'm going to play this one by ear.
Still, i've only been working 15 months hm... ah crud. i just checked my bank statement, the last few months since my sister's wedding it's been very sporadic. In the end i'll be about 3 months behind if i do quit by August. shit. i'm glad some months i was overly zealous with my savings account. i'll have to make that up with my tax returns and any miscellaneous money that somehow falls into my lap. I guess i'll have to take up whatever overtime hours i can over the next few months.
K so portfoliowise, things are looking really promising. I still haven't written up my statement, but i did buy a new portfolio case and it's really spacious, i can fit all of my paintings inside. The rest of my stuff is either really small or paper flat. This will be good.
THE END.
Oh and the heater is broken. it was 12 degrees this morning in my house. I'm wearing 2 wool sweaters now. My mom is going on yet another week long retreat tonight and not returning until next friday, so i'm going to be stuck fending for myself (i.e. walking the dogs in the morning and waking up extra early). If things get bad, my sister invited me to stay over for the next week. Which might be great considering my workplace is 15 mins from her house.
Chinese New Years celebrations are going to ensue tomorrow. Big money. Big food. And perhaps lots of red?

Don't be cupid, store your junk? HUH? Friday, February 11, 2005 05:08 p.m.

whoa. so i have to be super cheap with myself for the next 6 months if I:
a. get into ocad
b. plan on going to san francisco.
i thought i had it figured out this morning, i made nice calculation tapes showing my old wages and my newer improved earnings (30% more peanut juice). helll oh. I was totally off. Not only did i forget my raise took effect the week before last, this is also mid february(i.e. i only got paid 1 week with the new salary, the previous week was still on the old one.). So i don't have exactly 8 months now. more like 6. or 5 depending on how things go.
I can easily save $7000 by august but originally i wanted to save $10,000 (why? because it's a nice number that's why). I drew up 3 different financial plans. While not working at my desk, i devised that the most i could save up would be $7800. Not bad, this is also factoring my minimal expenses and i fully realize i won't save exactly that amount (there's a few birthdays before august, and i'm sure my car will need a tuning before then). Of course like the life of Siddartha, this would be almost an ascetic extreme (haha say that 4 times fast). After putting away cash and paying bills hahaha i'd have like maybe $200. yeah right. I'm going to play this one by ear.
Still, i've only been working 15 months hm... ah crud. i just checked my bank statement, the last few months since my sister's wedding it's been very sporadic. In the end i'll be about 3 months behind if i do quit by August. shit. i'm glad some months i was overly zealous with my savings account. i'll have to make that up with my tax returns and any miscellaneous money that somehow falls into my lap. I guess i'll have to take up whatever overtime hours i can over the next few months.
K so portfoliowise, things are looking really promising. I still haven't written up my statement, but i did buy a new portfolio case and it's really spacious, i can fit all of my paintings inside. The rest of my stuff is either really small or paper flat. This will be good.
THE END.
Oh and the heater is broken. it was 12 degrees this morning in my house. I'm wearing 2 wool sweaters now. My mom is going on yet another week long retreat tonight and not returning until next friday, so i'm going to be stuck fending for myself (i.e. walking the dogs in the morning and waking up extra early). If things get bad, my sister invited me to stay over for the next week. Which might be great considering my workplace is 15 mins from her house.
Chinese New Years celebrations are going to ensue tomorrow. Big money. Big food. And perhaps lots of red?

Tuesday, February 8, 2005 05:27 p.m.

frig. i can't buy those boots from that site because they don't ship to canada even though we're down the street. damnit. i always have to pick the one thing that's impossible to get.
solution: if i go to san francisco this summer, bring my credit card and leave several hundred dollars in my chequings account. hahaha.

it's come to this: Monday, February 7, 2005 09:33 p.m.

I've been thinking about it for some time now, if things go well with the interview and ocad, i will buy myself something really special. I mean obviously i'm going to buy Xenosaga Episode 2, because i'd be crazy not to. however i'm compiling a list of things. fairly pricey things but i'll only pick one from the list. here goes
1. these boots. I think i've been playing too much xenosaga lately...KILLER aaaah!!!
2. I wanted to get a Manhattan Portage backpack. The camouflage variety would be awesome. However i'm starting to have second thoughts on a backpack..
3. I'm sort of tempted to get a Mondaine watch. (i'm thinking model no.A658.30306.11SBB but there are so many other great designs that i really enjoy..)
yes. all frivolous or strangely practical? all extravagant. but such is my taste.
Those boots are calling me by my chinese name. oh my gosh. anxiety anxiety. next week. aagh. i hate mondays.

there's no way this is happening. Monday, February 7, 2005 08:03 p.m.

It's monday and i've already started drinking. 2 pear margaritas, several parts vodka, some overripe pears, limeade concentrate and mint. all blended in delicious unison. Whatever quack scientist said that January 27th or 25th is supposedly the most depressing day in the world, obviously never woke up in southern ontario on Monday February the 7th of 2005. Oddly enough it was unanimously depressing everywhere today.
I think it must've been either the of floppy disk grey skies, bone penetrating chilled mists, the sense of impending doom only a monday can bring, the banality of office life, the fact that i haven't slept decently in over a week, orthe revelation that where you are could be where you will be for the rest of human eternity(emphasis on 'could'), or perhaps because you just really hate mondays. For me, i believe it's a combination of all of the above and the fact that a week from now, will be valentine's day. More importantly, i will have my portfolio interview and some english proficiency test afterwards. This will make or break my psyche for 2005.
It's supposedly my year according to the Chinese Lunar calendar. the year of the rooster! Mine and everyone else born in 1981. A very important year indeed. let's hope some good 'ol fashioned chinese superstition will come in handy for a change.
I got my hair cut last saturday with my sister. The hawk has been evened out and no longer is the wild mullet it once was. dinner consisted of rotisserie chicken (swiss chalet) and a profoundly disturbing conversation with my sister. sometimes i wonder if it really happened.
Right now the pressure is really on, but i think if i get these last minute things in order i should be primed like a canvas is for paint.
Things i need to do (still):
-organize my portfolio. this includes, indexing/coding my sketchbooks to match my work (must buy tabs).
-anticipate questions the interviewer will ask. Think of good answers. Ones that show honesty and thought-and take less than 2 mins to say.
-write up the mini essay required for the interview. (250 words)
-install programs and print off design assignments.
I know i should have had this done a while ago, i had the time, there is no excuse really so i won't bother rationalizing it to myself.
I also need to get a new portfolio case, i need something that's fairly heavier duty and can hold more than my current portfolio. I'll wait until this friday, when i get paid. Speaking of which, this week's cheque will be with my new salary,now i'm rich.

no.1 best way of getting out of work Tuesday, February 1, 2005 09:08 p.m.

So fall 2003 i got out of work because there were paint fumes stinking up the entire building. This winter we received a bomb threat.
I knew about it but didn't do much. I continued to work and finally one of my coworkers wanted to go for a lunch break so i went downstairs with her. Regretting every moment of it (i just wanted to finish my work and get out.) Justin called Kiran's cell and we didn't believe him when he said everyone was evacuating (nobody was exiting the building from where we were looking).
So yes, it was valid. On my desk right at the moment is a pile of my work. Completely against the company policy of leaving confidential information outside, there is nothing i could do about it.
i've also taken up to really disliking the tattling woman in my department. she has told on me the upteenth time, this time she told the management's management. oh boy, the weeks before my much anticipated departure will be so loaded with mischievous antics, she'll think the devil himself has come down for month long stay. I want her to cry and smash another mug before i leave. That will be the most satisfying departure ever.
I should probably also mention, i flirted with the idea of luring her into the cloakroom and locking her in during the bomb threat. I believe the exact conversation i was having was this:
"i don't want to die."
"yeah well, i know someone who does. the question now is, how do i lure camille into the closet?"
seriously aside from me being irritated with justin's self centered concern for his own personal well being, i really am quite irritated with this woman. She has a galaxy of bad karma heading her way.

oh i remembered the thing i forgot Saturday, January 29, 2005 05:21 p.m.

during the seminar
"yeah how old are you? i'm 15"
"yeah i'm 16."
i'll have to get over the fact that i'll be going to school with a bunch of minors for the first 2 years. oh boy.

Portfolio clinic Rating: Saturday, January 29, 2005 05:03 p.m.

It was fun going downtown on my own. I haven't done that in a while, or take the GO Train. I sort of miss it, ah if only it were free.
Overall i'm relieved that i went. There was an open forum at the beginning which basically cleared up everything and from that i know how to sort my stuff and what to do next. Seriously i thought i had everything figured out, the hour and a half spent on discussion really knocked everything into place.
The actual clinic that i took in Figure Drawing, was nothing short of boring. The teacher needed a watch, i was going to lend her mine if she forgot another thing. She forgot lunch, thought class was over when there was still one hour left. ah then there was the whole issue of poor useage of time. I could tell she didn't really have much planned because a bunch of people, myself included after about two and a half hours were completely finished and were wondering if gesture drawings would ensue. Nope. "you can add shading if you want or do another drawing." Bah, in 30 minutes? forget it.
Funny point of the day:
During class the girl beside me asked if i went to OCAD. There was some other thing too, but i forgot it, i really have this whole 'artsy look' down pat without even knowing it. dah-yam.
So next for my application process is basically fine tuning everything according to the notes i scrawled during the seminar and i should be ready for this monster.

i say BRR Thursday, January 27, 2005 06:15 p.m.

who pays $240+taxes for a pair of JEANS?!
apparently I do.
I just bought my first pair of non-sweatshop made jeans. As a result they're ridiculously expensive. I guess i'm just made of money.
hahaha HOLD UP. Actually i got them on sale for $30. Evidently they were made for a person 7ft tall.
Things are nicer now that my mom and sister have come back from italy. Aside from getting gorgeous presents from them, the rush to get to work in the morning isn't quite so hectic.
Ah life. Well this Saturday is my first and only workshop at OCAD before the big interview. DUN DUN DUN.

YEAHRAY YAHRAY! Sunday, January 23, 2005 10:07 p.m.

2005: the year of the ROOSTER.
YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH.

It's like this: Saturday, January 22, 2005 09:41 p.m.

Asians get the worst depiction in north america, we're either:
nerds
martial artists
jerks/bitches/sluts
or william hung.

bingo bango the return of the furious instinct Thursday, January 20, 2005 10:21 p.m.

ohmigosh i just found the cd containing the layout/editorial i designed for an article about a desert in china. ka-ching.

le relief. Thursday, January 20, 2005 10:14 p.m.

well whatever instinct it was that told me to keep looking for random cds,i'm glad i went with it. I found the cd-rw that contained the raw files of my 'diversity 2004' poster. thank goodness for that. as long as i have a couple of computer assisted work, i'm fine.

mirror mirror on the wall, Thursday, January 20, 2005 09:48 p.m.

WHO IS THE BIGGEST IDIOT OF THEM ALL?
YOU ARE!
I just found out that when i reformatted my computer, i somehow forgot to add all of 'my documents' to the backup disks. apparently music, photos, software, and anime were all i could think of when it came to backing up my hard drive. i'm not totally fucked. just a little. my resume and endless cover letters are completely replaceable. However the remainder of my design assignments aren't. Fortunately i found one of my assignments on a zip disk in my desk. UNFORTUNATELY the poster that i designed last year was among the many other design related documents that was forgotten in the reformat of 2004. shit x 5000.
All this because i needed to find my resume tonight...

i can't watch my jackson 5 video anymore! Tuesday, January 18, 2005 10:52 p.m.

I've been assembling my portfolio. Thankfully one of the few advantages to having a BA in fine art is that all of those stupid assignments i saved are actually worth something now. I just salvaged an artist's catalogue that i redesigned (for janet werner) and the print folio i did on knitting. I remember the suggestion for improving that folio was to knit a sleeve to hold the items rather than making an elaborate cardboard box for it (what i had originally).
Among the pile of stuff from 2003, i also found my jackson 5 cd i burnt on a sole cd. It is so painful to watch this, and yet i want to show this to my friends at work. I know the pain will be mortifying but the laughter, oh the laughter.

Sunday, January 16, 2005 06:19 p.m.

People are too quick to call something a 'masterpiece'. don't be afraid to call it as it is! Yes! it's garbage! yes there were plot holes! yes it made no sense! No that's not the point!
I've condemned my dogs from sleeping on my bed. This morning oscar ran up and down my bed at least 3 times waking me up far too early. The 9 days ahead shall be interesting. Oh how i wish my company would just give me a severance package of 9 months pay and i could quit now and do something else.
I now know what i want to do if i go to San Francisco (yesyesyesyes), i realllly want to go to the culinary academy and take some classes like my sister did ages ago (mind you, she doesn't cook now..). fun in the sun hellla yeah! I'll talk to my mom and uncle when they get back from italy. I want to know when their courses are starting. If i have to end my contract earlier (like july) oh well, no big deal.

burn this city! Friday, January 14, 2005 06:01 p.m.

new year, new yearr, new earrin, new earrings. and new music.
I bought the Franz Ferdinand cd w/ bonus disc, and K-OS's special box set cd that comes with his debut disc and the most current one (the second one).
(oh my gosh, i'm listening to F.F. it's amazing)
I also purchased the most difficult pair of earrings to put on the human earlobes in the known universe. I found these "mousetrap hinge" earrings. Basically they're the standard captive bead earring, but instead of a metal or glass bead that is captive between the two prongs of the hoop, it's a coil that has the ends flaring out in different directions like that of a mousetrap hinge, or any springed hinge for that matter. The first one took me about 5 mins to put in and the second one took me another 15 minutes.
(i also bought smaller mini stretchers, although i suspect that they're the next size up from my current holes. Also they're slightly mismatched, one is a few millimeters wider, so i think i'll go back when they've restocked and find the corresponding hoops.)
my mom and sister are going to italy this weekend. i'm home alone with the dogs for the next 9 days, and i have to get the oil changed in my car soon. like this weekend or next week.

it will come to me later Tuesday, January 11, 2005 08:47 p.m.

I'm restless at work. With the fast approaching interview date and portfolio clinic (jan 29) the sensation of life is resurfacing in my dormant body. It's like i'm finally getting back to my life before i abruptly turned it off over a year ago.
Someone who used to be at my work recently left with his boyfriend to go live in Paris, France. His boyfriend is the rich husband while he's the wife who eats bon bons, shops and drinks wine while smoking at night. And while i was only jealous of the fact that he wasn't at 2 Robert Speck in Mississauga, it started getting me thinking about how much i haven't travelled in the last 2 years. I suddenly had the urge to plunge myself out in someplace foreign. I immediately consulted tiff about this. I was a little surprised that she was all for me going on a trip solo.
The downside is that i've travelled the world a lot up until my late teens so there's only a few places i really want to visit for this 'coming of age' journey. I think my ideal place is one that has a very unique culture, is moderately priced (haha hey i'm funding this!), and isn't someplace totally mainstream to the idea of 'culture' (like France or Italy-both of which i've visited twice.) I think the only reason why i'd consider Europe is because i can speak French. haha.
The following are the places i'd consider trekking around:
-Australia/New Zealand (top of my list. i've only flown around here en route to Hong Kong)
-The easter Islands (tikiriffic!)
-some lesser known places in Canada. road trip style.
-South America, maybe the less violent areas..
-lesser known places in the states, i think i have an uncertain attraction to these spots.
During dinner today i discussed this with my mom, and i suddenly remembered a camping trip near the Northwest Territories where you paint the scenery and stay at the cabins and live in a commune type of environment. I think this would be an amazing experience, most definitely this is a very likely possibility. Then there is also good 'ol San Francisco. If i were to go there i'd go for the month and probably take up more jewellery courses, it'd be one huge shopping trip and i always love hanging out with my uncle and aunt.
I'm hoping i can hold off on thinking about this until after my interview, then i can figure out where to go from there. I think SF would be the easiest because i could always plan a trip there granted my SF family isn't out of the country or preoccupied.
My mom also suggested Alaska, which would be really great but... i think i'd get bored after a week.

i'm one week 'in arrears' Monday, January 10, 2005 08:13 p.m.

This will be the last entry about 2004. after this 2005 and onward ho!
The problem with writing based off of memories from over a week ago is, memories are ephemeral. They sort of dissolve in the active/inactive consciousness over time and as you intend to jot them down, eventually they're reduced to grains.
New Years Eve 2004 was..: tepid. Mercer Union's Dirtier New Year's Eve Party left me feeling so lukewarm. The limit for these events is 2. I did mercer in 2003 and even then it was okay. After work on friday, i zipped over to my sister's house, we relaxed for a few hours before heading downtown. We ate, dined and drank at my sister's place.
Eventually we bolted from Downtown Sister's house. and reached the crowded club at 11:45. Got in. Drowned in oceans of shadows, sweat and smoke. The word was out, this place was crowded beyond comprehension. at least 5 people per square inch (like i said, beyond comprehension). I don't even want to get into the details such as how i ran into my teacher and his expression was that of "oh shit, he saw me" and his stupid concubine saying "oh you're the student that's jay's stalker" to the fact that my buzz had worn off getting there or to the fact that everyone was getting hit on but me.
I think this was the only highlight of mercer:
I walked in, and as i was being shoved around, i sorta knocked this guy's beer onto the floor. I thought "oh shit keep walking", i sorta mumbled 'sorry' and then continued to walk and just looked disgusted at the beer splatters on my sleeve as i wiped them off. It was such a bitch move. I could see him from the corner of my eye glaring at me. I tried to avoid said individual all night but i kept on running into him. At one point i went to the alcohol booth to buy tickets. He was there. When he saw me i could feel the death glare. I bought two tickets. Two for me, ZZZero for you. Oh crap who am i kidding? The fifth time i saw him, i tapped his shoulder and gave him my $5 ticket. bleh. I turned around only to have him pull my arm and shake my hand and say "happy new year". Oh shucks. one enemy made and resolved before the night begun.
My sisters and co. left at around 2:30am. everyone made sure to give me the cash they owed for the tickets i bought. This came in handy as i needed to take a cab home. I was a little nervous but i figured nothing could be easier than cabbing it home. I just had to remember the directions while a bit drunk. I tore off a coat check poster and got my sister to scribble them out.
I hung around and danced with my friends. At one point my friend sylvina and i were slouching into the cushions head to head just mumbling back and forth. I forgot what we were talking about. I do remember eating a few raw cranberries with very strong vodka drinks.
At around 5 or so when we all decided to bail, my friends caught the street car going in the opposite direction from me, and i was left on my own to hunt for a taxi....for about 15 mins!
The following day was superior. My sister and I went to her place and watched tv and i took a nap. We went back to Toronto, picked up downtown sister and husband, scuttled over to . Man! this is my kinda crowd. I think i'm just sick of hanging around kids. I like the lounge and older crowd. Talking is where it's at. That's it, conversations are the new mercer union. I met my older sister's first year roomate from university. The last time we met, i was 10. All i know is that she said i was the most precocious and caustic 10 yr old she knew and that i was suddenly 'cool'. haha whatever. i'm loving it but i'm not denying it either. Catherine, my sister's ex-roomate; lives in London, co-owns a gallery, has gone through countless reinventions of herself, went to the London School of Economics on scholarships only, has developed a british accent, has expensive taste and wears tight jeans in brown knee high boots. That night I conversed with friends of friends, drank pear martinis (hello waist size!), and i learned that 'a pearl necklace' was not just burlingtonspeak.
My other sister (the one that has everything going for her and is very eligible) was animatedly chatting with Catherine's brother. Sometime during that night, Catherine and I knowingly teamed up to hook those two up. Hopefully something happens, i like this guy and think he'd be sweet for my sister.
Catherine also was incredibly adamant on me going to London for school (in particular painting-haha yeah right!) and she professed how school should not be paid for by students but rather by scholarships only. I emailed her last week with regards to her bro and my sis, and she replied with a slightly absurd email that left me with no reply to this very day (less than 5 days ago). I never know what to say to someone when they're so dramatic and over the top in their mannerisms. And yet i attract them like vultures to carrion.
I shaved my sides yesterday, they're extra short. My hair is super mohawky, and almost out of control. I've booked the very last portfolio clinic and my interview is 2 weeks after that. Sometime in between those 2 weeks i would like to book an appointment with yeemi again. i'm sure she'll have something nasty to say because i refused to get her to cut my hair every 3 weeks.

Friday, January 7, 2005 12:10 p.m.

My new years entry is a week overdue. i will get to that i promise. there's just two things right now:
-i almost got into a car accident yesterday.
-i've gained 10lbs from the holiday season.

the last shop of the year. Thursday, December 30, 2004 08:39 p.m.

The last purchase of 2004 is:
-a RED+ (REinforced Denim) blazer. I tried to look up the company on the net, but it yielded nothing. All i know is that there are lots of japanese tags that came attached on it. And that when I tried on another blazer of the same make (green w/ blue plaid) it was nearly impossible to button up. I think the sizing is definitely Asian. I normally fit anything medium. in some weird instances i've been known to wear an extra small (American Eagle is very generous in their sizing..). However medium in Asia is definitely equivalent to small-extra small. I found an XL and i was able to breathe in it.
oops, nevermind, i just found it RED+
-a pair of darkish jeans (buffalo). I need to either hem them or cut them. These damn jeans were meant for someone 6'2.
I'm definitely wearing the blazer for tomorrow. Not the jeans. Fortunately tomorrow's forecast is said to be record breakingly warm so i won't need to wear the usual down filled attire either.
As for actual plans for tomorrow, still very undecided. But i want to the same party as last year.

almost a new year, almost a new computer! Tuesday, December 28, 2004 09:16 p.m.

After two years i finally reformatted my computer. It was on it's last legs/breath/vital signs of life.
Here are the list of things that started to break down:
-the numeric keypad stopped working (yes, even with the numlock key on)
-icons weren't appearing as icons, they showed up as white squares.
-hella SLOW
-my ipod wasn't mounting.
Actually that was my main reason for reformatting the mac. My sister gave me a sweeeet ipod deck transistor for my car and i've been dying to use it for the last few days but i couldn't because my computer was calculating the mass of the universe, coordinating my clothing and telling the time or something. Tiff thinks it was spyware, i just happen to think it was simply wear and tear.
3 backup dvds, a cd, some leftover turkey and an hour later my computer is wiped clean. Starting from the beginning was surprisingly good. The internet connection was instant and re-updating my system proved easier than expected.
I finally did some shopping for the ol' self today. Good deals and i've realized that there's life outside of club monaco hahaha. (although there is a purple velvet blazer that i sorta wanna try on... yeah, yeah, yeah.)
New Years plans for this weekend. Nothing so far. Work tomorrow. Half day on Friday. What to do? What to do?
Well if nothing happens, i may finally sit down and teach myself how to crochet. My other sister gave me a good book on the subject. I've been thinking about crocheting motifs and sewing them in clusters on some of my t-shirts. (it could be neat).
Oh yeah, and that same sister is pregnant. i knew it all along.

sleigh ride, sleigh ride, sleigh ride, Friday, December 24, 2004 05:00 p.m.

This year my main gift wrapping is genius. I declare that i have the worst gift wrapping abilities, corners always get fudged up and the paper is always creased, however i conceived a flawless and very neat solution to this dilemma.
When i went back to club monaco last week to pick up gift boxes, i misunderstood what the salesperson meant by 'we have bottoms only'. I thought she meant they only had boxes for pants/skirts (at the time i thought it was a bit weird that they'd make boxes specifically for tops and for bottoms...).
When i got home that day i realized what she meant was, they only had HALF of a box. the 'top' was missing. oh crap.
And so my reusable 'couture boxes' were born:
First i lined the box with the white tissue paper that was provided by the store.
Then I neatly folded the garments and packaged the goodies in an impressive layout inside the box bottom. I then tucked another sheet of tissue paper over the contents.
I proceeded to rummage through my recycling bin for large boxes of cardboard. I measured and cut out rectangles large enough to fit into the top of the box bottom. After a few alterations, i wrapped the cardboard rectangles (it was reminiscent of covering a textbook). After that was done, i positioned and fit the new lids into each box.
I think these things are great because i can reuse them or my family can if they want. Also i had my mother in mind who always complains that there is a mess of wrapping paper after Christmas (which there totally is not).
Lastly i made tags out of vintage multicolored construction paper pads from past science projects (circa 1980 something) wrote a personalized note on each one (this took at least an hour-or felt like an hour..) drew an outline of an interesting tag, cut out the tag and laced it into some packaging twine that i found.
The finished piece looks really sharp, the box part is a glossy black and the lids are different colors/patterns. I thought the packaging twine i used was a clever concept-like receiving a package in the mail or something.
This is also probably the first time that i've had a concept with the presents. Each of them is comprised of multiple items that make up one piece (well all except my brother-in-law.)
i realize this wrapping probably took longer than regular wrapping would have, but the end result is something that is really just quite neat.
I did have a few presents that i had to wrap because i didn't have a box or something to hold it in. And the jobs i did on those presents were abysmal. I used a red paper for this one present and i refolded the sides so much that the red coloring flaked off.
My mom's present was tapeless and painless, i took the gift and found the largest giftbag i could find (it was from club monaco) took some purple and fuchsia tissue paper that was just lying around in the closet and presto, easiest packaging job ever. She actually wrapped her gifts this year, which is a huge surprise seeing how she's an adamant advocat of the gift bag.
Happy Holidays. I think i'm one of the only people in the world who enjoys Christmas. I think it's because i'm still a kid.

i'm RICH Tuesday, December 21, 2004 10:24 p.m.

well well well, i got the contract. Starting in January i'll be working at a higher wage, and what it boils down to is this:
-i'll be getting paid every 2 weeks instead of weekly (boo)
-however, i shall make something like an extra $100 a week (yi-haw).
The only thing is, for the whole transferrance of whatever it is, i'll have to go 3 weeks without pay and then all at once on the fourth week(HELLO!).
Portfolio fever has hit, i've been working on my drawings and brushing up those portrait skills. Last weekend i painfully attempted to finish a religious painting of a childlike Jesus for my mom. I think i ruined it. Whatever, i always thought painting it was lame but still... i should have left it (the original rendition was when i was still pretty good). I'll have to try it again later this week. Painting may still be too much of a leap for me right now...
Piano practicing has been coming along, i'm going to make it my goal to be able to play Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. I got my mom to play it, her sight reading is amazing, she told me by the time she was 16 she could easily cut through that piece problem free. She still did a pretty good job considering she hadn't played it in several years. In the meantime, it's still the Porcupine dance and the studies for me.
Also my experiences at OLD NAVY have been nothing short of terrible. I went to their store online and saw this amazing jacket that i wanted to investigate (namely for it's sale price in Canadian funds and the style up close) to my utter shockless disappointment, apparently they didn't sell it at that particular store. It's just as well, I shouldn't be buying anything for myself this close to Christmas. i bought another thing to complete my sister's present. Strangely have a feeling the older one is going to be jealous again this year.

grocery list style!!! Wednesday, December 15, 2004 10:07 p.m.

-half day today (woo?)
-completed all christmas shopping for siblings and the one in-law.
-Aliyah gave me a belated birthday present (a tie consisting of a rainbow of primaries, hilfiger, and probably pretty expensive-$75? she said there was more, so i got a little freaked and got her some nice classy gear for x-mas. I hope she likes it.)
-Spent entirely too much this Christmas. Well it feels that way at least. I've clocked in overtime hours shopping at least 3 times in the last 4 days.
-my letter/package from OCAD finally arrived! I have to prepare an essay, my portfolio, my mind, lies, etc.
the date of the interview is: February 14th at 1:45
(oh man, i just looked at the calendar, it's on a monday!! shit!).
The letter received says that the interview process will take up to 3 hours. This is good. Excellent even. This kind of stress is my ambrosia. My hands and mind have been accumulating dust over the last 2 years of stagnancy. I'm going to book the last two portfolio workshop dates to add something to my current one.
I also have to write a TOEFL test. shit. I hate tests. I better rock the house on Valentine's day.
-Also I think the villainous verruca on my left pinky finger has finally been slain. It's good to have lil pinky sinistra back. Welcome home!

day 2 Wednesday, December 15, 2004 05:21 a.m.

this is my second day during the WEEK that i've gone to bed early. It's strange. i feel... the opposite of exahausted...and i'm starting to have dreams again... bizarre!

there was a time when this wasn't a chore. Tuesday, December 14, 2004 05:12 p.m.

I did a bulk of christmas shopping yesterday. I won't say where or what i bought at the risk of revealing the surprise to my sister/s and co.
Things are supposed to be easy now. I've applied to school and now it's working on the portfolio/waiting game until the interview.
So what's the difficulty right now? nothing. I still want exodus from the office. I still like drawing (although i hardly do anything art related these days). I still want to go into design. what am i getting at? things are bothering me. It's not that complicated, is work getting to me and i'm just not doing the usual vent? Yes, It must be that. The christmas party was horrible for several reasons:
a. kiran made a total ass of herself: I mean prior to the party she's been getting on my nerves. I started to notice how desperate she is to fit in, to groove to the mold in to earn serious respect. I have a feeling that because the rest of us are bold individuals she excercises and outdoes herself in order to stand out.
For example: A girl at the lunch table sneezed. Kiran says "gesundheit" (in an incorrect accent), the person replies asking what it means. The girl comments that "german is soo cool!" So what does Kiran say? "OH If you want to hear German you should come to my house, my parents can speak German"
Of course the girl is all intrigued "yeah right!!!?", then "K" says that she used to know German... back when she was German and not East Indian, when her name was Inga Apfeldussenvienerschnitzel, not Kiran "i'm totally Indian i smell funky from the spices i eat and nothing but!" Verma.
Now this isn't a case of jealousy despite the obvious superficial appearance. There is nothing she has that is of envy to me (well maybe her star earrings... but that's it.).
Now with regards to the Christmas company party, there was alcohol served. Whenever alcohol consumption was the topic of choice Krappy Verma would always boast to me that she's the world's cheapest drunk. Like a war vet proud of a purple heart, she thrusted the badge in my face "half a glass of wine goes straight to my head and i'm drunk!!" She drove to the party with someone else. I don't even want to waste the text explaining how i tried to warn her that people were trying to get her drunk, and how afterwards when the party was over she was pretending to be sober and acting like she wasn't drunk. The biggest fallacy aside had to be her 'i'm sober' speech. No drunk actually consciously believes that they're sober unless they are actually sober, and in that case they're no longer a drunk. When she tried to convince us of her sobriety, it was like a caucasian trying to convice a group of black people that he, the caucasian, is in fact black, just really really pale... and with blue eyes and blonde hair.
K's equation for the night: drink 6x my limit+pretend to be sober+go around and tell people (including manager) stupid/embarassing secrets+finally pretend to be sober, make a scene and attempt to drive home=i'm in the limelight forever!!!.
now if i really hated her i would have let her go home drunk. end of story, of course i don't actually hate anyone that much (well i can think of one person, but they're not in my life, directly anyway, these days).
actually what that did result in was her being blacklisted. A lot of people definitely lost a lot of respect for her that night. I always knew i wouldn't want to hang out with a nerd like that, but she's earned the promotion 'untouchable'... who needs that? I don't want to be around social amateurs in public let alone at work.
So anyway let's fast forward a week and then some up to today. Now for the last few months she's also been bragging, advertising, declaring, whatever, that she's bilingual in French as well! Well shucks, if you can understand maison, m�re and p�re, then shucks you are definitely bilingual, biatch.
She comes to my desk this morning and is like all
"hey brian,... um could you translate this for me?"
"hm? oh. sure... but aren't you bilingual? Why do you need me to translate this for you if you can read and speak French."
"oh well it's just that i don't have the time."
"..Kiran can you even speak French? You shouldn't be telling your group downstairs that you can if you can't.."
"yeah, i can speak french!! It's just that i don't have a lot of time to translate this and ..."
"um... okay but this isn't that long it's only a page...it shouldn't take you that long to translate, 5 minutes at most." (the letter was a page and a half, skipping lines, big loopy handwriting, and definitely very simple phrases.)
I forgot to mention this, but she and i applied for the production assistant job: a 3-4 month contract where you have to answer work related questions for all the newbies. pretty easy, straight forward, and you basically don't have to do any of your own work. She got the job. I didn't. boo fucking hoo. except now she's acquired this 'holier-than-thou' attitude. Like she's suddenly more important, and more occupied than everyone else, even though she's just overglorified. I'm not the only one who noticed this either.
So this continues on. I finally agree, i pick up the work and see that she's left little post-it-notes for me to write translations for her. Am i really going to do this for her freely? Fuck. No.
"So... i guess you left these notes for me to write the translations on.... okay.... Kiran what are your qualifications anyway?" (i've been meaning to ask this for some time)
"what do you mean?"
"Like for French, where did you learn it?" (what the hell, you're suddenly bilingual? fuck you biatch you are not. this is just another pathetic ploy at looking important. screw you.)
"i took it in highschool.... and up until first year of university." (translation grade 9-12. OOOOH that's actually TWO FULL YEARS OF FRENCH. 4 Semesters=2 years. woopdy shit)
In other words, i'm dealing with a highschooler that thinks they're bilingual. I didn't want to thrust my extended french background purple fucking heart in her face, instead i gave her a doubtful look and reiterated:
"you really shouldn't be telling people that you're bilingual if you're not..."
She then snatched the papers from my desk and said
"fine! i don't care anymore".
i knew she wanted me to chase her and apologize, frankly if toxic shock struck her from a misfit tampon, i'd still be at my desk working or emailing.
Seriously, highschool french is a joke, I should know, i took it. However i also was in extended french for 4 years prior to that. Actually I've already looked into registering for some brush up courses in French, I want to learn some new languages, but i want to be proficient at the other one I know before moving on. I'm still pretty good with reading it, but my overall grasp has weakened over the years of no practice.
So yes, back to this xmas party
b.the dj was terrible He played 2 fast songs then played Brian Adam's Everything I do, I do it for you. end of story. game over.
c. The overall impression i had was dead on. it was going to suck and therefore it did. I know that's a bad thing to assume but i never wanted to go in the first place.
All of this misery points to one thing: i have no life outside of work, what little thing i did have has gone on a sabbatical.

the mad needles don't stop Sunday, December 12, 2004 02:43 a.m.

I finished making a scarf for the office kris kringle thing this friday. I also completed a camouflage scarf for a friend earlier yesterday.
Just now, i've downloaded several patterns for leg warmers. yes!.
no surprises. Sunday, December 5, 2004 11:01 a.m.

worst party EVER!!.

Thursday, December 2, 2004 11:24 p.m.

For someone who is kicking and screaming about tomorrow, i certainly spent a lot on this stupid event. Seriously, i didn't get any $3 pants or anything. Worst of all, i want to go to this thing, take a picture and leave before everyone starts doing the white man's overbite. I just want to make an appearance and ditch everyone.
Ok self, here's what you're wearing:
-black 4 button blazer
-tuxedo shirt
-dark charcoal grey wool trousers w/pencil grey pinstripes.
-black paisely cravat
-asian magatama/triskele cufflinks (my dad had these, go figure).
-black shoes.
I've packed my knitting so if i get that bored, i'll do that i think.

hell is for children!! Sunday, November 28, 2004 05:21 p.m.

Whatever happened to the classics? Upon leaving the mall on Friday i stopped by the Wal-Mart end and looked for some cheap silver crosses to wear at the formal. Everything is all crystal this and dolphin that.
I don't think my dad realized that i have a mohawk, i sort of made sure of that. I didn't really turn my head around him or walk in front of him without my hood up.
"ah, you got a new haircut? everything looks cool except your earrings."
My outfit is now complete, i solved the dilemma with the head/neck area. I bought an echarpe or a cravat otherwise known as a scarf (i thought my dad was calling them a-sharps). The store didn't have a fantastic variety of these things, probably about... 12 in total to choose from. I went with a black/grey/white/navy paisely. It's also simple enough for me to tie around my neck. My mom is calling me conservative these days. I call it working with what's available.
The bookAmerican Gods is making me a little more hesitant to watch television. Cheers was playing a little while ago and i turned off the television and ran out of the room.

Saturday, November 27, 2004 05:10 p.m.
For some reason I had a sense of foreboding walking into the office yesterday:
-The week is over so it's not like i had one to plow through just yet.
-It's casual friday, and I was wearing one of those make-you-feel-confident-nothing-can-go-wrong-outfits.
-I was going shopping afterwards for that silly formal, and most likely i'd be looking out for anything neat also...
So...What's the problem?
Oh right.... I had to bare the brunt walking towards my cushy L-shaped desk. The flock of older moms stood right beside it, signing in. WHY does my desk have to be right beside the one spot everyone has to visit?!
The reaction is unanimous. Mouths dropped and chickens squawked.
"What did you DO?"
"OH MY GOD!!!"
"hey brian, is this your new look?"
I guess the worst part about those excruciating 3 minutes is that i said 'no'. I mean, yes of course it's a new look, what kind of question is that to ask? I'll tell you, an obviously dumb one.
Another popular question was
"how do you go to sleep?" or "what are you going to do when you sleep?"
I replied "upside down, like a bat."
The rest of the day it wasn't so bad. I had a lot of surprised faces to greet.
I even emailed my manager, saying that i had something semi-important to discuss with him-and if he could notify me when he gets in. Upon entering his office i brought with me some work and pretended to discuss something until he looked up.
"Oh man, that looks amazing! You did this because of me right? I knew it. You did it because of me right? I DO have an influence on you."
(his mohawk was a totally pathetically FLAT and mulletlike at BEST-see my 'bob is lame' entry for more details.)
"no actually, i've wanted one before i met you. Also my stylist is Chinese and she has one...(silly caucasian). Actually though, i could introduce you to her and she could shave some cool speedlines or something on you.."
One of my friends was actually jealous and wondered why he didn't do that before he shaved his afro. I then coined the term "frohawk" and that it probably wouldn't look so great...Another one of my friends at lunch, saw me for the first time all day.
"Oh my gosh! I am feeling it!"
"oh my GOSH! i am feeling it!"
"oh MY GOSH! i am FEELING IT!!"
"OH MY GOSH! I AM FEELING IT!"
"heh um. thanks, hey let's go for lunch"...
It's good to stir up things in the office. i think some other older people in the department will explore the whole trackline thing. haha. I even suggested to my manager that we could shave PUMA logos on his sides (i was totally joking), and he seemed to be really inspired to do just that. What should i expect? He admitted to me that he's a 4 year and going strong subscriber to MAXIM. My instincts are almost always right.
Shopping is never a chore. Unless of course, if it's for someone else (like christmas or a birthday) or for a formal event or both (last week i had to absolutely help my sister buy business attire.). It has to be the deadline aspect and the uncertainty that irritates me. As much as I enjoy looking sharp, i hate formal attire. Club Monaco is my savior. I hiked all ends of the mall and ended up going there, twice, and had animated conversations with a few of the seasonal help.
A short and spindle legged Filipino girl (age 14-16?) helped me out to the best of her ability, but acted more like a talking clothesrack (she held my purchases). She directed and took out two pairs of black pants which happened to be identical but upon microscopic inspection, the material revealed a slight herringbone pattern. Naturally i wasn't going to listen to this amateur, but i enjoyed the bubbly chatter so i didn't brush her off.
"Yeah, i need to get some stuff for a formal i'm going to. I hate picking out these things. I mean I really like shopping but to be honest with you, i hate getting formal stuff..."
"oh yeah, me too. it's so hard..." (keep in mind, she was wearing fairly formal attire, it IS "club monaco" after all..)
"so what highschool do you go to?"
(oh my gosh, a 15 or 16 year old thought i was in highschool?)
"uh. no, it's not a prom or anything, i have a company christmas party i have to go to... i don't really want to go but hey it's 15 bucks and all my friends are bugging me to go... That's a lot cheaper than the prom, how much are prom tickets for you? I think mine were 30 or 45 dollars..."
"oh! i don't know! mine's not until next year!"
Fortunately i had the shoes and a tentative blazer all I needed really was a shirt and a decent pair of pants. After trying on a few ensembles, i chose a pair of very thin dark grey wool trousers with pencil grey lines on them. Subtle and chic. that was the trick for tonight. I matched the pants with a white tuxedo style shirt (it has these really small folds of white fabric on the front, french cuffs and shell buttons).
I bought the pants and shirt without blinking.
I talked to the salesgirls a bit more, we had some discussions about looking like a Filipino or Chinese or anything else for that matter. One of them seemed to think that it would be cool looking Vietnamese (HA!). The girl told me her name three times, Maria.
"What time are you starting? You work here right?"
"uh no.. i'm a customer."
Talkative girl/clothesrack: "Yeah, oh my gosh doesn't he look like he could work here?"
(Now i am so tempted to quit my job and work at club monaco for a couple of months-just for the free/discounted clothes).
Next i needed the right belt. I ventured to at least 5 stores ranging from American Eagle to Banana Republic. Nothing. There was a belt at Banana R., but it was almost $100 after taxes, hell if i could, i'd show up to the formal wearing that belt and a pair of briefs, that belt cost almost the same as the pants i just purchased.
There were so many good sales around now, but nothing sparked my interest for myself or for others. This Christmas i don't want to buy clothes for any of my siblings, sibling-in-law or my parents. I picked up a newspaper shirt from Mexx. The so-called-help had a greasy rocker mohawk, looked lame enough to shoot and was about as unhelpful as shredded dental floss. I asked for a changeroom and without waiting for me he sprinted through a crowd of people in the back. He then pointed to the empty curtained room and i still had to fight my way through the crowd to go in.
"Did anyone help you out today?"
"no. nobody did."
I bought the shirt and left.
Returning to Club Monaco, i found a belt and bought it. Although i think i may have bought it a size too large, and even though i got them to put two more holes on the belt, it's still on the bulky side, now with a long tail end. I know the salesgirl said 'no returns on pierced belts', i might see if i can sneak by...and if i get caught, oh well, play dumb and ask for more holes. The cashier and I both agreed that Mexx has some of the rudest salespeople in the world. I joked a bit more with the filipino salesgirls and then left.
I have to go back to the mall on Monday. They provide free hemming on CM pants-i just have to bring the shoes i'm going to wear. I might go back and get the black shirt, so i'm undecided. I might not wear a blazer and just look into getting a nice black sweater or something (i'm running a concensus on monday). Or if they have a matching blazer to the pants (i looked, i don't think they did..)... If they do... damnit, i should work at Club Monaco just for the employee discount. (although i think they gave me an employee discount on the belt, i got %15 off, they weren't on sale either...)
I really didn't want to spend anything on this silly event. bah humbug.
Someone i know told me that every mother's worst nightmare is a mohawk, i then corrected her and said that it was every father's worst nightmare. Tomorrow's should be interesting, i'm debating on wearing a cap until my sister comes back from her business trip.

O H M Y G O . . . Thursday, November 25, 2004 09:13 p.m.

i <3 yeemi!

I checked in. Took off my coat and bag. Strolled and sat. Waited 2 minutes. Got up and greeted Yeemi.
"whoa, your hair is really long now!"
"yeah i was wondering.. is it long enough to get a mohawk?"
"oh yeah, it definitely is."
"Kay! Let's do it!"
definitely the most animated session at the salon to date. we talked about exotic fishes as pets, families, clothing/accessories, other people's hairstyles, the most undesirable hair type, and plans for new years.
I told her about this girl at my work who was all about suggesting a drastic cut and egging me on to get a mohawk as if it'd be some fun novelty for everyone. Mind you, i've wanted one ever since i saw how cool it looked on asians (like yeemi and some folks i saw downtown.) despite her encouraging.
"this girl at my work is like 'get one get one!!" and i'm like, listen, here's an idea, how about YOU do something drastic with your hair (because it's really long and BORING) and then come back to me and tell me to get a mohawk okay?"
the words in the brackets were what i was thinking at the time.
I honestly try to think of something good she could do with her hair but it's impossible! it's so hopeless-she should go for a fro, or really elfishly short hair so that it makes cute flapper curls-she should also wax off her moustache while she's at it..
I then asked Yeemi if she had any friends who were indian, in particular, female.
We got into this discussion about how some Indian girls are all about having their hair super long-which i understand is considered beautiful. Too bad it also happens to be the most frizzy and undecided hair in the world. It's neither straight or curly-well at least the east indian hair i've seen. But then it's funny, she was telling me about how they say "oh i want something really different...oh but cut off only an inch".
I got a little nervous when the sides of my hair were getting chopped...do i want to remember how brutal it was to grow out my sides?! NO!
I made a request to have tracks put in somewhere, and i told Yeemi to do whatever she thought was good-she went with it. Man... i can honestly say i've had a lot of hairstyles now. There are a few things left that i haven't done, like dreads or cornrolls...dreads are kinda dirty and it wouldn't work well with my personality cornrolls/rows whatever look pretty cool but they wouldn't hold with my asian hair.
I've been coerced into attending the company christmas ball. I have to look for some crap to wear tomorrow. I discussed this with an associate as to how to approach my look, i came to the revelation i could draw some pretty amazing inspiration from the yakuza. shoot. i don't want to go. or spend the cash on a new suit. fuck! i just wanted to wear my black blazer, a pair of grey pants (i was going to get them from club monaco-or at least try those ones on), a white dress shirt and the red t-shirt from CORNELL university in NEW YORK CITY, over top the shirt... but i think that'd be a little ghetto. Oh well at least i have the shoes...
I think i'll look for a dangly cross earring tomorrow in addition to everything else. It'd be virtually a sin if i didn't!

Sunday, November 7, 2004 11:06 p.m.

I just remembered why i don't like looking like a thug.

YAAAOH! Tuesday, November 2, 2004 06:21 p.m.

Ties are in, and i bought my weight in ties on my birthday as well as some other things...my tan wool peacoat is kickin' if i didn't look asian before i definitely look it now especially with my emerald studs. the new bjork cd is so weird. i still really haven't synched with it yet. The first few tracks still creep the hell out of me. My wardrobe is truly the largest in the house.
We still have a ton of halloween candy left (more than half of the one bag that we bought). Part of me feels guilty for eating 2 or 3 pieces of chocolate at once, but then i realize shortly after that it would take 8 or 12 pieces to equal one full bar. I plan on buying el cheapo discounto ex-halloween candy on Friday. I'll ask my connections if the sales have come in yet.
I'm officially driving to work now, i park in the front lot and pay $5 for parking per day. Factor in gas for the month ($100 approx) plus parking ($110 for november), it's still cheaper than my usual train and bus combination($240). I may opt to get a parking pass, it's true it would save about $50 a month...during the hellishly snow laden months i'm not too crazy about the idea of parking in some distant lot across the street out in the boonies. Also in those lots someone broke into my friend's car-so i'm a bit wary about that, plus my parking space is RIGHT in front of the building and always empty in the early morn. But the commute isn't so bad, it's around 45 mins and definitely beats public transit. While i do miss seeing the usual faces and sleeping on the bus, i definitely do not miss the length of time spent on the road.
My friend is all tensed up for the big presidential vote today, i think we're all going to be disappointed at the outcome.

OCTOBER 27TH 1981 I MEAN 2004. Wednesday, October 27, 2004 12:09 a.m.

exactly 23 years ago i was born as of today.
My mom came back from her trip to egypt. She brought me back egyptian cotton! The world's smoothest and finest cotton comes from Egypt and Sea Island. Although Swiss cotton is pretty damn good too. She couldn't spell what it was called, but basically it looks like a gigantic and hugely oversized nightshirt that goes down to my feet and surprisingly fits well on my shoulders and flares out like a gigantic blossom. It's a metallic lavender color with grey/silver threadwork. It's great! i can really see how them egyptian folks can wear these things in the desert. it's roomy, airy and totally functional in the arid heat. not to mention damned comfy!
Later today, I plan on waking up at around 7, taking it easy and leaving the house at 8:45 to get to the train station, pick up a ticket and coast down to the Ex and meet up with a friend at the Hadassah Bazaar. After a couple of hours, grab a quiick bite, head to Buy the Pound and then end our trip on Queen street where we split off and i meet up with the sibs and brother in law. We have plans to eat at some restaurant on queen street called "hail the queen" or something, and then see The Grudge.
I told my shopping partner that i'd be wearing grubby clothing. but of course i can't. i'm going downtown and meeting up with family afterwards. I've laid out my grey wool knitted sweater, red/navy/white plaid shirt, dirty rinse jeans, navy blue hooded jacket, signature clive bag and some sneakers. Not dressy but not destitute..

Monday, October 25, 2004 07:32 p.m.

I love my car.

Sunday, October 24, 2004 11:19 p.m.

note to self: get over phobia of driving. you're driving tomorrow. solo.

Charters my ass to kingdom come. Wednesday, October 20, 2004 08:07 p.m.

This morning, before my dad arrived, I humored myself with the memory of the first time i requested transcripts online. Back in my dreams of parsons days, i filled out an order, well after i realized that I wouldn't be attending, i received an email from the registrar's office declaring an error that needed to be rectified before they could send out my records.
This of course was last year. June 23rd 2003 to be exact.
Now this year, sometime in october to approximate, i received a letter stating a similar clause.
Shit. I actually do want to go to this one and have the financial means...And if i have to go back to my university or worse, the downtown campus, i will shoot myself. The downtown campus is the worst pile of architectural vomit ever created. It spreads across everywhere downtown and I abhor visiting it for business purposes as the unofficial credo of U of T is convelude and plunder ad nauseum or something.
With the anticipation of my father arriving at my doorstep at any moment, as he so often does whenever i think of something to do, i scrambled past 200 emails in my inbox. I found the email, jotted down the phone number and patiently waited for the paternal unit to land. I didn't want to be caught on the phone while he was at the doorbell thinking i was asleep due to my lack of response.
He arrives and I start punching digits on my touch tone. Nobody. I left a message at their request, foolishly i hung up realizing I forgot to leave my phone number. I called back minutes later, and spoke with someone.
"ah yes, it says here you haven't returned this book... The sculptural Properties.... of Charters? Oh i don't even want to say the author's name, it's too long...It hasn't been returned since it was due... April 17th."
(Charters??! The charlatan must be mispronouncing 'chartres')
I staked my claim that I had no recollection of borrowing that book, let alone not returning it (i started to imagine the monstrous fine at fifty cents a day... calculated at over a year...). Actually I think IF in fact i had borrowed it, it was probably for that abysmal Gothic Architecture class i took in my second term of third year. The woman with the bizarre accent told me that i had to call my school library to see if they can find it and gave me their number.
I phoned the library over at my campus and i think i recognized the voice the librarian, she was the British one. The nice one.
I presented my case, and she told me that she would swiftly look for the book this was all some grave mistake-she'd call back in the hour.
In the meantime i actually started to question my own sense of responsibility. This one book was the thing that was holding back my university from sending my bloody damn transcripts to schools. Worse yet, i probably owe at least $250 in fines, and to replace that god forsaken pretentious piece of archaic dung pulp that nobody will miss-Add another $300-500 probably. Goodbye income, hello another thing to add to list of paranoias.
What gets to me is that why in the world would i still have that book? i mean, it was often that i had to borrow books on topics that held little or no personal interest, not to mention nearly impossible to read, and then slave over a B or C grade paper the night before it was due. So why in the world would i keep the book? as a painful reminder or trophy of another painfully unslept night? NO! I always returned those books the day OF writing the stupid paper.
I went into the garage and looked through some piles of books praying i wouldn't find "Charters Cathedral". I returned to my room fruitless, to look at my bookshelf skimming for the S word... there it was.. Masterpieces in Sculptures. This was a book my mother bought for me from a used bookstore. Definitely not it. Double shoot.
The phone rang.
"Hello, is this Brian?"
"Yes, speaking."
"Yes Brian? I have some good news for you, it appears that it was misplaced. And well anyway, your record is cleared and it's clean now."
HAH! okay so it was their stupid problem from the beginning, that book was probably so moldy and small that it got chucked in the corner or something. With a huge load taken off my shoulders i ran downstairs to find my dad taking some of his chinese books back with him. We went to the insurance firm, got my papers signed, then looked at some stores after going out for vietnamese noodles. On the way home we talked about how i've grown up and really come together and bla bla bla and my dad asked me what i thought was my best achievement over this year has been (i picked the right one, but later explained that neither one is mutually exclusive-each one was integral in the grand clandestine sequence of things).
This evening I prepared another semi large batch of food, eggplant and spicy ground beef. probably 1 of the 3 or 4 of my specialties de la maison. I showered and changed my earrings. I unearthed a pair of gold hexagons, washed them and put them in. This saturday=car.
I am officially good to go.

i can't remember. Tuesday, October 19, 2004 04:25 p.m.

>>>>>>>> (X) <<<<<<<<<
I was this close to buying dolphin earrings today after work. Silvery dolphins touching their tails forming a small ring. I was in WAL-MART and i remember my coworker telling me that you could find some cool earrings at department stores and WM. However there were a few things holding me back from buying them on the spot:
-apparently they were 'white gold' but for $10??? I'm more worried about the nickel content they'd most likely contain.
-i need to save cash for the Hadassah Bazaar,buy the pound,H&M, etc...
-i also need to save up some green for my visa bill that i want to pay off.
-i really shouldn't be buying myself presents so closely to my birthday...
There seems to be no end to the application for school. I'm anticipating the portfolio review and that nonsense, but U of T declared there is some error on my file or something. In a nutshell, a proverbial clog in the flow of things. Something is preventing them from sending off my transcripts to OCAD. Luckily this whole week has been slow, i'm taking the day off to fix this and then sign the insurance papers for my car.

VENDETTAMOBILE!!! Sunday, October 17, 2004 08:56 p.m.

BLACK. SHINY. TWO DOORS. TINTED WINDOWS. MANUAL TRANSMISSION. VROOM VROOM! THIS FRIDAY. BE THERE.

untitled Wednesday, October 13, 2004 11:00 p.m.

"The things in your wardrobe should be like the produce in your fridge. There should be an expiry date. If you haven't worn something in a year, then you should probably throw it out or... give it to charity".
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I saw the last 2 minutes on Queer Eye. If i honestly followed that simple rule, i'd have a huge turnover rate. a good concept i've notoriously not instilled.

KING CHARLES BROCADE!!! Wednesday, October 13, 2004 09:09 p.m.

So the verdict after showing people the photographs:
i look exactly like my oldest sister. also that i am 100% without a doubt a cute baby. yes yes i knew that already. hahaha. of course i couldn't go through all those people without hearing the 'what happened?' comment. If I didn't laugh the first 600 times, i don't see what would make them think differently after 601.
It's also that time of the year again, knitting is in season. I'm currently making an orange cotton scarf. I decided that while stripes/contrasting colors albeit are nice, they are too mainstream. Instead i've employed my knitting encyclopaedia for it's pattern section. The pattern of choice: King Charles Brocade-a fairly intricate pattern that resembles a diamond relief grid similar to the formation of argyle-but with one color instead. It uses basic stitch techniques and each successful completion of the pattern is 12 rows. Luckily this is a relatively thin scarf (37 stitches). I originally wanted to do a lace pattern but i already started with this, also the pattern is three dimensional-subtle and not too in your face. I'll let the orange color speak for itself.
I don't need stripes.
Also to my relief I emailed the admissions at ocad, and they said i have to wait to get some letter from them before i send in the rest of my transcripts. No rush.

If i didn't know that was the moon, i'd be afraid. Tuesday, October 12, 2004 08:27 p.m.

At 6:30am today the moon looked like the imprint of a fingernail on flesh. A sharp crescent curving upwards. Sitting and gazing out the window, i anticipated the sharp smile to start laughing or swaying like the cheshire cat.
As I passed the group on strike today outside the office i had the revelation: What the hell am I doing here?
Almost as if saving money for tuition had lost the validity for a cause. Stiff and black, i struck the button marked '10' in the elevator.
Stalking the hallway, between my fingers rests an overlooked weapon. My arm locked and armed remained outstretched. A thin plastic card, a deadly weapon if necessary. I require a pass to access the floor. It struck me at that moment. Black shoes, black pants, a black jacket with a black fur hood, a grey backpack- that could be an assassin's outfit (perhaps minus the backpack).
Then it hit me: i'm no assassin.
Someone asked to see my baby photographs. I thought that was weird.

yep. not sleeping yet. Monday, October 11, 2004 11:48 p.m.

So last night i had a dream that i finally opened up my violin case. I've had this phobia of opening it ever since i stopped playing. With every consecutive year the condition of my violin decreases in my mind. In my dream i opened the case and finally saw the reduced form of my own personal stradivarius. The wood had lost the deep mahogany stain, faded to a sickly yellow. The grooves on the side had lost their sharp corners, and on the back a black script emblazoned across the back. The wood was rotting.
I woke up and after i walked my dogs i finally picked up my cobweb covered violin case. I opened it. To my relief the stain was still in tact, to no surprise the E and G strings were snapped. The business card of the man who repaired my violin previously rested underneath the neck along with packages of strings. Grateful the dream wasn't factual, i closed the case and promised to get the violin repaired later this month.

FOO Sunday, October 10, 2004 11:41 p.m.

Oh man. No more meat!!
We had pate/salmon mousse, smoked salmon, blue cheese, baguettes, Duck a L'orange, a honey mustard glazed ham, cabbage salad, yams, potatoes, artichokes and lastly a cheesecake at my sister's house today. That's it no more food!!!
the following weeks will be interesting=no dogs, no mom, empty house.

It's not going to stop. Sunday, October 10, 2004 02:43 a.m.

Thanksgiving weekend began with an afternoon visitation to the temple. Afterwards the clan of asians plus one caucasian, went to to an italian all you can eat buffet. 3 courses later we all parted ways and migrated home.
Much later, i find to my surprise my friend, Mark still calls me for intentions to go out later that evening. I put on my signature turquoise hoodie and leave the house at the ring of the bell.
Catching up with the gang from highschool proved to be slightly depressing if not completely.
Now i know that everyone is in different stages in their lives, but seriously it felt like i AM at ground zero. In actuality i am. There is nothing more understood at this point that i'm starting all over after heading down the 'wrong' path.
Mark as discussed earlier is working in a high brow firm under the promising arm of the government. He told me that he may have plans to leave in January sometime to do a research project in Peru or somewhere in South America.
Noranda is in medschool. Sure she got dumped by her rebound guy, but she's beautful, smart and blonde so things will pick up for her, guaranteed.
Dana, Noranda's twin sister, also equally beautiful, is working on her PhD. And is moving to Montreal in May 2005 to start her new placement for just that. She's a T.A right now and is working on whatever my pathetic brain can't comphrehend at the moment.
Lisa does some job thing, completing her Masters (i believe) at McMaster, so she's right next door.
Arun, has the complete package. He went for engineering, got into a tough program, is now completing an internship program for what he studied and currently hates being so successful and in fact wants more. He's also going to Malaysia to work on some systems thing next Thursday. Oh yes, he also mentioned that he's dating a really cool girl. He dropped me off and we had an hour long conversation in the car. Maybe it's the martini i had or the fact i've never been one to understand complicated issues, but he's just so, not simple at all. It's difficult to explain.
Kelly, well she was never my friend so i don't care about she is or is not persuing. The same goes for Mike, Noranda's ex-fiance, but from what i know he's working for IBM.
Brian, graduated a year before all of his friends. He decided on not going to school in New York because it was too expensive. In fact he decided on ditching fashion design as a career and instead is aiming for graphic design (while perhaps learning fashion design on the side). Things were kind of rough for him but all the while he worked at some low paying job completely unrelated to his field of study. Brian also stopped painting and drawing for about a year. He's been saving all the money he's made for future endeavors. Currently he has applied to a great art school for graphic design. But at the moment he's worried about getting in and is developing doubts.
I think it's the crowd that changes my attitude. Clearly this is a group of overachievers. Arun is the type of person who is just smart, it's very effortless for him and if he applies himself a bit, he gets great results. Noranda and Dana are incredibly disciplined and gifted students. Mark is well, Mark. He's got the gift of being, exceptional.
Then there's my art friends. Sure they're bohemian and also well read. It's a different type of goal or maybe in this case non-goal. Things are laid back and very loose. Perhaps they're more idealists than the first group.
(Lastly we have my co-workers. Probably the worst crowd. All sucked into the vacuum and have hollow intentions of leaving.)
What I want to know is, where do I fall in? (The last group is not an option to consider.) I mean the overachievers crowd sounds great! I don't fit in very well in their group, not yet at least, though they always invite me to their gatherings. The bohemian group is seemingly fitting.
Why do I want to fit in? To belong? Am i being too self-centered? Why am I so self-centered? I want something boast worthy. As my cursor blinks attending my next move, i contemplate. What is it that I'm supposed to do? Should i have been doing that? Should i be doing research? My problems are trivial. I've always known that. Just hours ago I was thinking about what colors and yarn i want to use in yet another fall scarf and how my hair is getting tough to style because of the increasing length. There is nothing profoundly touching or unsettling about my life up to this moment. Everything so far has been a cumulation of minutes in a sheltered, idealistic and unchallenged existence, forming a loose film of sheer fluff.
Living and thinking very much inside the box. I know I have only myself to blame.

holy shit! Thursday, October 7, 2004 11:59 p.m.

so i can't sleep right now, and for some reason i remembered my first year roomate, Jay. He was probably my first 'bad experience' with a roomate. In retrospect the guy wasn't so bad. a bit of a redneck and i was probably a bit too sensitive/particular about his mannerisms (like using up all of my clean spoons and being a typical guy.)
I remember looking up my roomates a year ago, him in particular because he failed first year with flying colors (passed with 1.5 credits out of 5). He pretty much vanished from the school after his second year of retaking all of the first year courses he bombed (i suspect he dropped out).
It turns out now he's a graphic designer. erm yeah. I haven't talked to this guy in years. I wonder how he's doing. I recognize that picture taken on his bio page... i THINK that was me off to the side. or maybe i took the photo, either way i remember being there when it was taken. I also like how he makes it sound like he graduated from U of T.

Californye-aye roll. Thursday, October 7, 2004 01:39 p.m.

Whew. i woke up to the sound of my dog barking to the doorbell that my dad had been pressing. Scrambling to the door i welcomed him in, went to the bathroom, washed my face, brushed my teeth and jumped into some clothes and headed out.
We met up with the guy selling his car, he lives in downtown toronto, right next to the Ryerson university campus. We got a little lost. My dad had the printout map in his hand and tried to ask some overly dressed queer eye listening to his ipod. He wouldn't give us the time of day (i'm sure he blames his ipod), i blame the fact that he was too concerned looking like a gap model prancing down the school grounds to take notice to anything but his nose. I thought he could lose the weird black and white paisley shirt but whatever, we asked some real students and they sort of gave us a direction but i later pointed out that so and so street is parallel to this one-we were on the wrong side.
Crossing an intersection later we arrived at the guy's apartment complex.
He had a really nice place, totally upscale and conveniently across from the hospital. We took the car for a test drive. Smooth like butter but seriously dirty-i can't wait to give it a good wash. After they discussed certifications and emissions. After that was done we headed out.
Hit the BEST BUY, nothing much, just looking. Afterwards Sushi.
Before going home I needed to stop by Notre Dame Secondary School. Oh my gosh, there is definitely nothing i miss about that school. As soon as i walked up that concrete path, i saw to my left a crowd of 14 or 15 somethings sitting around portable classrooms. To my right, the entrance to the main foyer. Upon entering I was hit by a wave of teenage hormones and a mild nausea ensued...
Four years of intense internal and external deprogramming properly shaken up upon entering the socially restricting mini society of highschool.
I stormed in, out of uniform.
i wore thick rimmed glasses, my hair with highlights was tousled, all ears decked out with diamonds, studs and various hoops, a turquoise hoodie, pencil leg frayed jeans, an orange belt and a pair of white and mud green Royal Elastics. Definitely not something Brian Tam would have been caught dead wearing, well he would have gladly anywhere in fact, just not on a civic day at NDSS. Oh yeah, that's right, i didn't start using Chen until my senior year because it was too confusing for people to say in highschool and they would make fun if i did. This is of course how I felt and how it was back then.
I felt like i was falling backwards into a vacuum.
It's hard to believe that those 15 minutes as compared to the rest of my day stuck out the most. It's also hard to believe that i ever had problems saying what was on my mind and wearing whatever the hell i wanted, not caring what other people thought of me and basically being who i am. I think this kind of mentality switch or choice (to be yourself or not) profoundly affects how you'll be when you grow older. I'm not sure if people realize this or not.
I pushed and marched to the student services office. It turned out that the transcripts had gone up $3 and were now $5.00. Unfortunately i had only $2 cash. Fortunately she saw my situation and printed them for me free of charge. I had a brief encounter with my old French teacher now turned Counselor. She was busy on the phone but told me to give her a call. When i asked for the number, she just told me to call ND. haha I almost felt like taking the ND fridge magnets on her door but then reconsidered. Haha-Sure why not? There are some people there that are definitely worth the conversation.
I still have the rest of this day off, I'm going to relax a bit and send off the last of my application tonight.

still feeling pretty iambic. cold too! Wednesday, October 6, 2004 09:11 p.m.

took the day off work.
Going to see the car tomorrow. Then going to N.D. to pick up transcripts. Maybe lunch afterwards with Dad.
Don't forget to walk the dogs.
Love love,
B.

"Briarriet the spy" Tuesday, October 5, 2004 09:09 p.m.

Yesterday i think i got high. I can't say, all i know is that i felt a little dizzy and disoriented for about 15 mins and then it went away. Some of my indian coworkers gave me something called supardhi (the d is silent) also known as 'beetle nuts'. They asked me if i wanted some so being naive i said 'sure! i like trying different things'
Alex warned me that they're really hard and you're supposed to chew on it for an hour or so. In disbelief, i took what appeared to be fragments of walnut shells into my mouth, chewed it and then swallowed it about 5 minutes later. The damned things tasted like wood. i later said "if i wanted to eat wood, i'd eat my floors at home."
No sooner than perhaps 2 or 3 minutes after tasting them i started to feel like my head was swimming (slightly).
Being the straight arrow that I am, I was pretty annoyed at what i was just given. I went to my other indian friend and asked her to help me identify what i had just consumed. As it turned out she compared it to "how after a large meal, chinese people smoke opium". Of course! Because i do that all the time!
I told her that if i get hit by a car on my way home as a result of my incapacitation that i'd haunt her and her indian coworkers until they all met their demise (think The grudge)
I also cleaned out my keyboard home row and all with a vacuum and a cloth yesterday, i think my keys are actually harder to type now as a result. I guess all the dirt, dust and hair caught under the keys made typing a little softer. Also part of the structure underneath the space bar broke.
My head feels like the song Iambic 5 Poetry. Maybe i'm coming down with something, and if so, i think i'll bail on work tomorrow. I'm reaching my limit now with the infantile mentality in that workplace.
The place is like a nursery but instead of naps, the babies and rarely seen adults are doing work in cubicles. The management are the babysitters or teachers tutting their fingers at everyone. They fuss if we leave 4 minutes early but never seem to notice if we come in 20 minutes prior to the shift. We now have to sign in and out for lunch, which is a total joke as the team seniors aka 'hall monitors' don't even look at the books. My disdain and depreciating respect for the management grows daily as i hear them facilitating more of this nonsense-and at the same time they complain about it.
"I understand ... but... and company... and policy...fiscal fuck... WHAT?"
"NEWSFLASH MOTHERFUCKER, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THINGS. YOU ARE GAY."
Thank goodness i've submitted my application for school eeeaaarrrly.
Regardless if i get in or not, i'm still leaving by the same projected date (august 2005) for something else.
My manager still tries to talk to me, i feel only 0.1% sorry for him. He facilitates most of this office pettiness by attempting diplomacy. He tries hard to know the trends, i mean he's only 28 so it shouldn't be a lost hope. The other day i told him that I have intentions of getting a mohawk sometime next year and he said "get one now!" and something to the tune of :
"i wanted to get one but ...for obvious reasons i can't. but i tried to have one like David Beckham a few months ago"
"WHAT?! Are you telling me that rooster hairdo thing you were doing was a Beckham 'hawk?' I thought you were just growing it long in the back a la mullet.."
Apparently i was wrong and that he was just growing 'long' back then. He then tried to defend the losing battle of his apparent lameness by saying he dresses 'normal' on the weekends-like he has tracksuits or something. GAME OVER. Saying stuff like that only makes you sound like more of an ignorant lameass and a total convert.
Seriously, my sisters are way cooler than him. No surprises there, they are my family after all.
Today he asked me what i was reading and i made up some line that i was reading a book written by the company. Then he told me that the company actually did write a book: how to survive a student loan. or something like that. my only response was
"yeah here's the answer, it's called don't have a kid when you're 20."
I later confessed that i write in a daily journal and when i first started working at the company it was nothing but acidic prose. He then wanted to know what i wrote... Man never before had i felt such a fierce revulsion. He then openly admitted that he wanted to see what was being said about other people. Like he was looking forward to seeing someone else get grilled other than him. So this kind verbal laceration is alright, just as long as he's not the receiver?
he also asked me if he 'was clean' in my journal, that just made things worse.
I do not care how much he gets berated, i am utterly turned off by that cowardice.
I could see it now, my manager reads my online journal on a daily basis. I mean it's bad enough (sometimes) that i already have an audience of strangers from various parts of the world, my two sisters and my local friends reading my journal from time to time-it's not good writing and being conscious of an audience or holding back because i might get into a fight with someone (even though it is my journal)...
but my manager?! AS IF. fuck that, i was so gung ho on not saying the specifics let alone giving him the site address. hell i don't think i want to tell anyone from work my journal address. I told a friend at work the address but thankfully she forgot it the time i told her.
Nobody reminds me of my dogs. So I don't get along with anyone.

FURIOUS WHITE OUT FISTS OF FERAL FRUGALITY Monday, October 4, 2004 10:03 p.m.

holy shit!! a WHITE car!! Aaah!
ohmygosh. calm down self.

My dad's birthday was September 30th. Sunday, October 3, 2004 09:40 p.m.

I wished him a belated happy birthday on the phone this morning.
French cuff shirts. I think I'll invest in one or two of those. My mom was clearing out some of the drawers in the house and she found a box containing a pair of very old and very patinaed pair of gold star sapphire cufflinks. They belonged to my dad. Today at lunch i returned them to him. He asked me if i wanted them. Stating that he no longer needed "those kinds of things", i inherited them. They actually match an old black star sapphire ring i've had since i was 13.
So yeah. I need to keep an eye out for cufflink shirts. I sometimes wear my dad's old ones but they're, well, old.
This month i am holding off on buying anything for myself as my birthday will no doubt, quickly approach. So for the sake(s) of my sister(s) i'll quickly jot down a small list of things: (I promise this is the first and last birthday post of this year!!)
-the new bjork cd: Medulla (the limited edition comes with a poster!)
-haha a very guilty pleasure: the sugababes cd (the old one, i don't know the name but my friend sent me some of the songs last year and i liked it. it has the song 'freak like me' hahaha)
-there's a houndstooth sweater i saw at the gap (online), one word: brown.
That's it really, i don't really want anything except for an admission to ocad. And i don't think anyone in my family can get me that except for one person.
Oh here's something i just thought of: a really good book on drawing portraits. yeah. Or oil painting for that matter. i've always wanted to formally learn how to do that sort of thing, this whole self taught thing is great and all but sometimes i'd just like to know how to do things a la old skool. I guess my sisters or dad won't know where to look on this sort of things so i could ask my mom but i know her response will be something lazy like "oh i have very good books on anatomy you could look at" or "study your art books".

But, if i don't get any of the aforementioned items, i'm fine. As long as i get to have a dinner with my family, i'm pretty happy.

just like in highschool Thursday, September 30, 2004 11:12 p.m.

Today at work, out of sheer despair i wrote a brief incantation on the back of my left hand. A simple but effective reminder. Really an order to myself:
"SUBMIT OUAC APPLICATION!"
After my evening shower, i did exactly that.

Thursday, September 30, 2004 10:17 p.m.

It shames me to say this, but i have over 6 pairs of jeans, and i really only wear two pairs. one black and another pair going on approximately 9 years now. I just added on another couple of years to it's lifespan by reinforcing the ass area with a gigantic denim patch on the inside.

holy shit, lyanda jackson! Wednesday, September 29, 2004 04:40 p.m.

The meeting was absolutely retarded. It was basically everything i thought it would be. bla bla bla don't worry about your hours bla bla bla peak bla bla bla everything will pick up soon bla bla.
Then bla bla bla, contracts bla bla if you get your productivity up to 90% you get the contract position bla bla pay raise bla bla.
I can't believe i rushed out of the house to come to this. I also found out that today was a 5 hr day. Oh well, on the 'positive' side, i ran into an old classmate from highschool while taking the train home.
In the car i turned back to take the exit that didn't require the two piece metal bridge to the platform. When i turned, i saw a black girl smiling and waving. For sure this girl is waving to someone behind me.... it took me about 20 seconds to register who it was.
Lyanda Jackson! The one and only. Haha this girl was the most positive and upbeat person in highschool and after my conversation with her she probably still is the same upbeat kid i knew back when we were 14. She's studying at u of T for teacher's college, and she wants to go back to the ol' highschool and teach there. She referred to it as 'putting a little color' into our school. haha. She offered me a ride home, actually she insisted. I didn't want to be an inconvenience so i told her i'd just take the bus as i always did, she then stated that it was on her way (which was no lie-i realized this after she told me her area).
We got a bit lost in the parking lot, actually she couldn't find her car and then after about 10 mins i found it. So yeah on our way to my place i asked how she was doing. I can't believe how optimistic this girl is, she really makes me feel like even more of a whiny putz the more i think of it. After she arrived at my driveway we talked for a few more minutes. She told me she ran a marathon a few weeks ago but can't spread herself too thin because it's exhausting.
I was surprised to hear about how she found it difficult going to a mostly white school. I mean, she was pretty popular so i was surprised she noticed and had similar feelings about Burlington. Also she told me that there were certain names that just stuck out to her, and "Brian Tam" was definitely one of them. Which is funny because I haven't used that last name in at least 4 years. Chen-Tam is so ingrained, i sometimes forget my last name just used to be "Tam". I kinda miss it. I felt bad when i told her that i probably wouldn't have recognized her if she hadn't yelled out my name. She replied "oh that hurts!" But then i told her i'd definitely visit her at ND when she starts up her practicum.
I admit i had a little bit of a hard time thinking of what to talk about seeing how we weren't the hugest of friends in highschool and we only have one or two mutual friends. In the end she gave me her cell phone number and told me to give her a call if I wanted to do something. I'll definitely hold onto it but i think i'll wait till i have a car before i do anything (eep i'm hoping this will be soon!)
Maybe i'll call her to come out for a movie or something with a few other friends?
I'm also tentatively planning a fall BBQ. i think that'd be so cool. I never understand what is so great about slaving over a fire during weather that matches that very same heat. It's like eating popsicles in a meat freezer.

it's bye bye miniskirt weather, that's what i'm talkin' about. Tuesday, September 28, 2004 10:35 p.m.

Tomorrow the temps are going to have their own exclusive meeting in the BANTING ROOM on the 16th floor. It's going to be with regards to the reduction in hours we've been having lately. Apparently. Haha whatever, i couldn't care less at this point. I'm just ticking off the months i have before school starts next year. (11 months now-no wait! that's how many months i have until i quit my job! hahaha) Right now, i'm at the point where i'm just going to see how long i can stay at this place before i push someone into the copy machine or shred bin.
I took a concensus as to what the meeting would be about, and it's either one or none of the following:
a. Reduced shifts for the remaining month and the next until the peak hits in November.
b. October is off, the workload is so manageable that they will cut us for the month (thereby saving a few thousand dollars for that department-probably reallocated for management bonuses.)
c. Moving to another department and helping them out for the month-Like the time i did the work in the mailroom and annihilated their work.
d. We're 'let go'.
e. The worst possible scenario: We're officially hired. There are contract positions opening up in October. So we might be notified to apply or something. This wouldn't be so bad i guess, 6 months contract and the pay will be about $3-5 dollars more than our current pay. So i guess that means i'll be making $3.99-5.99 dollars an hour.
I'm also glad to see the weather is cooling off. Fall is coming next week sometime and things will finally begin to start dying. Unfortunately this includes the daylight.
I took out all of my studs. I cleaned them and put them aside. I think too many of them on my lobes causes irritation. It's mainly the backings that are terrors on my skin. Plus I know for a fact that dermatitis will happen if the skin is denied oxygen flow for a period of time. I also took out the fake diamond stud that belonged to my grandma. I think there was nickel in the post, but i didn't care that is until about 3 weeks later. I put back in all of my hypo-allergenic earrings. I think i might want to stretch my lobes again. I resurrected my old 8g'ers. To get back down to that size again really shouldn't be too difficult either.

My life as a dog. Saturday, September 25, 2004 11:44 p.m.

Oscar woke me up this morning. Endless wailing at four a.m. Surely it would pass. I laid in bed awake, I fell asleep at nine or ten the previous night. I then got up, went to the bathroom and slipped into my hot bed. The caterwauling continued until i brought the noisebringer and his unwilling victim of a roomate to my bed where they could collapse peacefully on and underneath the duvet.
Restless, i got up. I ate leftover pasta for breakfast, and went back to my desk.

I scrawled this out before going back to sleep.
I forgot that thanksgiving is so far away, it's because my mom is leaving to Egypt during the actual thanksgiving period, we're having tomorrow. My sister and I prepared pumpkin pies tonight. The crusts are made from graham crackers. They are ready for their maiden voyage tomorrow. It doesn't even feel like fall. I'm still wearing shorts and sandals.
I hand picked and edited the digital photographs for Dawn's wedding present. A 9 paneled UMBRA frame. I love umbra,they are one of the coolest design houses out there. I printed 2 sets, one black and white and one in color. I ended up using the black and white pictures. I gave some of the color photos to Tiff. I'll probably keep the rest for reference pics. One can never get enough of Degas-esque wedding photographs and Chinese silk dresses not to mention all the photos I printed were candid shots. Good stuff them things. I can't stop looking at the photos in the frame, it really makes me want to buy another gigantic frame and do the dance all over again.
But I don't want to because, it was a major pain in the royal ass getting these things!! First the people told me to wait 1.5 hours, then they messed up my prints and gave me glossy when i had asked for matte(the girl wrote it down on the envelope 'M'), fifteen minutes later everything they get it right, it was only when we were putting the photos in the frame at home did we get a call about their mistake-the forgot to return my photo cd! They gave me the empty case and i didn't even realize it because i was so relieved to get the correct photographs.
Oh yeah also, the black and white obtained in manual development is ten times better. It actually looks black and white, not browny navy blue and white-the greys in the photos look slightly bluish.
We went out for dinner tonight, it was brought to my attention that I might have a minor thyroid problem... This may explain a lot.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004 03:17 p.m.

I played a game today walking home from the hill.
Every step i took, it would drop one degree.
That was unrealistic, seeing how it takes 15-20 mins to walk home from that point.
Revised the rules: every 10 steps i took, it would drop 1 degree.
still no good.
Revised (final cut): every 100 steps= 10 degree drop.
Yeah I could've made it. It's roughly 500-600 steps.

scared deracs. Tuesday, September 21, 2004 07:06 p.m.

Fed up with the e-delay, I called the admins office. Clarified everything. Now my fears have been confirmed, i have to go back to my highschool and pick up transcripts OR i'm going to see if the school i had applied to ages ago still has a record of my transcripts.
Either way, i think i'm coming down with a cold or something. My head is feeling a little hot and i'm getting sensitive to cold air. I am also wearing a wool cardigan indoors when it is 20 something degrees outside.

well i may be just a fool, but I know you're just as cool. Monday, September 20, 2004 08:38 p.m.

It's that time of the year again, where I start making lists of things to do in order of importance:
-Get correspondance from the OUAC (ontario universities admissions centre) asap. I emailed them about some transcript bizznasty and i'm still waiting to hear back from them.
-put together sister's wedding present
-get a replacement chair for the studio, start practicing and sketching on a regular basis.
-take a shower.
-pick up violin again. and start practicing
-get a car.

Modern Romance (cont'd from god knows when) Sunday, September 19, 2004 10:25 p.m.

Beautiful people have nothing to complain about. "Oh shit i'm so bitter! Why? Good question."
Holy hell, if there's one thing i've done a lot of lately, down to a ritual, it's been shopping. I'm not even going to list out the things, it would just nauseate myself more.
this week, returning to my strict amish regiment of saving like scrooge and caring just like the aforementioned (and not to forget excercising, i've been sedentary for a month). I will also use my powers for good only.
Today I found the original 'manuscript' of the wedding speech i said at my sister's wedding a few weeks ago. It was folded and flattened in the pocket of my jean shorts. And seconds after i hit the 'done!' button of this entry, i am going to submit my online application for school... Well, walk my dogs first and then do the application.

BLAM SIX!! BLAM SEVEN!! Saturday, September 18, 2004 08:42 a.m.

Yep, i did it. I think only my sister (the unmarried one) will notice.
Then i went home. passed out at 10. woke up. and took a shower.

jesus is never the reason. Thursday, September 16, 2004 11:10 p.m.

why do i always help strangers?
Today, i decided answered to the call of some distressed woman on the bus. She was wailing about missing the train (the very same one that i get every day). I reassured her that she wouldn't miss it but she insisted that she or rather we were going to miss it. I could have kicked her in the face for being so annoying, she constantly gave a really made-for-tv nervous laugh with every sentence that came out of her mouth. She also made sure to complain to me in between laughs.
By the time we got to the stop, I showed her the shortcut that i take and then i began to do my usual easy sprint. We got to the station, still in disbelief that we were ahead of schedule (whatever), she continued to run hearing the train...coming from the opposite track and direction. When we arrived on the platform she confessed being asthmatic.
I regret not running faster.
While waiting for the track, I made an effort to converse with her about her commute issue. Between the bus lines i cared nothing for and her incessant whining, i pondered cutting her off and telling her "i don't care. i just wanted to show you the fast route so you'd stop complaining."
She wouldn't stop whining even when the train arrived and started to slow down. I had hoped to get into another door while she talked and then lose her. Unfortunately she followed me in, at that point i walked very fast and made sure to just slide into the next car.
I think tomorrow, after work, i want to get my ears pierced again.

Amici Arcanum Wednesday, September 15, 2004 11:38 p.m.

Last week I rallied a few emails back and forth with a good and almost estranged friend of mine. I haven't really talked to him since well, forever. Whenever I did it was at a party either thrown by me or someone else-translation: not really talking at all. With things like the wedding, getting my license and other nonsenses out of the way (making room for more over the next few months guaranteed), i proposed meeting up downtown the friday of that week.
Coincidentally major events were running that night. The Toronto Film Festival started and that same night there was another event thrown by one of the major tv corporations in Ontario.
I admit I got my second wind after arriving at Union Station. My body knew it'd be a long night (by the time i got to bed i had been awake for 22.5hrs). After meeting up at the Eaton Center, Mark showed me his office. A swanky and very brown environment. I admit being a little envious, but only a bit. I don't know how i'd survive in that kind of a workplace, but i know he on the other hand is probably a bit more adaptive-or perhaps i'm not giving myself enough credit? All i do know is that he works right above a major shopping mall in Toronto-and I work right across the second largest mall in Canada-we both have office jobs and well yeah... living the life of an X'er or is that Y?
Anyway, we had a lot of catching up to do, Mark lept from one anecdote to another, never really quite finishing the initial one then only coming back to it an hour later. We walked all around Queen St. We stopped in front of the Film Fest to see if we could possibly get in. As it turned out MARK HAD THE OPPORTUNITY AND TICKETS OR SOMETHING to go and bring ANYONE but in a mysterious lapse of judgement he said he declined the month before. Well to make matters simpler and less verbose, we had ended up going to the first restaurant (Easy Sushi) he had proposed but only after wandering and suggesting about 50 other restaurants (okay maybe more like... 8-i know he reads my journal).

After an inexpensive Japanese meal, we were booted out and we headed for the streets for a place to relax and bond over alcohol... Haha, i mean share a pint and a laugh. Upon heading out, we caught the rush of the media. I saw some cameras and gestured to him (and i paraphrase)
"hey look it's a tv camera! Let's casually walk in front of it! C'mon!" (then i walked ahead and he followed suit, then turning around and squinted.)
"Ugh, it's only Rogers cable, that's not even TV it'll probably be on channel four or something unknown. HAAHA look they don't even have access to get inside."
Sure enough they didn't. The woman and her cameraman insisted on walking around the crowds, trying to give a really pathetic report for her station. We were right beside her. I told Mark to stand in front of me while i secretly snap her loser shots. This later advanced to more amusing levels incorporating hand gestures and faces. Also I'd like to mention how disgusted i was at everyone who had dressed up in hopes of getting in. L-A-M-E-A-S-S-E-S!!

We decided to ditch that area after seeing how many star struck people there were (seriously, they were taking pictures of the judges from Canadian Idol okay, i wouldn't have gawked at the American ones, so what the hell makes anyone think i'd do the same for our tryhard blowhard Canadian counterparts?)
We continued to walk away from the crowd and I let Mark take over the photography for the night. He's pretty new to the digital thing so it was fun seeing him going crazy taking lots of pictures (yes, i inserted his piece d'oeuvre the flower blur thing-which i admit does look kinda cool. reminds me of a C�zanne painting). Then snapped a few more of me in front of the flower shop-i admit the photos were blurry mostly because i kept on moving.
"it smells like crepes" I noticed this as i backed away from the flower shop.
"you're right. turn around."
"Ah well, I knew it! My mom is a crepe nut..."

We continued onwards, to some little pub nearby. We actually passed by the pub my sisters and I had gone to the few nights before her wedding (i still am meaning to post those up eventually..) But we didn't stop there. We continued until we reached the end. Sat in the front and ordered a pint of blonde beer. I don't really remember much during that part because I kind of gulped my beer down as it was getting late and as much as i like the lighter tasting beers i don't really savor it's taste as i would say... a mango. Yeah i think I got a little buzzed, but I do remember commenting on how i buy cheap clothes, posing for more awkward pictures and um... talking about food, cooking, visiting more often and uh...I remember it being fun, that's all-no specific details.
Mark and I parted ways as we got to the end of the street, I was only the slightest bit surprised i wasn't getting an escort to the area/vicinity of departure but i was determined to get home, sober or not. As it turns out, i have never been in Toronto by myself, at night and drunk. Well there was that time i got stranded downtown at the bus terminals during sub zero weather (with minimal clothing i might add) but that is another story. I eventually ended up walking into a coffee place and asked for directions again as I didn't seem to remember the ones previously mentioned.
Finally i found a little sign of hope, a TTC subway stop. I hopped in, asked for more directions, then got in, only to realize i was one stop away from my destination. So i wasted a token. Shit happens.

Getting home nearly drunk proved to be a little difficult but a welcoming challenge for this suburbanite. However upon arrival at the station, it turned out not only had i missed the original train i intended to catch, but the subsequent train was delayed indefinitely. Basically I had waited about another hour and a half and by the time i hopped onto the train it was 3am. Before that I caught another lovely shot of some vomit on the floor beside the trash can i was sitting around. I tried to fend off boredom/exhaustion by walking around the station. I regretted profusely for packing my pretentious book on the Medici family and not bringing my Gameboy advance instead. So walking back to my seat had proven to be interesting, grasping the stainless steel sides, was a man puking aimlessly, literally, everywhere. Fortunately i missed all of the projectiles and caught it on film after he left the proximity.
Upon the fated hour of arrival, i had a minor panic attack that i ventured onto the wrong train, as some moron seemed it his responsibility to make annoying commentary with every announcement that was spoken by the conductor. Finally, fed up with his idiocy, i left the car and went to the other one. It was only then i started hearing a strange buzzing noise. Thinking it was the individual behind me, i stared into the window to my right and noticed the person behind me was wide awake. Perhaps he was sleeping with his eyes open? Closer to my destination I realized that it was in fact the man at the very end of the car who was throwing his snores across the train like a ventriloquist.
I did want to wake him up as we reached the last stop but I thought otherwise as I'm pretty sure some people saw me taking pictures of his snoring wonder.
I got home, passed out, and woke up at 2pm the next day.
THE END
And if you peek really closely you can not only see my jeans but in the next frame you can see a small triangle of his belly poking out.

who knows fashion? Tuesday, September 14, 2004 11:07 p.m.

"i predict the latest trend will be something that looks good on skinny people."
WHOA!! STOP THE PRESSES.
i went to visit a friend last friday in toronto. there will be photo montages to follow. just not right now. it's late.

Tuesday, September 7, 2004 09:18 p.m.

Man, how did i ever apply for post secondary programs? Well, i know the answer to that question, things were practically done for you in highschool. I looked at the application portfolio process thing again last night, i have seriously been stagnant in art creation for at least a good 10 months. I am definitely signing myself up for some evening classes and workshops to get myself up to scratch before the portfolio interview.

Wednesday, September 1, 2004 08:49 p.m.

Well, i got off work early to meet up with my aunt and uncle for one more time before their departure.
We went out for a late lunch, walked around for an hour or so and then said our goodbyes.
2 hours later i arrive at my doorstep.
the fast approaching long weekend ought to prove to be fun. I have the house all to myself also...hm.

Tuesday, August 31, 2004 11:38 p.m.

I'm having so much fun over these last few days i never want them to end. But i know tomorrow is going to be the finale.
I'm going out with my aunt and uncle one last time for lunch after work (i'm getting off at 2 at a special request). They're going back to the wonderful west coast world of SF and leaving me here in east coast office hell. At least i'll have thursday and friday all to myself to mope around the house. I think i'll be in withdrawl from all of the crazy shopping trips and late nights.
I was surprised to see that they had been waiting for me after work in the park. As it turned out they didn't end up doing their original plans to visit their relatives in Toronto. Instead we met up with their niece from my aunt's side. We also tried to go see Prince's house up on Bridle Path but I think things were too congested to get there.
At the end, fireworks went off at The Ex upon our departure from the city.

I'm a wild one Sunday, August 29, 2004 02:34 a.m.

the wedding went really well. Everything seemed to change after the rehearsals yesterday. For a fleeting moment it felt as if my sister was transfigured into someone else. Not because of the dress (because she wasn't wearing it at the rehearsal) or anything but i guess the reality that my oldest sister was getting married and this guy she was marrying is now a part of the family (officially).
the ceremony was clean and simple and I shot a lot of photographs 'behind the scenes' or as i put it 'where no professional could go' (i.e. the dressing rooms, etc.). I tried to ease up my sister's anxiety by asking her to look silly in photographs, and being the good sport she IS, she did exactly that.
actually thursday night we had gone out to a pub and met up with my brother in law's friends. There was something truly great about the three of us hanging out for one last time as it was my sister's last night being 'single'. I told her that it would be the last time we'd hang out like this. I don't think that was the Hoegarden speaking either.
The peak of anxiety for me and my other sister was definitely the speech time. I was panicked moreso because i had found out my sister, the traitorous one, had stayed up all night and wrote hers while i passed out that night. I mulled and brooded over what to say and nothing came to fruition. I even tried writing it beside my sister who was re-writing hers-nothing.
During dinner (about 7 hours later and about 1.25 hrs before the fated hour) i realized to keep my message simple and honest and to not hinder it with anecdotes. I had already decided upon two paragraphs about my sister and my brother-in-law, memorizing it wouldn't be enough as it was tough to re-dictate mentally amidst the animated chatter. I left, went to the washroom, then i swiped my pen from the signing desk, and snatched a sheet of names from my sister's folder, conveniently left on the counter by the bar.
The waves of laughter indicated that my speech was a success, especially at bringing the comic relief. My other sister delivered hers. It was very well composed and didn't have the kind of last minute rushedness feeling that is ever so my trademark. She started to cry and at that moment i'm pretty sure all the women in the house and myself included (i'm also affected being the other sibling), all felt the same way in certain degrees.
My mom spoke a very eloquent speech, although she did make sure to throw in her signature 'mom' type of remarks that included how certain individuals didn't do things her way and such. My sister and i are going to put the original 'manuscripts' of our speeches into the guestbook on the final few pages, i think it will add a nice touch.
All in all it was a great wedding and I look forward to sifting through all the photographs.

Saturday, August 28, 2004 12:44 a.m.

We just finished making the little table favors, or whatever you call them, for the wedding. I still have to write a speech.
i'm going to bed.

yeah yeah yeah do the harlem shuffle! Wednesday, August 25, 2004 10:12 p.m.

My hair hasn't been this short in almost 2 years. I really got it cut. all 5-6 inches. Oh man, i don't have bangs, no more sidesweep, no more silky jet mane, my smooth and effortless shine is all traded in for jagged frocked up tufts of hair.
I really like it. It felt weird turning around the hallway and not having my hair fly in my face or having to tilt my head so i can see through my part. I actually got a bit of a headache after leaving the salon-i think parting with so much was traumatic.
I also bought the styling product Yeemi used on my head($26 for a pot! OUCH). During the haircutting i told her i originally wanted a mohawk but because my sister's wedding is fast approaching i had to go 'neat'. After the cut she said "yeah grow your hair out and then come back and i'll give you a mohawk."
I could tell that she wasn't too crazy about giving me such a mainstream guy haircut-but i'm just content with having something drastically different after being bored for almost a year. She and my old stylist, Jen, both wanted me to get the 'hawk' done right then but... alas, earwax..
She declared mohawks were her speciality and that people from downtown Toronto come up to get them. Admiring the line patterns buzzed on her front/temple area , i made a request for something like that. Of course I will wait a considerable amount of time before i go that far...
Also now that my hair is so short, i have to put stuff in it all the time.
After I left i realized i looked completely like something out of the 80s. I was wearing my ink painting t-shirt of a rabbit, off white/grey pants, black shoes a grey pinstriped blazer and I had left my tiny ruby cross necklace on from a few nights ago. Miami vice? Miami NICE.
(took pictures, will post them later.)

if you have time to lean, you have time to clean Tuesday, August 24, 2004 09:23 p.m.

Those were the immortal words of my moronic ex-boss of summers passed.
My sister's wedding is in 4 days and nothing is surfacing for my speech. I'm sure my other sister is having the same challenge.
Well, it finally happened today. I had a conversation with a stranger on the bus. It started with me noticing in the corner of my eye that someone's face was motioning towards mine. I looked forwards and pulled one of my headphones off.
"Excuse me, um.. how much were your headphones?"
"Uh.. around $40?" (actually i think they were closer to $60 but i didn't want to come off as sounding totally rich or something-don't ask me why).
"Ah. How much was your ipod?"
This continued for a bit, i talked about how i paid 'x' amount back then and how they've dropped in price. Then he told me about how he had one for about a month and then lost his (i offered my condolences while pretending to hear most of his story-my other ear still had a headphone attached). He also said that he almost suspected me of finding his ipod and claiming it as my own, to which i responded that i've had mine for over a year now-not to mention i have a different model.
I figured this finished, until the person next to me got up for their stop. The stranger, i'm guessing a teenaged boy no older than 18 or 19 perhaps, got up and sat down beside me and continued the conversation. I figured he was this age because he mentioned his prom and taking a date and having her sleep over (then assuring me she was a friend who lived far away-because it mattered to me somehow?). I watched whom i assumed to be his much younger siblings fidget in their seats. His sister was lying and rolling in the connecting seats and the brother stared at the two of us.
The conversation shifted to computers and how i use a macintosh. And because the guy decided to sit beside me i felt like there was a mutual obligation to maintain the weakening conversation.
I forgot what he was talking about at the end, all i remember was looking at my watch and then interrupting
"Oh this is my stop."
"oh okay see ya, take care man!"
I also finalized on a new hairstyle for the wedding. I booked an appointment for tomorrow. I have a picture and i took a concensus (my opinion weighing the most). My hair right now is chin length, it's longer than my mom's!!
I still think that perhaps later this year i'll get that long awaited mohawk.

hey guess what folks? This minute i really hate you. Sunday, August 15, 2004 10:01 p.m.

Okay last week was the pits.
I had some weird alien stomach flu and held back vomit after eating the smallest of things (I later found out that bananas are bad for your stomach if you're feeling queasy).
Also my room was a very tidy place not too long ago.
Yesterday I had another gathering with my cousins. Celebrating my aunt's birthday and another excuse for them to gather and play mahjong. We also went bowling-always an outing when my family does stuff like this.
I also met my 21 year old cousin's 35+ year old gross boyfriend. I held back waves of nausea as his cologne proceeded to trespass into my air and general personal space. I later expressed how much he resembled Leisure Suit Larry. Oh, Deb, what're you doing? Smarten up.
The last few minutes of today have been spent ironing the shirts on the drying rack. I did 10 and a massive pile still remains.

Just call me Crampers. Tuesday, August 10, 2004 10:12 p.m.

Yesterday I bought:
-1 black gameboy advance
-Final Fantasy Tactics Advance
-Kingdom Hearts
and today I went out for Japanese food with one of my closer buddies from the old days of art school. I had a 13pc sushi set and she had 3 handrolls (she claims each handroll is equal to 4 pieces of sushi). We had set to meet up with another art pal but her car broke down and consequently we had to pick her up from the garage. This other friend is great and all but, sometimes she's a bit imposing not to mention cheap. really cheap. But, one can't hate her for very long as she's such a sincere and honest person. Plus, a great conversationalist.
After we picked her up, it was decided that I get dropped off at ye local train station that was in broken-down-car-friend's city. Yeah, my poor pal#1 had to drop off pal#2 over to her place (#2 asked, and well... i made an attempt to tell her to take the train with me but she deflected that suggestion easily.)
#2 had also informed me that my ex-roomate, the cuntry bumpkin, got accepted into some school of the London Institute. We were all eluded as to how she got in. BUT we all knew how she funded it. As it turns out, our other friend who got in (because she's good), got a bursary of sorts from her very rich millionaire brother-in-law. Now cuntry girl decides on asking our friend's in-law for the same favor. And well she got funded. A bitchfest went on but was cut very short as my train had arrived.
All in all a good day. Except for one thing... I had serious cramps. Yeah I wasn't having a period or anything. i guess the previous night i had inhaled too much air while eating and well, pain ensued from 4am until basically 10:20pm as of now. (i think i burped the last of the air out of my previously distended gut-oh wait i think there's about 250ml more left. ugh. why the hell does this hurt so much??).

one tough musume with a license. Sunday, August 8, 2004 09:23 p.m.

I found a greenish tweed blazer that once belonged to my dad.
That makes four in my collection. This fall, I'm going to try to wear a blazer daily. I have a simple black one, a pinstriped one (black w/ thin grey stripes), blue tweed and now a greenish tweed-which kind of clashes with my hair color.
We celebrated a tri-birthday for my cousins today. I still remain the karaoke champ.
My sister also bought me a neon green Nalgene water bottle to replace my shoddy Evian bottle. It's great. It's compact (500ml). It's neon. AND I can also use it as a blunt weapon at work if needed.
I also have to book yet another hair appointment before the wedding. I'd better get some pictures ready-All i know is that i want something cropped and above my eyes. I showed a picture of a style idea to my mom and she was like "Oh... You want a shaggy hairstyle? It's not neat though..." BLEH!
20 days until the big day. I still haven't written a speech.
Also, MEC is coming out with some really nice bags.. damn. I'm starting to get really sick of my red, yellow and black bag..
Man, having two consecutive long weekends is taking it's toll on me.

FILL YOUR HOUSE WITH CHRISTMAS CHEER! Friday, August 6, 2004 03:21 p.m.

AT LAST IT'S MINE... THE DEVIL'S EYE!!!!
i mean...MY DRIVER'S LICENSE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
Sure the dude was like... 30 mins late. and my heart had already exploded out of anticipation, but it was good. i was good. perhaps 'over cautious' but... IT'S MINE NOW.

Maybe this time tomorrow Wednesday, August 4, 2004 06:31 p.m.

What i want to know is:
Will a middle part ever come back in style?
As everyone knows, everything is cyclical.
On an unrelated note, I've started to plan a trip for next year. When i quit my job (granted i'm still working there and they haven't fired me), by August sometime (also assuming i got into my school) I want to plan a trip to either New York. I'm hoping that by then the level of 'danger' or 'terrorism' won't have raised to some some other random 'hue' alert, like puce or taupe. I need to think of a backup location, preferably someplace within a reasonable driving distance or has a cheap airfare (i.e. $100CDN+).
I liked my previous entry, photos are fun, even moreso when they contain people you despise.

tushee-edo mirrah-achoo! Tuesday, August 3, 2004 09:31 p.m.

what was I thinking? Man, i don't want to start cutting my own hair again but i definitely want to have it short like that in the near future.
oh yeah i ALMOST forgot, from left to right: friend, buh, dum-dum, crazy, moron, friend, cunt (friends with buh and whiny bitch), semibitch/friend, gross girl who photographed her boyfriend nude (suspected to use photographs as porn afterwards), idiot, timid flower blossom (teacher), bitch, dude-where's-my-car?, whiny bitch, friend, and lastly ms.pretendtobestupidandthenfreakoutwhenyoucallherdumb.

Pina Colada aversion. sick sick. Monday, August 2, 2004 09:38 p.m.

the long weekend. gone in four sleeps.
It's really the second last day that is really like the last day. It has the same tragic feeling as Saturday.
Well my sister is finally moved into her brand new place. I never want to lift a television again. I think that new boob tube of hers was well over 400lbs. When my turn comes around, it's all about the small plasma televisions.
I think it was sometime last night or it was the day before, but while half-awake I ordered a movie online from cd universe (it was cheaper than amazon.ca, i had checked this earlier that day). It concerns me that I ordered this while almost asleep. Oh well. it looks like it'll be a good movie anyway.
This week, working 3 days, Friday is d-day.

I love schnauzers. Saturday, July 31, 2004 11:50 a.m.

Phew! I passed. One more to go.

bark! Friday, July 30, 2004 05:13 p.m.

Endings matter. let's just start there. they do. A story can be breathtaking from the beginning until the moments leading up to the finale, however it's the ending that satiates me.
Take for example, I just finished watching Wolf's Rain. I recommend it to anyone. The animation, music, characters, story are all golden. I wouldn't expect anything less from that studio. But often it's the usual case, everything is set up so well and well,... yeah. Basically the story goes past the irreturnable and how things go from there risk either being bad, good, or leave me feeling tepid and perhaps slightly depressed. In this case it was the last one (feeling tepid and depressed).
And to make matters worse, i just found this site while looking for the Wolf's Rain website (they advertised it on the episodes i watched, i guess the site is no longer up), and now it's depressing me. it reminds me of my dog, Cally. I'm getting too emotional right at this moment.

Which Wolf's Rain Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Le Sigh, I need a life.

Je cherche dans la nuit. Monday, July 26, 2004 09:06 p.m.

Lately I've had this thing. I have something good to mention or make a note of entering in my journal, but then i forget about it. Even clever titles for my entries have been escaping me. The culprit for the shortage of my entries is mainly the implimentation of other extra activities in my evenings.
It's not stagnancy or complacency well maybe a little bit of laziness but I have pretty much lost interest in the internet. I still enjoy frequenting a short list of sites, namely: email, my faithful pita, some anime torrent site, my joke of a drawing board and a message board or two. This all takes less than 10 minutes to do in total. But often if i sometimes find myself looking at those sites maybe two or three times in a complete rotation-almost as if expecting some kind of an update-even funnier when it's my own journal. As a result this entire process may take up to 15 minutes. In addition to this the whole online-art thing is boring-to me at least.
I am setting up an application to yet another school-i've finalized where I want to go. I am definitely going there unless i hear otherwise from this school. It's also not a private school and it is in Canada so that also means it's very reasonable as compared to $80,000CDN per year. Best of all i already have most of my portfolio set up, i think it would be best if i just did a few more recent paintings/drawings and pick up a night class in figure studies sometime this fall.
Egads, has working in a typical business office environment taken a toll on my personality? Bleh these last few paragraphs seem so forced and practical. I need to socialize more with my friends when September rolls around. That is, friends NOT just from work.

back to paper Sunday, July 25, 2004 10:19 p.m.

This past weekend I went to Indigo Books and took advantage of their sale bins. I purchased 4 journals (3 of which had an Asian bookbinding), some cheap incense, and a tin of vintage self-adhesive labels (stickers). I think I might take to paper journal writing for a while.

oops. Tuesday, July 20, 2004 07:40 p.m.

Had a half shift today at work. I went shopping afterwards, it's tough having exactly $100 in your bank account and trying to find pair of shoes that aren't ugly and overpriced. Also, contradicting my previous entry about not wanting to find sneaker wannabe black dress shoes, i ended up buying a pair of shiny black leather shoes that have a similar motif to that of my green pumas. They still sort of look like geriatric shoes from a distance (good thing) but upon closer inspection they have tiny hole patterns all over the sides. Not exactly what I had in mind, but that hardly ever happens.
They actually had pretty comfortable shoes over in Wal-Mart, but i don't think i was able to actually put the cash forward to buy them. My sister had suggested this to me, and I was all for it - especially if i could find this one style of old man shoes that i really like... However, none of the styles really won me over too much (but they were pretty darned comfortable). I also bought something else-uh oh. And now i currently have $8 in my bank account... That is until this Friday, when i get paid. I also walked into Club Monaco. I almost bought a silk cardigan (it was originally $100 and down to $19). Of course the reason came as soon as I tried it on. Terrible. Back on the rack it went. Although they do have some nice colorful belts there, i might go back and get one.
It's a good thing i put 60-75% of my weekly pay into my savings account and leave myself a meagre portion to pay for the regular expenses and some minor spending.

thcha. Sunday, July 18, 2004 06:31 p.m.

I haven't been prolific in my journal these days. I still have a lot going on riight at this moment but I'm keeping it tightly sealed up for now. It's like holding my breath... For 3-8 months.
Also it's a proven fact, the one sure fire way to get me asleep: reading. This whole weekend all i've been doing is that. After about... half an hour to one I have passed out. Hm, I've also lost weight. Oh and i would like to buy a pair of black dress shoes or dress boots?-ones that don't look like stupid boxy euro/retro/adidas wannabe sneakers either. Naturally those will be impossible to find.

PEACE!: retro recap. Saturday, July 10, 2004 09:07 p.m.

Wednesday I was awarded some appreciation gifts for all the work I did for the social committee. Possibly the best gift from this lousy corporation: a stainless steel cocktail mixer complete with coasters and a classic cocktail recipe book.
This weekend I made pina coladas and a customized daiquiri for myself. Coconut rum is my new favorite mixer adder onner thingamajigger. My sister also tried her hand at making some lime spritzer thing but it turned out to be totally strong and kinda gross because she substituted vodka with strong flavored tequila (huge no no. HELLO!)-she should have used the rumbalumba coconut rum or the regular dark rum we had. I still drank it anyway. My mom was the sponsor for the event, she must have printed out the list i emailed for the ingredients because she bought every single thing on it.
So here's my recipe for the daiquiri I made (i'm going to type it out so that I don't forget it. i know i'll forget something eventually.):
My very special but not too original daiquri
-50ml coconut rum
-a splash of lime juice
-a splash of pineapple juice (a splash = roughly around 50 ml also)
-instant green mint tea mix to taste (it's basically a sweet mint flavor-i find mint goes really well with citrus flavored things, i used this rather than using sugar).
Shake in a mixer vigorously (with about 4-5 ice cubes in the shaker) then pour out into the glass. Empty remaining ice cubes into the cup. The top should be white and frothy.
I'll thank myself later for posting this recipe.
Today my sister and i drove all the way to "Scarberia" (Scarborough) so she could fit her bridesmaid's dress. Afterwards we hit the mall and went straight to H&M. Not a bad store, I was a little rushed because my sister wanted to go get some other stuff, that and she didn't feel like trying on clothes. I walked in the changeroom with 13 items but left with 3. I bought:
-a white boatneck sweater
-a pair of striped khaki green trousers
-and a red shirt with some honeycombed graphics on it (it reminded me a bit of megami tensei so i had to get it.)
I didn't even really look at the price tags which is kind of bad but the damage wasn't too severe. It all cost $85. Definitely not one of my better bargains.
I can't wait for this store to open up in downtown Toronto. It'll be great. It's fairly well priced and the styles are a nice breather from stores the rest of the stores.
I also have pictures that I'll post up later when I'm not feeling so drunk.
On that note, there's a joke going around in the office that i'm an alcoholic. Imagine that.

Tuesday, July 6, 2004 06:38 p.m.

The internet facilitates whining.

Friends, countrymen, lend me your ears: Sunday, July 4, 2004 07:42 p.m.

Homesteads were ripped asunder, families distraught as their native lands were demolished, inhabitants slewn from their roots, and then at the end of the turmoil were reunited under the haven of a lightproof dome.
I finally finished vacuuming every square inch of my room. The good news is, I'm not going bald. Every time I do this I always get so grossed out at all the hair and dust bunnies, it's no wonder that Japanese people incorporate hair in a lot of their traditional horror stories. It's plain out scary and at the same time totally gross.
Yesterday we went to the handy dandy uber-convenient Costco down the street. I can now say we are the proud owners of an ICE CREAM MACHINE!!! Holy hell, I'm going to cool for the rest of my life.

Ca Na Da Da Ae. Thursday, July 1, 2004 10:27 p.m.

Today's Horoscope:
You day may be taken up by a series of commitments that you must fulfill. Even if you feel that your day has become too hectic, you're just going to have to bite the bullet and do what you have already promised. The sense of accomplishment that you will have by the end of the day will be worth the extra running around that you have done. Pace yourself, and don't try to do too much at once.
That couldn't be furthest from the truth for today. Last night I collapsed into bed at 11:30 after attempting to watch a marathon of my recently received dvds. I can't read subtitles after staying awake for 18hrs straight.
I woke up at 8:50, put on my ripped to the maximum jeans. I went downstairs, watched the remaining dvds (almost 3 hours, i had to start over from the beginning because i kept on falling asleep during the film.)
I munched on some leftover perogies (from the company pot luck-long story short: i cooked 4 bags of those things and yeah i never want to make one again.)
At around 12:30 i helped my sister move her stuff back into the house. Things'll be kinda interesting when we both move out to her newly purchased place in August-ish.
Then that was it. Nothing but lounging for the entire day. hahaha. and now the print on my monitor looks too damn small for me. Ever notice if you stare hard enough the font starts to look microscopic? Yeah..

Thems're some pretty strong arms Saturday, June 26, 2004 09:03 a.m.

I traded in my dark brown hair for mahogany red. I know it may sound fobtacular but it isn't. I guess I have to take a picture to document it or something. The girl put highlights on my main crown area (and left most in the back untouched). My mom even liked it. haha I didn't think it was really noticeable. My hair already has a brown shine to it in the sunlight so i didn't think anyone could tell.
Then I looked in the mirror.
The funniest part about going to the salon was sitting underneath one of those beehive contraptions. I held up a magazine and the old lady next to me started talking to me. She told me about how she dyed her hair 5 weeks ago but because she had a baby shower to go to she had to retouch it (she had everything done so it cost $300.)
I forgot how fun it was to have a different hair color.
I also finally crashed last night. I passed out while watching some reruns of anime on my computer. By about... 9:40 i had entered another world.
Speaking of anime, my dvds from amazon.com were finally shipped yesterday. And will arrive next week sometime.

Shotgun Entry: quickly before i forget! Thursday, June 24, 2004 09:47 p.m.

Yesterday we held passport day. Think pavillions representing each continent. I did Asia with another girl. We both thought we didn't have enough items but when we brought our things together we had too much! Which was good. Ours was the noted to be the best pavillion-which made it totally worth the working and coordinating. I brought kimonos for us to wear while we displayed our artifacts/articles.
I'd have to say the best part of that day was actually meeting new people. It's really easy to get caught up in the whole work aspect. I met this African woman who is married to a Japanese man, she was the only one who knew that we weren't really wearing kimonos but in fact Yukatas. Pretty clever, I talked with her for a while. I also met this surfer dude with shoulder length blonde hair that was 'totally into traditional Chinese things' after studying Kung Fu for X amount of years. I also met another man who told me that he lived in Hong Kong for four years way back in '88, so i imagine he was probably in his early teens (i was only 6 at the time).
haha i also had a funny conversation with another Asian lady:
"...Are you Japanese or Chinese?"
"Chinese."
"Oh... You'd make a very pretty Japanese girl!"
"What!?..Thanks!"
On my way home I thought I took my partner's cell phone after I packed away the yutaka she was wearing (my mom's). A phone kept on ringing on the train and sounded very much like it was coming from my gigantic travel bag. I rifled through my bag looking for the culprit and after I couldn't find it i pretended that I was actually looking for my bottled water (i only had a trickle left, unfortunately). It turned out to be the sleeping man who was sitting diagonally from me. Another man got up and called him an 'asshole' and yelled at him to turn his phone off.
Now for today. Things are still a little busy however there are 4 days of DIVERSITY left. My body is pretty exhausted. I can't wait for Friday.

dakishimeta!!!! Monday, June 21, 2004 07:18 p.m.

This past year was like a scab or something. It's just about to be picked off. I swear it seemed so stagnant. I felt like I was in a perpetual quagmire of nothingness...
BUT!!!
Things are picking up and banging like shotguns.
More to come... like in a few months. ha!

the defining moment for our young heroine. Sunday, June 20, 2004 10:19 p.m.

Right now. things are forming a peak. Oh boy, oh boy,oh boy. If things all fall accordingly into place.... POW! Things will be so amazing.
Breathe, just breathe.
(none of these things include work, for that doesn't fall into the greater equation.)

eek look at the time. Sunday, June 20, 2004 02:45 a.m.

My room has four piles of clothing on it. There is another pile of clothing behind me.
What happened to my clean room a few months ago?
Tomorrow we're taking my dad to see HP:3. I know he doesn't really like those books so i'm not sure if it's a good idea to take him-especially seeing how he's never read any of them. Also, 'passport day' is this wednesday and I still have to gather all of my crap for our pavillion: Asia. That's going to suck (the whole day i mean).
"We must become the change we want to see in the world."
This is something I read a little while ago, a quote by Mahatma Ghandi. It's a recurring phrase that has been resurfacing in the sea of complacency that which is my mind.
I don't need a break, this whole term post-graduate has been a twelve month hiatus from myself.

it's jasmine, not pianos. Wednesday, June 16, 2004 10:34 p.m.

I joked to my manager that i wouldn't be around the company forever (i.e. so he won't have someone to tease all the time.)
I don't think he took that too well, he suddenly went serious and asked if i was leaving (i gave him an inconclusive answer.)
I finally booked a haircoloring appointment today. Next friday @ 5:30.
I was told that it will be $85+ (depending on certain criteria). Oh boy. I have never spent so much money, in one sitting, on my hair. "Partial highlights" is what I requested. Basically what I want is to have 2 layers of color. The top layer (the lighter color/highlight) and second layer is my natural haircolor. Hopefully the idea is good and will flow smoothly during the consultation (a coloring consultation is included). I booked the free manicure intended for my oldest sister for my other sister (sister no.1 didn't want it, so no.2 said she would take it).
I've had it with a lot of the idiots at work.

later that day... (cont'd). Sunday, June 13, 2004 07:35 p.m.

Some good ol' fashioned excercise proved to work out the sunday afternoon groggies.
This Sunday, Sunday ...SUNDAY is my mom's birthday and father's day. As of yet, there is no real gameplan other than taking my mom to see Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. I have no clue what we plan on doing with my dad seeing how this day has a conflict of interest. This Friday/Saturday i sense that i'll be doing some long and late hours in the studio working on something. Especially after being turned off video games-long term.
I don't know how i used to play video games hours on end as a teenager. These days I can't really play videogames as intensely or as carefully as I could when i was 14. I often find myself getting bored the second time through and often not bothering with the consecutive completions let alone the 100 side quests that i managed to skip over in my first hasty venture.
Which brings me to my next question? Just what DO i do these days? I wake up, leave for work, work, trek home, excercise, eat dinner, blank, blank, blank and then go to sleep-Internet wise I check about three sites about 5 or 6 times in the evening (of those three is my email) and the rest of the evening i'm breathing air and doing nothing? (i have no idea what I do with those few hours, hence the blanks.)
I need to fill those in. Maybe I just do things slowly.

Sunday, June 13, 2004 05:55 p.m.

I feel sick. I just spent the entire sunday afternoon playing videogames. These things are such a waste of time.

descriminate this: Sunday, June 13, 2004 01:10 a.m.

I meant to write about this earlier, it all happened last thursday...
At our bi-weekly team huddle I did the usual reading of the minutes to the department (the manager volunteers me at every meeting because he has another one for the evening shift and there aren't any 'volunteers').
So afterwards, I was allowed a few minutes to talk about the social events for the month. Actually I was pretty tired, it was the other girl in my department who wanted to do the announcements (i joked about retiring from the committee). She read the list out, and then approached my events and handed me the floor. I talked about the photography competition as it doesn't seem to be well known.
"Okay, it's been brought to my attention that some people were asking if they could submit someone else's photo or a picture from a magazine for the contest. Of course this isn't acceptable. Obviously they've never been to school otherwise they'd have known this..."
laughter ensues
"I mean, really for an academic paper do you submit someone else's work and call it your own? Of course not, so why would this be any different?..."
Then this short goat hag sitting in the front named Camille (also the only one not laughing) starts to get her usual tone of self-righteousness at me:
"Yeah but I don't think you should be descriminating against people who have never been to school."
Now I think it was my combined exhaustion with the committee work, my physical self and the topping irritation with this miserable old woman that made me want to snap her in two with my foot. I also wanted to get out of this boring meeting as quickly as possible.
"THAT'S NOT MY POINT. ANYWAY...About the photography competition...." (i seem to remember closing my eyes and putting my hand to my forehead at the beginning of my sentence in an exhasperated fashion-someone later told me that i flicked my bangs at her or something).
I hadn't the foggiest clue that everyone in the department had been laughing, including the manager who was trying to avoid contact with "big C". Camille is the department tattletale. She also makes it her business to tell others that they're doing something wrong- i.e. She tells the management. She jumps at opportunities to tell on others and to point the blame. I want to set her hair on fire.
I also suddenly became a hero for telling her off and shutting her up-something nobody in the entire department has done.
After the meeting, work resumed. I sat at my desk, Vanessa, one of the seniors came by asking me about the events planned ahead. We were discussing them and then my manager came by and joined in. Camille walks by, passes my desk and then stops.
"Bob, I want to talk to you."
"Okay but can it wait? I'm in the middle of a conversation."
"No, I want to talk to you now."
Vanessa and I exchange looks: Oh brother, here we go.
"Wait! I'm talking right now."
"No. Now!"
"Okay, give me two minutes!"
He turned back and I told him
"You know, she's probably going to complain about what happened. Watch."
"I know. I saw everything that happened and I will back you up 100%" (he was sitting at the front of the conference room.)
I went on saying how i didn't care if she tried to pull all the stops to get me into trouble because it's evident that she can't lay one finger on me and if she does she won't get it back.
Shortly after I resumed working one of my friends came up and gave me a 'heads up'. Sure enough, the goat was complaining about me. Saying that I was very 'offensive' and 'rude'. Okay so obviously she's redundant as are most of the people in the company-they don't seem to realize that using different adjectives with the same meaning in one sentence is pointless.
I also didn't get a lecture from my manager so he probably blew her off. Another girl who gave her two weeks notice emailed me encouraging me to 'keep up the good work' and 'crush that miserable old woman into the ground'.
Okay so I won't go out of my way to do that, obviously. However, if she tries to get in my face, I will not hesitate to whipsnap her head off like a black cobra- in the most cleancut way. I won't name call or anything immature-just go straight for the jugular. Cold, direct and civil.
Phew, now that's finished... My oldest sister took my hair wax and also successfully managed to lose it. She protests that she took it but I know she swiped it-it's mysteriously missing from my bathroom basket. I think she mistook it for hers and packed it with hers (she did a double pack) and lost it. She claims it's here but I refuse to believe it as i've looked in the only places she could have deposited the bag. Surprisingly I was pretty livid when I discovered that it was missing. I think it was also because I was pretty angry with what's she's been saying lately. Also my hair was too long to really use wax before i got my hair cut.
Today I purchased some other hair modelling product and some neat cotton yarns for crocheting. I want to crochet an orange tie. However, i still want her to find or replace my hair wax-that stuff isn't exactly cheap.

fuck and run Wednesday, June 9, 2004 10:03 p.m.

Buying stuff is escapism for me. I bought a t-shirt and a pair of sandals. I bought the sandals for a bunch of reasons. We're in a heat wave, i don't have a pair of nicer sandals, and there are gnomes that take my socks. The t-shirt? well... it has black capital lettering on it and my sister and i were waiting for my other sister to finish up her haircut (yes another one).
The sandals sorta look japanese. They're making so many of these slide type sandals which really don't jive with me too well. I guess these are considered 'flip flops'.
But yeah, back to the first statement, i always seem to forget my personal problems when i buy stuff. I really noticed that today when I felt slightly lifted... then only to remember the constant issues on my mind.
I also came to my desk to work only to find out my manager spotted me wearing the exact same things as him. I even got immortalized in a photo. He loved it, I tried to hide. He even emailed me to let him know what i'd be wearing tomorrow (naturally he's joking?). I told him something off-white/white because of the intense heat.

bah Sunday, June 6, 2004 05:12 p.m.

I love getting my hair cut. I didn't get anything extreme done. I'm set in my style, i think it's always going to look like this. Yeemi (i thought it was 'Yumi') was fantastic. She's a Chinese emo/rocker girl with semi naturally wavy hair styled into a mohawk. I think my sister really enjoyed my former stylist. They're a pretty good combo. My other sister had a bad experience and let's just say the entire day ended up being about her and the whole thing is just one big red swollen mess that i'd rather avoid (oh boy. ugh.).
I think either this week or next week i'll arrange a color appointment (first i have to look up some styles/colors that I like.). It'll probably cost the usual standard, $50-$80. Yeemi said that she'd be able to do something really funky the next time i get my hair cut with the streaks. Pretty exciting. Well for me it is.
Also, soon June will be done, i'll have registered for classes, and free as a bird!
With a ton of money in my bank account too. hahaha.

I am the king of Burger King!!! Sunday, June 6, 2004 01:53 a.m.

Well that was unexpectedly amusing. I went out for thai food with my friends. I was secretly hoping they'd forget about this little get together but they didn't.
After somewhat of a stilted conversation at dinner and playing musical chairs, we went to my friend's place after the restaurant, intending to do some pre-drinking. I said that I had plenty of unopened alcohol from my christmas party. Ryan, my friend's boyfriend volunteered to drive to my house. His car is sickly upgraded and is practically a racing car-we later found out that another friend was offering him some illegal hookup with a nitrous oxide engine or something-making it unecessarily faster. Upon departing my house (after obtaining the hooch) we ran into my mom (who was gardening at 9:30pm, he made sure to point out how weird that was to me later), I chatted with her briefly and said 'bye' as we went into the car. He proposed to floor the gas while my mom was there. I told him her garden claw would go flailing in the air if he did that. He had the courtesy to drive away first and then floor it. I literally flung backwards into the seat as he went from 10-60 in five seconds-at least it felt that fast. I don't know what or if my mom noticed that. i'll ask her tomorrow, if i remember.
I also became acquainted with another person from highschool. I never thought I'd end up hanging out with this person but she was pretty loud and outspoken so we got along fairly well. Mind you initially i was a tad on the sharp side with her. She also coronated me as a 'diva'.
After the drinking games, we hit Hess village. A little 'party town' in Hamilton. Kinda boring, but after the smoke and after the dancing we lounged a bit out on the patio. I've declared myself a featherweight in drinking. Which is both economical and entertaining. Much later we went to the fast food plaza down the street from my house. There was almost a mini highschool reunion. I 'jested' about walking straight to my house for not wanting to be there. I also had the pleasant experience of making someone laugh so hard they spat fry particles on my face. I was honored really. The guy thought i was that funny. DUDE.
Sometime in the fast food restaurant someone put the paper crown on my head but of course it didn't fit and i gave it to 'dude where's my car?' (Ryan).
"hi i am the king of burger king. I work overtime." I believe that is what he said. I told him he should apply for a job (they were hiring) and i can't remember much after that. All i remember saying was 'thanks for the spittle, seriously.'
Now I have mass to attend at 9 tomorrow morning, lunch afterwards, house visiting, a hair appointment and then shopping afterwards. oh happy day.

too much hair for one night. Saturday, June 5, 2004 08:11 a.m.

I had a nightmare that i had somehow cut my own hair this weekend before my appointment. I had cut it so badly that i had only left about a few inches for the stylists to work with. Guh. good thing i woke up.
Later this morning I'm going house hunting with my sister.
In the meantime, my dog is comatose on my bed.

Ride the Auto-Bahn. Friday, June 4, 2004 10:06 p.m.

I wore a black 'easy suit' today. and by easy suit i have no idea what that means in the slightest. Basically it was my black blazer that I bought from the Hadassah Bazaar from ages past, my everyday easy black dress pants, white Rockports, white golf shirt and the blue Kraftwerk concert t-shirt. I figured i didn't well, it's me. I don't need to explain my appearance at this stage.
I even matched my bag. haha. not too hard, i had a black shoulder bag that I abandoned after I found a more comfortable one.
After work I had a retirement party to attend, hence the black attire (Fridays are casual dress day..).
Fr. C�t�'s retirement party was pretty nice. This man has the same birthday as me as well as the same affinity for Charles M. Schultz's work. Ah it was all very nice. I particularly liked seeing the stereotypical characters of a congregation. I admit my family may fall into some of that stereotype with my mother being the parish organist for twenty some odd years.
The lead lady from the CWL (Catholic Women's League) came to our table and chatted briefly. Poised neatly and standing quite slim she wore an angular canary yellow jacket/skirt set, gold earrings, her hair dyed blonde with roots in a very symmetrical short cut hairstyle, and her skin slightly tanned. I am somewhat disgusted and mesmerized at her appearance/mentality. To me she seems a bit brainwashed but all the same, i think i'd enjoy painting her portrait. Facewise there's nothing really worth mentioning, it was just that whole distinct persona that attracts me.
(my second sister, my mom and i are all opposed to those silly gender committees in the church for creating 'gender roles' and other apparent reasons.)
I also met the first carbophobic priest at my table, recently converted to anti-carbist i suppose. Just another loser with a yo-yo weight problem. He had a friend who was so fat, she couldn't reach an arm's length in front of her to reach the butter.
After the party we hit the local bookstore. My sister and I bought some hair magazines. I bought two British ones (they came to $16 total-yikes). I'm going to look through them and see if i can sport any of them. Also these should be good for future references.
I'm still clueless as to what exactly I'm getting. I'll probably get the 'elfin cut' or whatever it's called, basically some chops here and there. I think I might want to get some color in my hair.. i've never really had my hair streaked before, unless you count the time i used to dye my hair with household hairdye.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()() Thursday, June 3, 2004 07:13 p.m.

EVERYBODY WAS SURFING!!! SURFING U-S-A!!!

woo-hoo! Monday, May 31, 2004 07:03 p.m.

My posters were a hit!! I was pretty worried that people would think that they were too weird or tacky or not traditional enough (although i thought these reminded me of political campaign posters which are pretty cool). Off to the printers tonight, and tomorrow we'll post them.
Here's a small preview of what they looked like:

I'm sure my design teacher and hardcore design people would probably think this to be fairly mediocre. ah well, graphic design was never really my strongest point. I always tend to have a very practical sensibility and i rarely drift outside that, I try to sometimes. Although the three years of design classes helped, I still remembered how to use Illustrator fairly well.
I only have a few minor committee stuff to do now. Like help out with the other events but nothing major. I wrote and revised the photography competition regulations/guidelines, purchased the prizes, and now all we do is wait. The decorating challenge has already been spread out, and no prizes are required to be purchased (we just hand out cheques). ah. I can breathe a sigh of relief, and go to bed early tonight.
And on my way home, I witnessed a robin pulling a worm out of the ground. For the first time in 22 years I have never seen such a thing. It was really just like a cartoon.

my hair is clumping. Monday, May 31, 2004 01:20 a.m.

well I finally finished those posters. I ended up doing 4 versions of the same one.
If something screws up or they don't like them, fuck it. I don't care anymore. I'll print off a huge poster in microsoft word, using times new roman as my font, and i'll make the font size 9, just to make everyone squint at the them.
I really hope those stupid pdf files are readable at work. bleh. i'm going to be so tired on 3.5 hours of sleep today. Maybe i'll skip lunch and sleep at my desk.

Hair appointment: for 3. Friday, May 28, 2004 07:34 p.m.

Oh what a world.
June 6th 2004.
Me & Yumi: a japanese girl with a mohawk.
Sister B & Jen: my previous hairstylist of choice.
Sister A & Nancy: 'a really good stylist'. (that's what the lady said on the phone when i told her i didn't want just anyone cutting my hair.)
AH! After 10,000 years I'm free. IT'S TIME TO CONQUER.... EARTH!

Los Viva Vivaldi. Wednesday, May 26, 2004 10:42 p.m.

I'm going to start playing my violin again. I think it's about time. It's pretty close to 5 years now since I stopped.
Oh boy, i'll have to start from my etudes again. ah.
It will be quite some time before I can play Vivaldi or Camille Saint-Sa�ns again.

The shearing of yellow rapunzels. Wednesday, May 26, 2004 09:53 p.m.

I've instigated a trip to the salon with the sibs. I'm getting pretty sick of my hair and I want to change my part. As in...lose the side part and the whole bob do-wop. It will be 3 months since my last cut by the end of this month.
Also I think it'd be cool if we all got different hairstyles, we've had the same ones for a few years now and we haven't done anything really radical as of late. I mean the last time one of us did something weird with our hair was...not including the time i cut my own hair, was probably in the 80s when my sister had half wavy and half straight hair (i.e. one side was wavy and the other side was straight. it wasn't intentional, her hair used to curl on its own during her teenaged years.)
I dug up a cd that I bought last year in my 'summer of discontent' period. Ella Fitzgerald, now I know she's always been a cool one. But this time this cd is really great. It's some cd that was made in Germany but has Japanese writing on it, and it's white, silver and shades of grey. It has so many great tracks on it, I also have this double cd by Louis Armstrong and another double one by Nina Simone (i remember that one not being quite as good as the other two.). I even have this other blues cd that I never even opened, it's still sealed in the original plastic wrap.
Ah i love rediscovering/discovering music. It almost makes me forget that I have to design posters.... OOPS. not tonight I guess.

Andre Agassi has his own box of wheaties. Wednesday, May 26, 2004 05:40 a.m.

I want to collect cereal box faces, the ones with faces on them.

confessions of a somethingoholic. Monday, May 24, 2004 08:37 p.m.

If it's possible to have a hangover from having pasta. i believe i have achieved it. buh.
agh. the long weekend is over.

sepia toned weekends. Monday, May 24, 2004 06:25 p.m.

These last few weekends remind me of some story you hear from old people. How they have nothing better to do and that their time was always spent going to the movies for a nickel.
Except instead of a nickel try 10 or 12 bucks.
I saw Van Hellsing today. Pretty, stupid and both.
Tomorrow I have work. And later this week I'm expecting my packages to arrive. yahoo.

ok.. Sunday, May 23, 2004 10:42 p.m.

I just took my dogs out. that was really bad. they were smart enough to just do their 'thing' as soon as we stepped out. I saw at least 5 bolts of lightning in my 1 minute duration outside, not to mention the intensity of the rain was enough to drench my hair completely. I shut off all the lights so that when I sleep tonight I can watch the lightning flashes.

happy summer weddingu and long weekendu. Sunday, May 23, 2004 10:17 p.m.

Today was pretty good. It's even better that tomorrow is a holiday.
I went out for lunch with my dad, then we saw Troy (it was okay, epic battle type movies aren't really my thing).
I worked out until I collapsed.
I ate octopus and pork meatballs with these buckwheat korean noodles (well they were grey in color).
After dinner I made margaritas. My sister had a few while I had the rest of the pitcher (4 or 5 in total). I'm kinda buzzed right now. My tolerance for the 'ol firewater is pretty weak. but who cares?
The entire time it has been thunderin' and lightnin' and a rainin' and being all apocalyptic. I am totally ready for bed. I love sleeping during a storm. Especially after clocking back 5 margaritas. But first i must walk my two dogs.
It also wasn't such a bad thing that I cancelled my BBQ get together.

ghetto fabulous Thursday, May 20, 2004 10:48 p.m.

I want a pair of crucifix earrings.

LISTEN MESHUGGAH, Wednesday, May 19, 2004 09:43 p.m.

whew! Okay. Nothing like working out late at night to get you ready for BEDTIME.
I've been doing this whole social committee thing for the last few weeks. Don't ask me why I'd decide to do such a thing given the fact that I want to sever my links to EDU-LINX asap.
I'm also in charge/assisting with several events. Again, do not ask me why.
What I do know is, that homosexual, the one that declared himself 'very fashion forward' is on the committee and volunteered himself to be my partner for one of the events. I've also nicknamed him the Astral Faggot. Which is because he is about as thoughtless and full of air as a ping pong ball. I wasn't so annoyed at him until today.
Okay so we have to organize a month of activities according to the theme 'diversity'. Pretty open theme. One of the activities I'm organizing is a decorating contest. Now how do you set the theme to 'diversity' and have something coherent to judge?
I thought of the idea of having an 'around the world' theme. Each department would pick one country and try to recreate that culture via decorating their office spaces and what not. The more extensive the research into the country, the more authentic the decorations and overall effect. It would require a sign up sheet (to prevent doublling) and it would force people into learning about foreign lands and lifestyles. I mentioned it to a few of my coworkers and they all liked the idea. Much better than the previous year. It still holds to the diversity idea, but it adds a little more structure to the theme, thereby making things a little easier.
However, during my dissertation, Ryan interrupted me multiple occaisions. Often trying to look insightful but just being the devil's advocate more than anything.
After I was finally able to finish the entire explanation of the event (they stopped me after i said the rules, i wasn't even able to get to the actual activity)
AF:"what if i don't WANT to learn about another country like....ITALY? But everyone on the team does?! I don't like that idea..."
Me:"Well, the theme IS diversity. I thought the idea about diversity month is learning about new cultures." (yes i said this exact wording).
They had nothing to counter that point.
The head chairperson did like my idea, but she did mention it wouldn't be wise having people being upset about doing a country they didn't want to do. I still think the argument was weak at best. The product of a narrow minded fool.
So now, the other girl and I have to think of another solution to theme of the decorating competition (or we just might keep the original idea and tell ryan to go shave his legs.)
His flamboyant nature and 'talk before i think' mentality is just such a bad combination.
I remember a few weeks ago he was arguing that some other events (a luncheon with a lesson. e.g.learning how to make a bracelet) were too feminine and that he would get offended if they were all 'girly' activities. Yes, he did have a valid point. But WHO is he kidding. I know he wants to learn how to wear a sari. Seriously. I mean the guy was wearing black leather slides at the meeting today.
AF:UMMM AS A MALE IT WILL OFFEND ME IF ALL OF THESE ACTIVITIES ARE FEMININE ACTIVITIES.
point: of course he doesn't have anything to add to the 'male' activities.
what I wish I had said:
Me: Okay Sarah Jessica, sit down. You so fucking want to learn how to wear a sari you can't even keep your panties out of that knot. You are not fooling anyone you penis bearing wannabe.
Ah. Well. I still have to shop for prizes with this loser. Hopefully I'll be able to bear through the rest of this month and the next. Or better yet register for those autocad classes, perhaps with a friend of mine!

Oh we oh we all oh. Tuesday, May 18, 2004 09:33 p.m.

As much as I'd like to say I have huge plans for the long weekend, I don't.
I planned an impromptu barbecue for this Sunday. I gave a very late deadline (saturday). expect nothing and prepare for anything.

take a catnap... Saturday, May 15, 2004 05:06 p.m.

Damnit, yesterday I went shopping.
I also saw Hellboy last night (for free). I wasn't surprised. Not nearly as bad as DareDevil. I'd see it again if I was at someone's house.
All the while during the movie I kept on thinking about crocheting a yellow mesh scarf.

hot hot heat. Thursday, May 13, 2004 09:55 p.m.

Holy shit. I forgot summer is another FIVE weeks away or something.
It was 30 degrees today with humidity. I'm only outside in the direct sunlight for about ten to fifteen minutes and every time I come home I always can tell my skin has gone a tone darker. This will make up for last year when i purposely wanted to avoid melanoma by staying inside and covering up. It's inevitable. I am going to be so dark this summer.
The trains were bungled today. This is the third malfunction on the tracks, although this time there was a chemical spill so it wasn't really their fault. This time they actually took some responsibility and sent for buses. Much unlike last week, they cancelled my train twice for no reason on my way TO work. Before they announced the arrival of the buses I was a bit panicked because my phone was running out of batteries and I didn't have my sister's phone number. However, I ended up getting home, overheated and about half an hour later than usual. So everything worked out comme toujours.
Oh and my mom is now on a flight on her way to Spain. She's going on a business trip to Pamplona and Santiago. So she'll be in meetings with other pathologists or something. Whatever, I almost wish I was there. Except I know if I were, all I'd be doing would be visiting churches. Ugh, that woman has a church obsession. She'll be gone for about 12 days. This time the dogs are here, so I won't be completely home alone (AAAH!).
I am so disappointed with clothing. I know that's really funny coming from me and all. But seriously I am totally disappointed with big retail stores. I hate the direction of everything.
Maybe I shouldn't go into fashion design. I get so disappointed with everything and everyone. Maybe i'm just feeling hot and bothered. I've been walking around in tank tops and very minimal clothing trying to fend off the heat. Maybe I'm just annoyed at my current stage in life. It sucks I have so much unaccomplished and I have myself to blame! Maybe I just hate my job. They're mostly idiots and crybabies! Maybe I cringe at the fact that people like Hilary Duff and the Olsen Twins make billions while billions suffer. HOW do they sleep at night? I'll tell you, VERY COMFORTABLY.
Maybe I JUST NEED A HAIRCUT. It has seriously grown something like 3 or 4 inches since my last cut. Agh and i just checked my journal entry, I got my lame bob haircut back on March 1st. I can't believe it's grown so much. Ugh, it's already starting to look flat in the back. agh. agh. agh.
I also still feel like i'm being burned alive by the sun. Even though it's almost 10pm and the sun has set hours ago. I need to take a shower.

oh yeah Tuesday, May 11, 2004 09:34 p.m.

I forgot my lunch at work today. I guess because I was so tired at my desk I forgot to eat it. It's still in the office fridge. Still unappetizing as ever now that I think about it. Well at least I don't have to pack anything tonight. If anyone ate it last tonight I hope they got food poisoning. It seriously looked disgusting to me the other evening when i made it. Which is unusual considering I usually make pretty nice meals for work.

nothing comes between me and my pumas Tuesday, May 11, 2004 08:51 p.m.

I was born to sprint. I may not have an incredibly athletic build (yet), but baby I can run like the wind. I've caught trains and buses within seconds of them leaving. I bound over 50-150 metres dashes in minutes (haha).
Imitation is the highest form of flattery, was probably the popular rationalization/mantra of a wannabe. There's this certain individual whom i've noticed over a span of time that's been imitating me in so many ways (For starters, they've recently started to use the same or VERY similar catch phrases for their openings.). I'm just glad this said individual can't imitate my appearance or let alone come within a league of my wit or my sentence structure! Hahaha. (i don't care if i sound arrogant at this point.). Verbose? Whatever.
My reputation for shopping precedes me. Then again I do write about buying things often, so maybe it doesn't. I was emailing one of my friends while I was at work and he said that he needed to borrow me for an afternoon so i could lend him my powers of retail purchasing on shoestring budgets while getting optimum style factor. It'd be fun to go downtown just to goof off one afternoon.
I should mention that he reads my journal weekly. So he knows I can go overboard with the store hopping.
I'll look forward to planning this event in the near future as I have never shopped with this friend. When it comes to shopping, I'm at my best when I'm solo. I'm a lone wolf in that respect. But I make exceptions all the time. I'm rigid like something and at the same time I'm supple like the other thing. haha.
I also proposed to do oil portraits for certain chosen friends. I think it'd be a cool thing. (I'd do it for free-i'm pretty sure at least.).

An Affair Most Wicked: a Shmarlequin Shmomance. Monday, May 10, 2004 09:27 p.m.

Anyone who wore a leather jacket today deserved the severe reprecussions. Anyone who continues to wear one this entire week deserves to be broiled alive.
This entire week is an abnormal heat wave. Southern Ontario weather is asinine. It jumps only from extremes. We had cold snaps of -40 degrees Celcius to mid to low teen positive weather and then suddenly twice that amount plus humidity.
I researched specific computer aided design training courses today. Currently I feel severely underqualified for even the most basic of the classes. Hopefully there's a little room for me to get squeezed in for those courses.

Yellow Argyle, acid green and smokey grey. Saturday, May 8, 2004 07:20 p.m.

I'm going to post some old childhood photos in a similar vein afriend of mine has done. (ho ho those were great!)
Now if only I had a scanner...

head genie, you'd better cough up the wishes. Thursday, May 6, 2004 11:08 p.m.

I hit my head against the ceiling of the train for the second time. Both times involved me getting out of my seat from underneath an inclining wall. The first time, a few weeks ago, I was sitting behind the fire extinguisher wall, I hit my head against the edge of the emergency glass. The second time (today) I hit my head against the incline above the window. Both times I felt the ceiling give in, as if I had pushed back a panel of plastic. And both times I made a funny expression followed by an 'ooh' noise. ugh. While the pain was either minor or non-existant, the embarassment was seething. Today especially more than the first time. I had a special audience today.
All I know is that something good better happen if I do it again for the 3rd time.
I also told off, well not really told off, a lady at my work. This woman, always does the following: drops a bomb on us and then says that her 'sources' let her in on the secret and then when we ask her for more information she smiles and says 'i can't say' in a very self satisfied manner. She's done this at least three other times. And two of the times we weren't even at work, we were at a restaurant. She pulled that same line and smile routine and I wanted to throw my bowl of boiling broth in her mole-ridden and most likely malignant face.
So today I finally asked her flatly:
"Why do you always do that? You start up something, and when we ask you to explain you just say 'i can't say' You shouldn't just leave *Harry high and dry like that. that's not right".
*She was pulling the usual stunt with one of the other analysts and i was sitting beside them at the time doing my work.
She then proceeded in a less than weak attempt to chew me out but i continued to dismiss her hollow justifications. She said things like how 'it didn't involve you', and then i clearly said to her that by making us aware of it (because these things usually apply to us as well), it thereby involves us.
My guess is that she feels somehow superior with some 'source' of information (whom we have all figured out the identity seeing how this lady has no friends on the floor except for this really bitchy and also whiny woman). I mean this woman, Loriana, is an expendable temp worker like myself. However unlike myself, she takes her job and position way too seriously and seems to place herself mentality at the managerial level (i.e. she's bossy and condescending). She also is the type that thinks that if she uses a big word or a phrase that nobody will catch on if she's using it incorrectly. Big mistake motherfucker-i've counted 3 times so far. She seems to forget that she's an overglorified monkey typer whose job doesn't actually require any type of analytical thinking whatsoever. It's evident that she has a massive inferiority complex.
Tomorrow we're supposed to go out for lunch but I think she's pretty hesitant because I'm coming. I'm the only one there who doesn't put up with or encourage her incessant whining. Harry, jokingly said that he's going to try and egg on a fight. I told him I wouldn't be stupid enough to take the bait but I know she would.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (cont'd) Tuesday, May 4, 2004 06:28 p.m.

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (EXACTLY!)
It's coincidental that I was going to write about how annoyed I am at the whole 'anti-carb' craze that's branding the post millenium years. I swear i thought i saw a low-carb toothpaste ad or something on tv a few days ago-or something equally asinine. And then I get this little gift in my email that articulates just about everything.

WHY? Monday, May 3, 2004 09:16 p.m.

If you're going to carry a backpack, don't carry a purse at the same time.
Similarly if you're going to carry a purse don't bring another one! agh! Get one that fits everything and keep it to *ONE storage unit.
Even worse, if you wear a black leather jacket, black pants and black shoes... don't, for the love of my fists not hitting your face, carry some awful 'creme' colored purse. AGH.
*In some rare cases it's okay if you're holding some plastic or paper bags to hold other things while you carry a main bag. but most of the times i think it's pure stupidity. especially when you see someone carrying a really tiny purse and then a gigantic bag to hold the real items. it's counter productive and it defeats the purpose of using the small bag.
I am going to be in a world of sore muscles tomorrow when I wake up. I just know it. Day 3 is officially over. Phase 2 is PHUN.

Cracked the crochet code. Saturday, May 1, 2004 08:18 p.m.

I made an attractive yellow, white and blue yarmulke* today-which i made sure to model on my unsuspecting dog. Well it's not finished, I stopped after it reached the size of a compact disc. i doubt that i'll finish it off anytime soon. I just wanted to experiment with increasing and decreasing in circular crocheting. In my case I'll have to start decreasing when it gets really big. At least 2-3 times that size.
Oh baby, it takes no time at all to make one of these! I think these'll be the new scarves-the nice thing about them too is that depending on the yarn I use, they can be worn all year round. Another reason why they could be good: If I make one that looks kinda dressy(i.e. dark), i can come to work with one on and not have to bother with styling my hair (hahaha!).
*Note: i called it a yarmulke only because I didn't finish it completely. Had I continued, it could have been a full close fitting hat, but I was also running out of yarn.

no more wacom! Saturday, May 1, 2004 01:51 a.m.

It's official, not only do I feel like my drawing skills have decreased, in practice they have. I've disconnected my drawing tablet and removing all drawing program shortcuts from my computer. I'm not going to stop even after that ream of paper is full and complete.
This is me, signing off.

weeee weeee weee weeeeeeeeeeee... Wednesday, April 28, 2004 09:12 p.m.

Okay i'm a little pissed that my dvd burner doesn't recognize the new blank dvds I purchased a few weeks ago. Even more pissed am i about not keeping the receipt. I'm sure my dad or someone else can use these. I just want to get blank dvds that work and that'll enable me to get rid of all of the anime/music off my computer. I have future endeavors to reformat my mac.
I tried my hand at crocheting today. I still stick to my original claim: it is way harder than knitting. there are so many deviations of crocheting that it's all too much to take in at once.
Still, there's great potential for fun in the single needled craft.
"things go faster as a single crochet stitch is three times longer than a knit one..."
Was the most enticing fact i read in the 'how to crochet' magazine i found lying in my room.
I also gave my dogs a bath today, what was left in the bathtub was something out of Silent Hill.

guess who doesn't have to work tomorrow??? Monday, April 26, 2004 11:17 p.m.

The english language is full of redundant phrases or maybe it's just redundant individuals. Take for example the phrase "I personally don't like carrots." Whenever someone writes those two words (i.e. 'I' and 'personally') I just want to take a red pen and cross out the blaring repetition. Although sometimes I can see it being alright to use. Take for example when it's used in contrast to a researched opinion. Then you're offering a personal opinion versus one that is based off of an academic one. But most of the time people just use 'personally' as a filler, just like 'basically' and 'virtually'. Fillers add to the illusion that someone has a point or knows what they're talking about. I remember I had a science teacher who always began every single sentence with 'virtually' and by the end of the year i actually wanted to destroy him.
Or take for another example the ever so popular "I" and "myself".
e.g.: "Ugh. I could never stand NERFHURTERS myself..."
I think I'm the only one who sees the pointlessness in adding the 'myself' at the end. (i mean put aside the fact I never asked for this person's opinion in the first place...)
Maybe it's just my French immersion grammar lessons or perhaps my english writing class that conditioned me to dislike these things-both spoken and written.
All I know is I don't have to work tomorrow and the day after. So I'm liking my two days off.

FUGU Sunday, April 25, 2004 09:26 p.m.

Yesterday I find it hard to believe that I ever had the craving for Japanese food. Sashimi to be exact.
Today that craving was silenced and then overkilled with wasabi and soya.
My sister and I met up with our cousins, aunts and uncles. Exchanged many stories and laughter and at the same time eating vast amounts of sliced fish, rolls, seaweed, and wasabi. It was an all you can eat place except the catch was, you get penalized for leaving any leftovers (to prevent the wasting of food. smart eh?).
I said that it was like being in one of those extreme game shows in Japan. "Eat everything on your plates otherwise we'll cut your ears off."
My cousins couldn't believe how much wasabi I had. Or the fact that I really like it. They gave us a golfball sized dollop of the acid green horseradish paste. I took about a third of the entire piece. I'd put it on the side of my soya sauce dish. Then I'd evenly distribute only portions of wasabi into the sauce.
Ugh. And now we're all nursing pregnant bellies.

AH BAY SAY DAY VEETAMIN! Saturday, April 24, 2004 10:53 p.m.

Kraftwerk was AMAZING.
To say the crowd ranged in age groups is an understatement. I remember asking my to be brother-in-law
"Angus...are those guys? No way.. no fucking way..."
"Yeah, don't ask."
The line moved relatively fast, less than 20 minutes. On my way inside the theatre I ran into one of my friends. According to her she had told me she was going to this but I was all "whatever". She got floor seats for her birthday present. We upgraded our seats during the concert via the backrow. We migrated three times and finally settled somewhere to the side, not quite at the periphery but not at the middle.
When they finally came (the show started about 30 mins into the designated start time) the lights flashed red on the curtains and silhouettes of these four figures at their stations (i.e. keyboards) appeared. Slowly the curtains dragged from the centre outwards. The sound was so incredible. My throat vibrated on it's own. I felt almost like my vocal chords were vibrating on their own to the point where all i had to do was open my mouth and unconscious and involuntary words would come out.
Kraftwerk wore these dark grey suits with red shirts, and would change or modify their costumes on occaision. One instance they put red flashing lights on their necks. For another song (i forgot the name, but it wasn't Showroom Dummies) they switched their bodies with robots! Coolest yet was their grand finale, they wore these phosphorescent grids of sorts over their bodies. It was probably to mimic their video for the song Music Non-Stop. They parted one by one and then the lead guy aka Atom Heart said 'goodbye' and went off the stage.
The only song I knew was the last song, I remember seeing the video and hearing the song when I was in my single digits. I liked almost all of the songs played that night. The Tour de France song had a really cool background video. I purchased a blue Kraftwerk t-shirt for the song Autobahn. I sorta wanted the white one with them as the grid models but, they only had the largest sizes left and also I didn't want to pay $30 for a white t-shirt.
There was a group of people smoking gigantic joints of marijuana a few rows ahead of us. I think the second hand smoke kind of added to my current exhaustion at the more drawn out parts I slightly dozed off.
The next day we went to this unbelievably good and reminiscent of San Francisco bohemian artsy fartsy eatery called Easy. I had a Huevos Divociados or something. Basically eggs with lots of mysteriously savoury and exotic breakfast trimmings (black beans, homefries, salad, a fajita, guacamole, salsa, ancho jam, mysterious green vegetable paste with lots of seeds and topped with three toasted slices of baguettes). I'm convinced the green seeded substance was eggplant but my sister and her fiance said it was a type of chili pepper. However it was delicious all the same.
The next stop was the shopping (what I'd been waiting for all week).
Mission: FAILED!
Turns out this time around it wasn't as abundant in leather goods as it had in the past. I'm slightly annoyed that I hadn't gone back to the other thrift store to pick up the grey cords and mustard green cardigan I found and hid in the back of the store. We just sort of rushed out of the Buy the Pound and took the cable car back to the subway station. I didn't leave empty handed. I ended up with:
-a canary yellow argyle sweater (yeah i know. pretty emo).
-an off white sweater that looks like an afghan on the front. It has a wave pattern knitted with lots of lacey holes. so i need to wear a matching shirt underneath.
-a pair of capri jeans, which I bought for my other sister. I looked for a pair for myself but I didn't see anything I liked. I sorta want to get a pair of lighter blue jeans like the pair of capris I bought. No luck.
Grand total: $5.50. hahaha I really have to go there some other time it is definitely worth a trip. However there are some definite weirdos there. People with gasmasks and circle the barrels of clothes like vultures to carrion.
I also blew up at some horrid woman in the store. Hahaha that felt so vindicating. She was carrying a baby but that still didn't hinder my initial reactions. Looking back i'm proud that I didn't let her rude behavior go unchallenged and allowed her to walk over me, literally.
She basically told me to move, and when i tried to pass her by squeezing past her she said
"No. You can't go that way."
(at this point i looked at Angus who was standing behind her and looking at me with a 'what the hell is her problem?!' face.)
She wouldn't even let me pass, fucking biatch.
So i told her:
"You know, YOU could move BACK too, BITCH."
She walked off, I guess she wasn't expecting the quiet looking Asian to have a sharp tongue or a backbone or a sense of logic.
(I should probably mention that i still moved out of the way for her, after she rudely told me I couldn't pass.)
We finally left, and caught the next subway and train back to meet up with my mom and other sister. The dinner was nice, my sister's sister-in-law had these cute kids, albeit incredibly loud, they are quite adorable. I couldn't wait for the day to end, I just wanted to sink into my bed and new sheets (as my dog is doing right now).
(oh yeah, i changed my mind at the last minute and ended up wearing those jeans I tailored. Surprisingly they fit much better and don't look lopsided.)

from one box to another Friday, April 23, 2004 03:51 p.m.

Lucky me, my shift got cut 2 hours. I took the next train into Toronto and fled over to meet up with my sister. There was a guy in the subway station busking with his guitar playing a radiohead song.
I called one of my friends who is leaving for France on Monday. She wants to meet up tonight but given the concert time it's unlikely. But we'll see, there's also the annual painting party that my program has every year. I'll throw that idea in the air (she said that it's close to the concert).
The atmosphere here is similar to that of my mom's hospital. Even moreso is the familiar anxious feeling. Only an hour remains for her shift. Meantime I'm waiting in the adjacent cubicle. Except instead of my mom, it's my oldest sister.
Outside I go.

The Asian Suicides. Thursday, April 22, 2004 09:38 p.m.

yeah tomorrow!
I got emailed at work today by some facilitator (i have no idea what they are exactly but they train people at my work for departments), emailing me saying that she thought i'd be an 'asset for the team'. I politely said that I was interested (but immediately made up my mind that I wouldn't do anything if it involved me staying after my shift).
For tomorrow I don't plan on sprinting everywhere. It's decided.
AGH! i spent nearly an hour tailoring a pair of jeans that i THOUGHT i'd wear tomorrow. I ended up deciding on wearing the pair i was wearing prior to this mess. I'm such an idiot i should have just consulted this amazingly handy reference site that i have, i found a page that teaches you how to do proper alterations

battle of the trenches Wednesday, April 21, 2004 010:36 p.m.

My brown Burrberry's is still the winner. While the color of my Aquascutum is perfect for matching everything (khaki), i tried it on just a few minutes ago and questioned why it fit so awkwardly. I raised my arms and then i realized it, the jacket is about 2 or maybe even 3 sizes too big.
I make it my mission to hunt out super expensive and elite brands whenever I go thrift store hopping. Which will be my goal for this weekend, in addition to buying several leather jackets for dimes to dollars BY THE POUND (AAAH!!).
Mission: Find perfect color (preferably khaki) trenchcoat, bonus points awarded if Burberry's. Also-seek out kill-billesque leather jackets in unique colors. Try to spend under $40 on everything-but don't pray for miracles. Oh and some points shall be rewarded for finding other really expensive British or Royalty brand clothing. (there's this other brand that the French Royal family wear... i forgot the name.. it's something like Riven or Niven...My friend had a sweater purchased over there, and it was amazing. It was a grey cardigan that had a steel zipper that went all the way up the neck and there was a belt closure on the neck. I'll have to email her about that brand.)
Today while looking for furniture for my sister at IKEA I bought some new sheets for my bed. ah everything in my room matches. Too bad I want to repaint my walls (i've had this same pale blue color since I was 7).
other things i bought:
-a roll of DRAWING PAPER!! Yes, a roll! No, it's a 'ream'. 40 metres of paper, i found it in the kids department, it was $8. I would have bought another one except I was worried about emptying my bank account. I've been doing some heavy damage on my main spending account (thank goodness i'm very strict with putting away cash for savings in another account). I thought the scroll of paper would be good for doing variously sized drawings. I already plan on drawing some ink pen drawings of the angelfish and goldfish downstairs. They'd make great gifts. haha
-a pair of white terry cloth slippers. $3. They're surprisingly warm and comfortable.
-Lastly, some energy saving lightbulbs. They're a little dimmer than the usual 100W lightbulbs in my room but they make my room seem all the more cooler. They're 11watt bulbs, which on the package say that they're equivalent to 60W. Also they last 6x longer than tungsten bulbs (according to the package). Pack of 3 bulbs went for something like $13. Initially i was upset at how dim they made my room, but then I realized I only turn on the lights in my room at two times of the day:
-when it's really early in the morning and usually I can't stand bright light then,
-and before I go to bed. getting ready for bed is another good reason to not be basking in bright hot light.

SING IT MAAYA SAKAMOTO-SAN! Tuesday, April 20, 2004 10:13 p.m.

I thought I was a pretty closet case emo kid. I mean I don't fully subscribe to the emoculture (i.e. the music) but in my appearance I always figured it was pretty 'emo'. Or as one of my friends calls it 'geek chic'. I tend to go for this style the most but I wear a lot of other things also. To keep things mixed.
Haha that was until i saw this epitome of dweeb wimp. While walking off the platform to the underground passage, I saw this guy who had clumpy (presumably unwashed) dirty blonde hair. Semi low riding jeans, presumably some form of sneaker, a jacket that looked like it belonged to a mailman, and here's the crowning accessory: the oldest school looking bag I have ever seen. It wasn't even a bag, it was a large flap of some kind of leather material and a strap. It was kinda green, I thought it looked sorta neat but it was horribly impractical. So i dismissed it and thanked myself for not going to that level of extreme.
I've been running almost daily. but not in an attempt to get fit, always in an attempt to save time or catch up with my tardiness. I think i nearly puked blood today when i sprinted from one end of the street to another, and then around the corner (longer than it sounds). Walking at a medium-fast pace, i would have made it there in 5 minutes, however i made it in 1.5 mins. I was really close to missing the train. Lucky me, after running like an ostrich, i heard an announcement that the train was delayed for another 10 minutes (the bus I was on would have arrived during that time frame-thereby i would not have missed the train had i stayed.)
I put my finger in my throat to see the color of my saliva. I think my throat had become so dry from deep breathing that it tasted somewhat like blood. Later on the train I was hacking a bit, people were giving me dirty looks like they were going to be infected with SARS or something.
Oh also Fred resigned today. haha I guess I won't get to see his constipated face and hear his phone conversations consisting of the word 'dude', 'totally' and 'for sure'.
I'm so excited about this weekend aaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!! I also got invited to go to some gallery openings my friends are having (i had mine last year), but alas earwax, i can't make it. My friend and my ex-roomate (the hick) are going to France next month or so, they wanted to meet up in Toronto for some farewell coffee or something on Friday. I'll see if I can manage it.
I've also started wearing my highschool uniform dress shirts again, haha they look pretty swank with a tie. I often scavenge my dad's tie collection. I have some real gems. Recently I found this deep emerald Pierre Cardin tie. haha it's so wide and almost thug like. I love it. There's a mini "P" logo near the bottom of the tie (in a lighter green). It's so wide it's almost a novelty. I'm sure my friends from school will think i've gone over the edge, but secretly i also just don't own many white dress shirts, let alone short sleeved ones. Besides, it's kinda cool to wear them now that i'm long separated from the highschool scene. I could always say I purchased them at a thrift shop or something. haha it could work.

agh! Monday, April 19, 2004 09:16 p.m.

I really cannot believe how much I suck at tying ties. I tried all four knots and they ALL looked the same. Three of which were supposed to be symmetrical just ended up looking like the fourth asymetrical knot.
gosh darnit.

the signature fragrance of my hometown: Sunday, April 18, 2004 06:34 p.m.

White Suburbia.

it's like whatever. Sunday, April 18, 2004 02:39 p.m.

I went to church this morning. I had to stifle my urge to start laughing while I stood in line for communion.
Why the urge? Well, it all started with this big butt that I saw. I suddenly remembered this old country song that my friend and I made up in our gr.10 art class. At 15 years old I had the luxury of having art class with one of my best friends (all subsequent years and the previous year I only had aquaintances). We were both so chock full of dry humor and that blend of teenage sarcasm (much later matured to adult) that it always kept us entertained during the year.
Anyway, we had this older and portly 'student teacher' or some aspiring highschool art teacher for about a month. I never expect much from highschool art teachers let alone those aspiring to be ones. Needless to say I got along swimmingly with this woman. I'd just do my work and ignore her comments. For one assignment we were required to draw this massive still life of plants and various objects.
During our drawing periods she'd say how she "didn't want to see shaky lines" and that "Sheridan doesn't allow shaky lines or wispy lines for their portfolios.". Then she went on rambling but in front of the subject matter. Already losing patience, my friend and I made up this song to combat her 'big ass in the way'.
There's a big asss in the waaaay!!! (yeah)
big asssss in the wayyyy!!! (yeah)
She didn't hear us, probably because we sat at a studio table in the back.
After church I made fish and chips for lunch and we went out to buy some much needed things:
-A spool of 25 DVDs. ($35)
-The Yeah Yeah Yeah's cd:Machines ($11 it only has 3 songs kind of a rip off.). I really wanted to get Fever to Tell
-Kill Bill vol.1 OST ($9. I couldn't find the dvd).
-Tank Girl! the dvd ($8.99).
I really spend too much money it seems. I also had store credit of about $30 so it buffered it slightly.
Things I have left to get/do:
-either a phone card or get my cell phone set up with the most basic plan available. I hate buying $10 cards and having the minutes run out after 15 minutes.
-withdraw some money for the concert and the day after (i'll probably take out $100. We'll see how much of that I actually use.)

Borne into a safe world, die in safe world. Saturday, April 17, 2004 11:35 p.m.

Okay so my mom's been in San Francisco since last Tuesday. She's visiting the jewelers of the family and picking up my sister's afforementioned engagement ring. She returns monday night or tuesday or something. She also sent me this link on some machinery my uncle may be purchasing for his business. To put it simply, it makes wax models for casting. I can see it being really handy for making wax models in less time and being able to take in all of their orders. In addition it's less manual labor for my aunt. They also have a laser welder and for a while were the only jewellers in SF to own one until the institute where I took a few goldsmithing courses, made plans to purchase one shortly after I left.
They also suggested that I should take some courses in operating this machine, that way my uncle could hire me and i could work in the states thereby obtaining a citizenship. It certianly is not an easy task or something that requires no skill. Given my current work situation, I think (after much consideration) it is definitely worth investigating. They made sure to say that it'd help me in whatever i do (translation: you're not trapped here so don't feel like you are).
Besides, despite this slight 'twinge' (earlier a conniption) of irritation i have, (because it feels like my mother is putting her unwanted hands and feet of intervention in my turbulent career path) it isn't set in stone that i must be a fashion designer. My number one thing is: i just don't want my life to be what someone told me to do. First and foremost it's my life. I plan to keep it that way.
Plus, I have this gut feeling (usually gospel truth) that my mom knows in her head that I can't do what I aspire to do (to defy her implicitly!! haha, impartially i jest.). My dad's more or less feels helpless when it comes to his only child that has high ambitions and skills that aren't scientific or business-like, I mean, in the immediate sense-I know I can be a shrewd logician.
Also I don't want my life to have the same cycle to that of my mother. While she's highly decorated and successful in her field of expertisse, i can't help but feel slightly resentful towards her father for telling her she would fail at something else she excelled in, that being music. At age 15 or 16 she was accepted into a London school of music but my grandfather told her she'd end up as some kind of mediocre piano player because there's too much competition in the world and there's always someone better. In the context of their time, I can understand this being the most sound advice. Both of my parents come from very modest backgrounds if not less than that. Things aren't the same as they were back then. I believe one must to take risks in life. Baby, it's all about realizing your true potential.
It is so weird how much I'm like my uncle in some respects. He is man of so many interests. He is the business aspect of their company whereas my aunt is the craftsman/person. He also enjoys/knows the finer things in life. I remember him telling me that he had studied so many different subjects in university that he ended up graduating with multiple degrees in various fields. He's also the only direct link I have with the CIA. In his college years he was approached by federal agents to join up with them. He said it had something to do with his science background, the fact that his father was a liaison for the American and Chinese government during the war and plus i'm sure being a smart Chinese guy wasn't going against him either. He told them 'no way' after consulting his dad (who basically told him, once you're with them you can't leave, ever.). He's done a wacky variety of jobs throughout the years but has settled into the jewellery biz and has been doing that with his wife for the last 20 odd years or so. That's the best sort of thing, just falling into your career. I wouldn't mind that.
Other stuff:
-I saw Kill Bill vol.2 today, (it was alright).
-I want to add couscous to the list of things to cook regularly.
-holy shit!!! KRAFTWERK THIS FRIDAY NIGHT!! I'm going to my first huge concert (at the not so tender age of 22). Then on Saturday I'm going to go shopping at thrift stores till i drop. There's a Salvation Army around my future brother in law's house called By The Pound. Angus (the fiance) showed me his collection of swanky leather jackets, and today I asked them what my chances were of finding a white leather jacket (yeah i know. it's my white whale), and they said anything is possible at that place. They said it's massive piles of clothing you have to sift through. And like the name implies, they sell things BY THE POUND... so you could really buy a whole wardrobe for $20 (DROOL). Later that day, we (the three of us and my mom and other sister in b-town) are meeting up for dinner with Angus' aunt for dinner.
Tell you the truth, i'm more excited about the day after then the actual concert itself but both days should prove to be totally chock full of fun. Now i just have to think of what to wear. hahahaha.

"comb my way~!" Wednesday, April 14, 2004 09:23 p.m.

Fat is a many mysterious thing. The return ride bus ride to the train station, I came across someone of incredible girth. From the neck up he appeared to have the regular proportions of an average sized man but from neck down, he had thighs the size of two potato sacks tied together. In order to accomodate himself he needed to sit on two seats. This bus tends to be very overcrowded at this time of the day. This didn't bother me in the slightest as i generally prefer to stand. Although this morning I fell asleep for the entire ride and completely missed my stop (resulting in me getting to work exactly at the beginning of my shift).
On the train I started noticing more people that had average to slenderish faces but gigantic lower/mid appendages. I don't get how they don't gain any weight on their faces but manage to have elephant thighs.
My sister came over unexpectedly tonight. We ate a frozen pizza for dinner and then later went to Wal-Mart in search for a spring jacket (for her) and for myself, some miscellaneous things I don't need.
I ended up buying:
-a plain highlighter green shirt ($4)
-a plain highlighter turquoise shirt ($4) (This year I've been focusing a lot on obtaining intensely colored garments)
-Garnier Fructis Shake Gel ($5 something)
-Garnier Fructis Hair Wax ($5 something)
No luck with the spring jacket attempt. I sort of had a feeling we wouldn't find anything. Never shop for the season when you're in the season.
The shirts were so cheap because they were kid's t-shirts (yeahh!). My sister laughed at me because my hair products ended up being more than the t-shirts. After my sister dropped me off, I tried out the clothes/hair products. The shirts fit-that's for sure. The hair products are good. I don't have a drastic hairstyle now (contrary to the name of the hairproducts).
However, the shape of my hair is held really well. I shook my head a few times after it set, and my hair still moved but it more or less reverted to the original molded shape. I've tried gels, mousses and pommades. Pommades make the hair heavy and greasy (not to mention you get breakouts). Gels and mousses that i've tried (usually cheap stuff) it breaks after a while. I'm going to stick with this stuff from now on.
The funny thing about the directions on the styling products (which i read at least three to four times each), they assume you can style your hair. haha i can't. I tried to 'mess' it up but i fiddled around with it so much that my hair ended up looking neat again. haha oh well.

don't forget Monday, April 12, 2004 05:31 a.m.

Things i need to get:
-a spindle of blank dvds
-Garnier Fructis shake gel (it looks neat i wanna try it out).
-a new job
-the long weekend back.

KOKORO no KISSU* Sunday, April 11, 2004 09:29 p.m.

I perused the dvd section of amazon.com today. I had the specific intention on looking up anime dvd boxed sets. It's such a guilty pleasure of mine.
Fuck it. I love anime. I go so long without watching any and then suddenly when i do... it's like some floodgates have exploded.
There's certain anime that i'm more than relieved to download (like Inu-Yasha-yeah yeah yeah i know. screw off- which has over something like 200 episodes.) And when companies release three episodes per disc priced at $45 it's pretty obvious what i'd prefer. (especially since i'm at the 100s now, they're only selling up to episode 30 or something.)
Compared to the real anime buffs, I'm a 'casual' anime fan. I only stick to a few titles, a few artists and then settle with them. But man...Do I ever love those few that I know. I was going through the list of box sets and I let out intermitted squeals. Like pokemon, but not nearly as lame, i just wanted to catch 'em all.
Also, you probably won't be seeing me at any conventions anytime soon or worse yet, dressing up as a character other than myself (ha ha ha). Sorry there sportsfans.
I might set aside like.....$20 a week and just accumulate it over a period of time to buy some boxed sets. Ugh. I probably should just wait until i'm rich or something.
*loosely translates to 'wound of the heart'.

Los Boob Sweater Sunday, April 11, 2004 04:12 p.m.

This is the second worst attempt at knitting an entire garment. it looks NOTHING like the picture. maybe my tension was funny with changing the yarns but i've successfully managed to create a very consistent 'ripple' across the entire yoke area of this sweater. it almost looks good but at the same time i'm thinking this thing is a creation of the devil. it reminds me of an 80s sweater where it's puffy at the shoulders and narrow at the wrists. UGH. I'd better finish sewing up the other sleeve. maybe throwing it in the washing machine will salvage it somehow. Usually doing that loosens the tension a bit.

Sunday, April 11, 2004 11:14 a.m.

Last night we went to the Easter Vigil service. I thought my eyes were going to fall out.
My sweater is turning out weird. It's done. i'm sewing up the seams. I think i should just stick to hats and scarves from now on.

It's the year to be hated. Wednesday, April 7, 2004 10:45 p.m.

Over analysis, hypersensitivity and being critical are both the vices and the badges of honor.
The party was alright. I'll start out by describing the visuals. Thrown in lower class housing-usually rented out by the university students. It was exactly how I'd imagine a party to be like. That is if I were in highschool. I thought most of the aspects of my post secondary life was typical at best. This party was something out my television fed imagination. There were christmas lights, two gigantic speakers blasting anything, beer, a vat of poison (i.e. homemade punch-i had one glass and left it at that), guys wearing trucker hats, girls wearing low-rise jeans, cardboard flooring (to cover the actual floor), couches with people sprawled around, much yelling and a guy who made his token appearance in his spiderman unitard.
(I came fully knowing that I'd be waking up at 5:30am to start work. I was a zombie today but not a huge stretch for an office worker.)
There was even a cool room. (coincidentally the room I was in. but i very much doubt that i had anything to do with it). This room was dubbed 'the green room'. Namely for the plants that were growing everywhere. Posters of Lennon and a bug documentary playing on the computer in the background. The computer monitor, lovingly splattered in stickers, bore a name plate of the owner (one of my best friends). That is where we huddled.
When I left the party I remember feeling pretty irritated. Namely questioning my reasoning for attending. It had nothing to do with the grunginess or 'apparent lack of class' that i'm so often accused of despising. Nor did it have anything to do with the fact that the room we were in was also green for another reason-people were lighting up and i was offered to puff a few from some smelly joint that ended up hotboxing the entire room. Consequently I suspect I got a little high (for the first time). I forgot to mention this was at another university-I only knew my friends who were students there (which is enough for me).
No, it wasn't any of that. It was the feeling that was all too familiar to me. Don't get me wrong, these friends are my first and are dear to me. But it was reminiscent of highschool. These people talked around and over me. Whether it was making plans or just plain out talking. For some reason I'm always left out when it's them.
"Hey we should totally do this... and you should come and.."
Meanwhile I'm sitting right beside the directed audience members and at the same time successfully unincluded. This feeling never surfaced when I was at university.
It is not to say that my university friends are better than the older ones. But I never felt like my university friends only liked me when I was bitter (or drunk) which is the way I think my older friends are like. This is probably why I drank substantially less in university. I guess because I didn't have to make a fool of myself or lacerate others verbally to make friends. I'd know they'd say otherwise but I've always felt like their novelty.
Then again I'm probably just being self-centered.
I'm almost finished knitting my sweater. Tomorrow is the last day of work for the week and I'm going shopping with my sister and I'm pretty excited.

that makes me wanna kill! Tuesday, April 6, 2004 08:25 p.m.

The long weekend is almost here. oh lordy. i'm so in need of a holiday.
Going out tonight. To make a brief appearance at a party, seein' who's who and what's what? Then leaving before I turn into a pumpkin.

tick tick tick! Monday, April 5, 2004 07:19 p.m.

I remember being kissed for the first time. I was 5. I was in kindergarten. The class was waiting on the floor (in a scattered formation) while the teacher prepped up the tv/vcr. She turned down the lights. For some reason I started falling asleep while resting my head on my hand which was propped up on my knee (i was sitting cross legged). I abruptly awoke to the feeling of someone's wet kisser smack my cheek or the back of my hand. I'm pretty sure it was the back of my hand because I remember thinking "gross this is like a really wet stamp and there's no neat picture!" and wiping my hand on something dry (probably my trackpant leg or the carpet).
Haha I think I knew who it was too. Or not.

i am tie. Saturday, April 3, 2004 03:54 p.m.

I just finished doing my tax returns for this year.

genius denim. Friday, April 2, 2004 08:20 p.m.

Upon leavingwork today I successfully managed to smash my right eye and right side of my forehead/eyebrow into the glass revolving door. Evidently I was too fast for the spinning doors.
My right eyebrow ridge still hurts a bit.
That aside, I shouldn't be surprised at this but everyone in my family (myself included) all have seriously above average IQ's. I took this PhD approved IQ test that my mom emailed me today and was slightly disappointed at my score. After some research I found that our scores were still about 30 points above the average of places like North America and even China.
still though. iq's don't really mean anything.

BITCH, do not talk to me like you know who I am. Tuesday, March 30, 2004 09:05 p.m.

Just now the phone rang:
"Hello?"
"hi is vicky in?"
"No. Actually she is not in right now. May I ask who's calling?"
"it's... betty."
" 'betty'? Okay."
"is this _____? (my name)"
"Yes, it is."
"it's betty from work i was just calling to remind your mother that we're having lunch tomorrow with...(names of people i don't care for)"
"Okay, I'll pass it on to her that she has a luncheon tomorrow."
"um... no she's supposed to bring the food tomorrow, i'm sure she probably forgot about it (insert my peak in annoyance with phone trash here)"
"Right. Well I'm sure she can just pick something up before she leaves for work. Okay? Thanks, bye."

oohhhhh magosh... Tuesday, March 30, 2004 06:42 p.m.

my sister is a little biatch. My uncle took pictures of the engagement ring my made by my aunt (presumably my aunt and perhaps designed or co-designed by my uncle). There's no doubt in my mind that they're making (or helping me design one) me one when i get married. (well not like Dawn's more... 'me' like. all the same). They'll probably be retired by that time that happens. LE SIGH.

I will officially kick her ass if she loses this ring. she is notorious for losing jewellery. Whereas my other sister is notorious for not wearing jewellery at all. I'm just notorious. agh.

Cecelia who? Monday, March 29, 2004 07:39 p.m.

They found her remains. Yesterday at about 2pm in Mississauga somewhere in a ravine. Reports are absolute to follow. It was the first news I read this morning on my way to work. I almost started crying right there when I saw her face on the cover page alongside the header. Cecelia Zhang, reported missing for more than five months, is dead. The parents were planning her birthday party for tomorrow in hopes that she'd be back to celebrate it with them.
She was nine years old.
Truly it's abysmal how we, the indirectly affected, can just go on with our lives whilst people like her parents (not to mention her) suffer. I remember thinking briefly about them during Christmas but was able to shrug it off more or less because I had other things on my mind, like everyone else.
And now it surfaces back, what do you do?
Whatever that may be, you definitely know it isn't enough.
I know that this and much worse happens all around the world, but most of the times i'm doing what everyone else is doing. Thinking about oneself.
I think I will send my condolences to them.

in a fancy restaurant. Thursday, March 25, 2004 05:42 a.m.

Today's horoscope for scorpios:
"At times it makes you a little crazy when you can see so deeply into what's beneath the surface, but you can't talk about it to others. Whether it's that they just don't want to know or that they don't have the capability to fully understand the complexity of what you see, you are left alone to experience something very profound. You'll find someone to share it with later, but probably not today."
oh great. like i was expecting that to happen today of all days.
Two new songs acquired:
Kiss-Prince (i think i want to borrow my sister's 'greatest hits of' cd)
Nothing compares to you-Sinead O' Connor.
OH YEAH.

achilles eye. Sunday, March 21, 2004 08:02 p.m.

It's a well known fact that I'm a clothes fanatic. But i think i have a real fetish for sports clothing.
Let me just say, i added more to my collection today.

Modern Romance. Sunday, March 21, 2004 12:13 p.m.

My sister and I went to church today. I was grossed out at how often people were coughing and sneezing. As usual my mind drifted during the homily.
Then it was over.
On our ride home we talked about how much my sister drank last night and how it's nice to be around 'normal' people sometimes. She told me more or less, how important it is when you find someone that changes you. But not in that Stepford Wives way but more like the "hey i'm not a hater anymore. deal with it.". I myself had a tough time imagining that possibility.
Now we're waiting for my dad to come (if he's coming at all today) to go out for lunch.

hot chocolate! Saturday, March 20, 2004 11:36 a.m.

this morning i have a slight swagger in my walk. Like I'm still drunk. but i didn't drink last night.
It must be a result of sleeping more than 5 hrs like i've been doing all these weeks.

how to lose me in six seconds. Wednesday, March 17, 2004 11:19 p.m.

Turnoff no.2: coffee combined with cigarette breath. Nostril traumatizing. I had this conversation with one of my co-workers on the busride home. While I enjoyed talking to him, I felt really nauseous when I would catch whisps of his sour breath. Even 20 minutes later when I was outside breathing in the cold clean air, i still had phantom pains.
I got my pirated games tonight. ho ho! they all work. I did notice that the ps2 'eject' button is almost ejecting itself... as in it's really loose. I know it wasn't always like that so I'm going to talk to Harry about it tomorrow.
I'm also super determined to sit down and really learn how to use dreamweaver and flash.

Monday, March 15, 2004 12:52 a.m.

If everyone realized their full potential, do you realize how frightening this world would be?

The Divine Comedy (formerly: THE EXODUS) pt.2 Sunday, March 14, 2004 11:30 p.m.

ugh. I finally managed to clear the floors of all papers, clothing, dust and HAIR. (crap there was so much hair. i swear there was enough for a wig-DISGUSTING).
I'm also surprised that i haven't developed an allergy to dust and my OWN HAIR up till now.
I crawled around my floor holding the crevasse tool of our vacuum cleaner finely combing the floors for filth and my hair from the ages passed.
The remaining tasks:
-folding all of my clothes and doing laundry.
-donating a garbage bag full of garments i don't want anymore. I must do this by next monday.
-dispose of the remaining papers and miscellaneous objects that i placed on my bed.
-change my bedsheets.
-the next level in my cleaning crusade shall be cleaning my dresser top-it has been cluttered for aeons, vacuuming underneath my bed and the other freestanding furniture in my room (not including my desk).
-My mom also promised me that I could repaint my room if i completely cleaned my room. I'm holding her to this (she said this years ago). I am definitely going to aim for this next.
-I think I want to buy narrower dresser for my room. My sister had this really nice one that she gave to my oldest sister. It was an unvarnished dresser that my dad had treated. It had something like 8 or 9 drawers. That would be excellent for my room. I'd also like to rearrange my closet-as in take down walls and make it more space efficient.

EXODUS pt.1 Sunday, March 14, 2004 05:15 p.m.

Have you ever cleaned a bedroom?
Evidently the last time i had done such a feat i was about 8.

there ain't no strings on me! Saturday, March 13, 2004 09:21 p.m.

I'm such a wuss. i stopped my margarita fest after two. i still have at least another 2-4 left in the pitcher. I'll tell my mom to have some when she comes back from playing (the harp) at that wedding she's at.
I also brushed my teeth just now, i remembered that i had my teeth cleaned today so i kinda felt bad that i threw that all down the drain by covering my choppers in berry juices.

I MARGARITA YOU MARGARITA. Saturday, March 13, 2004 08:28 p.m.

is it totally wrong that i made a whole pitcher of margaritas for myself?
i mixed frozen mixed berries, some ice, about a shot and a half of melon liqueur, some rum, apple juice and i also added some instant iced tea mix because it wasn't very sweet without some sugar... oh shit i forgot that i had cherry liqueur.
i took pictures. uploading will ensue later tomorrow probably.

the secret is out Saturday, March 13, 2004 02:55 p.m.

I have serious shopping problems. I almost bought an fcuk jean jacket but instead bought this really amazing Adidas jacket. I'll have to draw it or something. (fcuk stands for: french connection u.k)
Then my sister and i went out to get something for her friend, i ended up buying two more pairs of pants. sigh.
I don't think i'm going to go downtown tonight i'm so tired from this week. But that is subject to change depending on how my friend is feeling.

Saturday, March 13, 2004 12:10 a.m.

Temporary offset: Fred emailed me the best 'boss' email he could whereby he 'had to respectfully request that i return to my shift'. ugh. whatever. i talked to the daytime manager and he basically said fred is an idiot. but in more words and less directly. "i'll talk to him, just leave it to me". So monday i'll be doing the night crawl again.. but it'll be nice to sleep in for a change at least.
I met up with my friend after work. We went back to her place and sifted through all of her clothes up until it was time to go to the grand art opening in Toronto.
I'm sitting at my desk right now feeling pretty spent.
Anyway, at the gallery i met the French exchange students that are residing with my ex-roomate and friends downtown. Pretty swanky girls with that whole big city kind of hip and attitude (Fleur and Marianne were pretty nice.) While surfing through the streets looking for the gallery and a parking spot, I started thinking maybe NYC really isn't so big of a deal. Sure it's larger and more expensive but Toronto is essentially the same deal more or less.
The show was the usual shindig. See people, meet people, talk to people, and occasionally look at the art. I also lent out my legendary 14ft scarf to one of my friends who was going to be mighty cold that night. Plus she wanted to be 'Beige-sian' (beige+asian). So i lent it to her. (she's a white white irishwoman haha).
I'm also seriously thinking about setting my roots over in San Francisco and moving into my departed grandfather's house and working there as some kind of designer (be it fashion or whatever.) And having my best friend move in with me as my co-designer. whatever that means.
Tomorrow I'm going to go shopping with my sister, but I think I may go out for a quadruple birthday party that will happen downtown. I may choose to meet up with my friend at the mall and then hang with her, go to a bar, then the party then sleep over at her place and come back home sunday sometime.
So much for getting that sweater done this weekend. Or sleeping.

my earlobes are hot (to the touch). Monday, March 8, 2004 11:37 p.m.

I was getting bored with my earrings. Apparently the holes are still slightly stretched from when the time I had guaged earlobes. Actually both sets of holes were slightly larger. I found an old set of 14g hoops that i really liked when i first started out with the whole body piercing thing. I managed to put them in with minimal pain. I don't know if I want to bring the holes back up to an 8g. I really liked having those hoops (especially when my hair is this length). My parents hated it when i had larger than regular holes so much. I eventually got bored of them but seeing how my earring collection is so small this was bound to happen.
(regular earrings are 18g. 14 g is only about 2-3 times the thickness of a regular post. 8g is about the diameter of a ball point pen refill).

reunion Monday, March 8, 2004 10:36 p.m.

I worked the full day and left to meet up with my friends at school. I sat in the design class and acted like I had been there from the start. It took about 15 mins for my ex-design teacher to notice me. When he did I just asked him if this was Parsons School of Design as I was 'lost'. hahaha.
Afterwards I went out with my friend for a snack, well she had dinner I just sort of ate some chicken wings (.40 cents a wing-we bought 15). I talked about some creative endeavors such as designing an art book and business card to get things started on my portfolio. I think this would be a great idea, the book especially not to show my scrawls and coffee lounge doodles but moreso I could challenge my layout skills and put some old tools to use (i.e. the right hemisphere of my brain). My friends came up for a name for my design company, haha I won't divulge the name here but I think it could work.
I'm also going to start looking into schooling in San Francisco for graphic design or something 'designy'. I already have a vacant house to live in so at least the housing situation would be settled. My friend and i then daydreamed about living together in the 'big city' either in NYC or in San Fran doing freelance work and being real gen-x'ers.

it's not going to stop. Sunday, March 7, 2004 01:25 a.m.

The thing i hate about the English language is that it accomodates to the ignorance of the everyday person. Words that normally didn't exist, now do because not enough people knew the correct ones. Even pronunciations have changed. Take the word 'quay' for example. It's now okay to pronounce it 'kway'. Thanks, but i'll pass.

Today's excursion: Saturday, March 6, 2004 07:46 p.m.

Tiff came and picked me up and we left at around 10 this morning.
We went to Toronto, picked up Dawn and left to head over to Scarborough. "Scarboring" as I dubbed it after we left the bridal place. They wanted me to excercise my expertisse in sorting through crap. And sugah, there was a lot. I found a few gems but most of them were't really conducive to the style that my sister wanted for her wedding (think a romantic style). The first joint was super lame, the storelady, Mavis, was a super biatch with her chain link belt over her sweater stretched over her pot belly. She kept on accusing my sister (the maid of honor) of being something like 10 sizes larger than what she actually is (she's a single digit- i won't say what size she is because she reads my journal. hahaha).
We returned to downtown Toronto afterwards. went out for thai food and froze our asses off walking outside in skimpy jackets. I have perma frozen thighs now. I'm going to start wearing my 20 year old shearling coat this week.

hell hath no fury, Saturday, March 6, 2004 01:34 a.m.

I'd almost feel sorry for anyone that ever got in my way. or even moreso for those ones that did and got away with it. But I don't really. It's not quite the same when you hate yourself versus holding a grudge towards somebody else.

WHO IS DA BOO BOO? Friday, March 5, 2004 06:16 p.m.

(hahahaha inside joke)
To my relief, I was told that we were returning to our original department on Monday.
Their only mistake was telling me this at noon. I took my TIME and boy did i ever have a nice long break. it was almost 2 hours-doing various things from walking to the mall to buy a phone card, chatting with Simi, walking around outside and making a trip to go talk to my friends. I still managed to do 400, which was a complete joke and i'm sure Erlinda knew it (Erlinda is the lady that gives me work when i've completed the tasks). I have a slight feeling that i may have had something to do with us returning to our floor.
My friend and cubicle neighbor (at my actual job), Jane brought to my attention that the people in the mail room probably dislike me now for as she puts it 'killing the peak'. I guess they can't do overtime or something. but I think I did them a favor from doing more mind numbing work.
on my way out, I dropped off my productivity sheets along with someone else's and the manager thanked me. Then as I left her office she thanked me again. when i realized i forgot my umbrella i returned to the building and upon entering the elevator i ran into her, yep, she thanked me again for my work this week. I said 'you're welcome' 5 minutes later when i meant to say 'have a nice weekend'. hahaha.
They started out with 5000 units flooding in all at once, and this week i did 2330. hahahaha.
Today was so beautiful. It started out horribly wet and misty, but by early afternoon the sun came out, broke the mist, evaporated the moisture and fresh warm spring winds came-a-blowing. I was crazily preppish today with a white buttoned up golf sleevless t, a v-neck tan colored wool sweater, black jeans and white pumas. On the outside I wore my brown burberry's trench-even the lining matched my attire. Quite coordinated. I remember there was a time i never coordinated things freakishly. haha how fun it was to be ignorant of such trivial matters.
Tomorrow I'm going with my sister to meet up with my oldest sister in downtown Toronto. Bright and early we're going to look at bridesmaid dresses and then later go out for lunch. Monday I'm planning on going to my school to hang out with my friends after work. Finally on Friday I'm going to see my friend's art exhibit opening night. I'm really excited. I already know what i'm going to wear and i'm going to buy her a drink in honor of the night. I told her to make it expensive.
oh I'm also planning on switching to the morning shift, but instead of working 7-3, i want to work the regular 9-5 or maye slightly earlier. Seeing how it's slowing down i don't see it being a real problem. I already talked to so and so about it. I should probably also mention there's all of this gossip going around that this company is going to sell out. Which explains why they fired entire departments. I saw 3 pages of departments and their employees that were 'let go'.

sympathy for the devil. Thursday, March 4, 2004 11:26 p.m.

turnoff#1: feeling sorry for oneself.
(more to ensue throughout the year.)

I'M A BARBIE GIRL... Thursday, March 4, 2004 11:02 p.m.

What ever happened to Aqua?
Speaking of water, if i peed as much as my dog, oscar, does proportionately to his body size, i'd lose about 4 or 5 pounds. I walked my dogs after i got back from work and for the first time ever I noticed oscar was shaking. This dog as soon as he got outside urinated on the grass for slightly over one minute.
other things today include:
-i can dress in the dark and still come out victorious.
-i look expensive but I am thriftier than someone who is in a lower economic class. (my complete outfits rarely amount to over 50 bucks.)

soul dregs (cont'd). Wednesday, March 3, 2004 9:08 p.m.

The train was late. i ended up getting to work late. Well i usually get there about fifteen mins before my shift, i got there on the dot. Here's what I don't get. I managed to do more work than i have done over the last few days AND i finished with half an hour to slack off. (i also did more work than any of the senior analysts did for their full shifts and i work less hours than they do.)
We were talking about how some more people were 'let go' and i just plainly said that they were fired. In much disbelief someone said that 'their assignment must've finished!'. I had to explain that when company officials say that someone has 'finished their assignment' it translates that the employees were let go. Then i also brought the point that we were all working on the same assignment so it's impossible for someone to finish it before the rest of us. On that note at my break i hurried to the 10th floor. I took my only possession from my cubicle; a blue fluted mug that i purchased at Wal-Mart. I used it to hold pencils and at one point, coffee.
I think my assignment will finish by the end of this month. I need to find a new job but i'm also looking forward to leaving the office world.
I've been writing too much about work lately. (i think it seems that way at least).
I realized while fixing my hair in the bathroom that I've had at least 6 different hairstyles. Which is surprising (to me) but overall really isn't much of shock when I really think about it. My sister has even mentioned how much i change my appearance. I had guaged earlobes for a while, almost a year. and then one day decided to take them out because i was bored of wearing the same earrings all the time with very few options due to the size of the holes (8g).
So here they are in semi chronological order:
The Asymmetrical bowl cut (up till i was around... 12 i guess, occaisionally i'd go to a 'professional' but most of the time i got my mom to cut my hair. miserably.) My sisters can attest to this.
A brush cut (I think i may have had this like... once. but it was just too short and i'm pretty self conscious of the surgical scar on the back of my head.) I hated it so much. I looked like a monk or something.
the middle part yeah even i had this. My dad liked it because he said it reminded him of my carefree uncle in San Francisco.
gel and spikes ugh. i had that for maybe two years? and occasionally later on. From grades 11-12 and maybe first year of university. It was nice because i felt like i fit in. haha oh brother.
The artsy cut. (i.e. my own cutting job which would often result in intentional irregularity) I like having short hair. It wasn't too short and i made it really choppy with lots of random hair direction changes. A stylist's nightmare i'm sure. I did this for about a year. Last year in fact. Cheapest haircut ever. I did it for exactly one year for bragging rights.
The shagtacular, once i shaved my head for a cancer fundraiser (i raised like.. $200, but only because i asked like 10 people haha). Anyway after i got it shaved i vowed to grow it in because tennis ball hair was not fun and i hated it so much. I left it for months, it grew so long. Then I had occasional visits to cheap places to get it cut. Then i went through my 'self cutting' phase. then i got it professionally cut again-last August. The guy managed to even out everything and make it look very... 'plain' to say the least. I left it to grow. I wanted to fix the part. Then I got it cut at a salon for the first time(well... not THE first time.. but the first time in really nice place for a very long time). It then resumed to grow into a massive black mane of shiny insanity.
I should also mention that this was the longest i had ever grown my hair (shoulder length), I had different layers and my hair had sort of an S shape-it would go over my head smoothly forming the first curve and then it'd curl outwards forming little points.
which now brings me to...
As of March 1st 2004 (shortly after chinese new year) the young, hip, oh so versatile and yet professional BOB!. This absolutely reminds me of my mom's haircut when she was my age or younger. Hell even now somewhat. Oh man. I think i'm always going to get my hair cut like this for at least the next few years.
See for most Asians, with our hairtype (thick, straight and sometimes coarse), it's a PAIN to grow it out. If it's too short it kinks out like steel rods. But once you do, you reap the rewards of having one of the best hairtypes in THE WORLD. I'm just glad i don't have to do that anymore.
(oh yeah, dinner consisted of the spiciest steak stir fry I have ever eaten.)

soul dregs. Wednesday, March 3, 2004 07:35 p.m.

I ended up sleeping in this morning a full hour, i woke up at 6:30am panic stricken. I actually contemplated leaving the house in one minute or asking my mom to give me a ride to the train station. I opened her door twice and looked at my watch and then finally she asked me what was wrong. haha.
I got to the station in seconds flat.
(more to come. but dinner awaits...)

black and white. Monday, March 1, 2004 11:02 p.m.

I cannot believe how exhausted I am right at this moment. My ankles have never been in so much pain. Fashionably flat shoes are torture to those with high arches. Never AGAIN.
My haircut was a blast and well worth the exhaustion not to mention the wait (it took almost 2 hrs plus a 15 minute waiting time.) I haven't had my hair this short since when i gave myself haircuts for about a year. It has almost been a year. I still left the bangs longer but i made sure to pressure my stylist to cut off more than 1 inch from the back. I must've twisted her arm into taking off about 3 inches.
It's sort of short and bobbish now. It's neat i can actually see my earlobes on occaision. The hair in the back, which i had lovingly nicknamed "the great wall of China" doesn't rest all over the back of my neck, it's laying flat on my head. which is surprising. I also exchanged email/contacts with my stylist. she said that i should reapply (we had a good laugh over my recounting of applying for the job and seeing mr. attitude cop it all out on his breaks.)
I also found out that i'm pretty popular at the Club Monaco store even though I only bought 2 things there, they all say 'hi' to me and know me by face (and now by name. i introduced myself to 'Simi' one of the workers today-this was the one that said my hair was like the 'prada sweep'.) All in all a good break.

rusty fingertips and damp socks. Sunday, February 29, 2004 02:53 p.m.

I was locked out of the house today after eating sunday lunch with my father. I distinctly remember telling him "i have to make sure i can open the garage first so don't leave yet." and before i knew it.
BYE!
And so there I was stranded and feverishly punching in numbers on the garage keypad control. Normally I carry around my house keys but in the early morn rush to get to church i forgot to transfer the items from my jacket to the one I was wearing today.
I got up and walked around my house, looking for a possible vulnerable spot. I guess there's some pride to be taken into being able to break into your own house and at the same time there isn't.
I went up to my room window and tried to see if i could wiggle it. But seeing how my window is in the front of my house it looks extremely suspect. I then stumbled through the hill of snow leading down to my backyard. I managed to acquire a rusty doorhinge or something and I found a slighly loose window and started to pry it open. I figured if i could get my arm in, i could punch the screen door down and reach the window latch and get myself in while knocking a few things over. This all would have been great and effective if it weren't or the fact that i could only get the window to open up an inch. I eventually found a barbeque brush and i shoved that into the crevasse. it only opened up about a centimeter more. Not wanting to wreck the window any further i went back uphill to wait for my other parent to return from the movies.
I then planned to make a duplicate of my studio key and hide it outside somewhere. like in the forest or something.

jade revelation? Friday, February 27, 2004 09:03 p.m.

I started wearing this jade pendant that my grandmother gave me before she died. I remember not liking it when i was 13, I thought it was gross (because it was on a gold chain and the jade pendant had one end capped in 14k yellowness.) Over the years and i'd like to think i understand things a bit better now.
The neat thing about jade is that the real good pieces of jade, like we're talking the stuff that's insanely valuable-it grows in value the more you wear it. If it's good jade, it'll darken into a deeper and richer shade of green or whatever color it is. Similarly if it's cheap or some inferior quality jade it lightens because the dyes used to make it appear nice fade with wear. Jade has two different types, jadeite and nephrite. Both extremely durable 6.5 and 7 *mohs, diamonds are 10 mohs. Jadeite is the more valued of the two, wheras nephrite is the hardest. They even made weapons out of nephrite! There is also a thing called Imperial Jade (jadeite), this stuff is a bright emerald color and as the name implies, valuable.
*measure of hardness
Also because of it's beauty and value jade is also frequently imitated much like all other precious gemstones. Don't be fooled. If it's cheap it's either fake or a poor quality stone.
I remember while in San Francisco at my aunt and uncle's jewlery shop they showed me some jade specimens they bought at an auction. The auction was the clearing out of abandoned safety deposit boxes. They bought this block of jade (no larger than maybe 2.5 inches) and it was valued at over $900 USD.
My aunt has these two amazing pieces of yellow jade. The first one she has is this really thick bangle carved and polished purely out of solid yellow jade. The natural colors marbled into the bangle is amazing. I don't want to think about how much that thing is valued at. The second thing is a 18k yellow gold ring she made and had cast in an oval cabochon of yellow jade. She's wacky for yellow and bright colors in general. haha it's surprising that we're not relatedby blood.
I have a few jade things myself, but my most valuable pieces are two pendants. The aforementioned in the first paragraph, it's literally a stick of jade. It's under 2 inches long and it's marbled in deep greens (the dark greens are actually iron deposits). It's on a small diamond cut gold chain (this type of chain looks like a french twist rope-very sturdy according to my jewlery expert sources). There's a small circular gold medallion (smaller than a penny) with a rooster on it. I remember all of us got one of these for christmas back in 1993 from our uncle. I'm wearing this one right now in fact.
The other piece i have is a small round bead about the size of a small grape. I think my uncle had one which had gold caps on either end (pretty cool now that i think about it.). Mine however isn't quite so fanciful. I remember getting a forewarning about wearing it around other Asians because they can recognize expensive jade when they see it. When i arrived back in Canada I wove it onto a hemp necklace and mismatched other green opaque beads on it as to mask the 'real gem'. I misplaced that necklace. It's always nice to wear in the summer.
In the meantime I'm not going to take this pendant off until well, i'll see how long i can go.

watch if you're smart.. Friday, February 27, 2004 07:16 p.m.

This new work i'm doing is undeniably easier than the 2 times tables.
the quota for this department is to do 448/480 applications in a day (that's 64 an hour). Each batch contains 50 apps, and they give us work in sets of 100.
In the first 2.5 hours i had 300 applications done. Now see the coordinator for the department had told me that the quota was 50 apps an hour. I thought I could seriously coast the rest of the day or really screw up the average rate at least.
In the rush to leave today I forgot the 5 cds i meant to bring along with me to drown out surrounding noise and WTP (white trash pat). I know now for a fact that music helps me combat the mindlessness of this work. For the first few hours I listened to Kill Bill! vol.1 and i am sam.. I was surprised at the second cd-it made me wish i hadn't forgotten to rip the blue album. i already have most of kill bill on my ipod- I also didn't want to drain the batteries of my ipod which is why i didn't use it.
I'm going to make an mp3 cd (two perhaps) and make them each several hours long. And i'm going to aim for 600 apps an day because it's just that easy. (the only reason why i can get them done so fast is solely because of my typing skills. it finally pays to type over 100 wpm.)
and the manager can eat my dust. (she was giving me a hard time because i refused to leave my house at 5am to arrive at work for 7am).

Today's closet outcome: Friday, February 27, 2004 05:43 a.m.

-Purple sweater (probably my 4th time wearing it since i bought this a few weeks ago).
-A miscellaneous t-shirt. Probably one from my vast collection of university shirts.
-Faded black jeans that i've had for 4 years. i cut off the hem i sewed in and now they're freying quite nicely.
-a white studded leather belt (i gotta be BLINGING)
-black jean jacket my sister gave me for Christmas (i haven't worn it yet, and it has no pockets at all. which is kinda rough). It's darker than my pants but it's still okay
-6 yr old New Balances (maybe i'll wear them?) they have a navy blue trim, grey mesh upper and I changed the laces to these fat red ones. I also threw them in the washing machine a few months ago so they're almost like new.
*i might also wear this brown, lighter brown and yellow scarf depending on how cold it is outside. Yesterday i was frozen but i wasn't nearly as much as i am today.

aye. Friday, February 27, 2004 05:29 a.m.

My dog was crying like crazy at my door last night. ugh. woke me up at 4 am or something.
He is now currently comatose on my bed.
Spoiled baby.

A meal only demons could love (this does not include the gwailos). Thursday, February 26, 2004 09:22 p.m.

While i was making dinner for my mom and myself tonight (she still hasn't returned yet from her choir practice therefore i'm not eating.) i realized that to 'stir fry' is really not something to brag about. it's about as rudimentary as boiling water.
I also learned tonight how to make another Chinese dish. This will sound so gross to some but it's a nostalgic favorite for my eldest sister and somewhat faint memory for myself and my other sister. I learned how to prepare... CHICKEN HEARTS.
they're pretty easy actually. just like stir frying is pretty easy also. (i made a stir fry pork tenderloin with chopped green beans, chillies, garlic, onions and satay sauce.)
It's so frigging easy. Everyone should cook. that way they won't be reduced to eating kippers and herrings out of a can with saltines.

The Divine Comedy Thursday, February 26, 2004 07:21 p.m.

My mom ordered The Divine Comedy by Dante. I'm pretty excited to read it.

the office environment: the 10th unofficial ring of hell. Thursday, February 26, 2004 06:46 p.m.

Today was definitely a 3 (1 being really easy, and 10 being anxiety stricken).
I felt like a highschooler waiting at a bus stop (heck i even looked like one standing next to them), the bus i catch is so close to my house, i could hold my breath. okay maybe not that close-it's actually on my way to my old highschool bus stop.
The only anxiety experienced today was a result of things that were outside of my control. The train I caught ended up getting delayed about 5-7 minutes, resulting in my missing of the connecting bus.
Big deal.
The actual work that required our help, had the learning curve of a negative value. brainless. I'm going to bring my cds to work to drown out the rantings of "white trash Pat" (a woman who sits across from me whom i've lovingly nicknamed because of the way she speaks). This woman was speaking about things such as how she drinks skim milk to be 'healthy' and how she can't stop eating 'chinese food because it's so good but it's low in fibre and fibre makes you full'.
Which is funny because the last time I checked, she wasn't Chinese and therefore couldn't possibly know what constitutes our diets.
I'm also getting kind of ill of the whole office scene. I mean it's bragworthy to an extent but I can see how easy it is to get sucked into the trap of really getting worked up about the actual work at hand. I know I've done it a few times and caught myself in the act.
I ran into my ex-coworker, Deborah, in the mall today. Truer words have never been spoken "I HATE Canada. Canada is for 9-5 jobs and old people."
I also booked a hair appointment at the salon. The big day is Monday at 6pm. Deborah yelled at me to get highlights at least 5 times but i'll think about it. Even when i left i heard "GET HIGHLIGHTS DAMNIT!!"
I'll think about it. My bank account has never been so low. Thank goodness i get paid every Friday. (i moved almost all of it to my savings account.)

i can't sleep. Thursday, February 26, 2004 12:12 a.m.

amidst my slow and unseemingly possible venture into dreamland, i remembered this old Ranma 1/2 cd i had from when i went to Hong Kong (at the age of 12). It was from the movie Nihao My Concubine! otherwise known as Kessen Tougenkyou! Hanayome O Torimdose!! or so my itunes says. Yeah i'm really impressed that it even recognized this cd. I thought for sure it would make me put in the track names but nope, it even had the ready to english translation of all the tracks and albums. oh my gosh.
Now keep in mind that I've had this cd since I was 12 and have not known the names of any of the tracks or even the name of the cd up until now. I just knew the North American title. That's 10 years of not knowing!
Yeah, i'm also being temporarily moved into some other department for the rest of this week, which requires me to go to bed really early to work 9-5 shifts.
It's amazing at how well your body will resist falling asleep. Especially seeing how i remember falling asleep a few times on the train home today.

ok reminder: Wednesday, February 25, 2004 11:16 p.m.

Brown (dark?), lighter brown(?), orange, pink, and white. (repeat).
Don't forget, buy them this weekend. start now.

Tuesday, February 24, 2004 10:56 a.m.

i want some French books. I need to brush up my conversational French not to mention my vocabulary.

IS THIS THE END??? Tuesday, February 24, 2004 10:47 a.m.

OH BOY, THINGS DON'T LOOK GOOD FOR OUR YOUNG HEROINE, WILL THIS BE THE END OF HER ADVENTURES? WILL SHE MANAGE TO FIND THE VIXBY DIAMOND BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE? WILL SHE FINALLY MANAGE TO TELL THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE HOW SHE FEELS OR WILL MR. X BEAT ZAP HER WITH HIS MEGATON DEATHRAY BEFORE SHE GETS THE CHANCE?
ONLY TIME WILL TELL. STAY TUNED. SAME TIME. SAME CRAP CHANNEL.
ALSO: tax season is coming soon.

My duplicitous life pt.1. Friday, February 20, 2004 12:30 a.m.

Life resumes as per usual. My mom has returned from her week long meeting, and my dogs are back at home resting on their respective beds (mine and my mother's).
Two schnauzers went into the kennel and one schnauzer and a beagle exit. Oscar's beard was so matted they had to shave it all off. I often wondered what they'd look like without any facial hair, and now i have an approximation. Very sketch worthy.
Right now i'm trying to get this french version of the Sailormoon song Moon Revenge. I remember my sister got me this cassette tape of Sailor Moon in Paris. It has the jazzed up version of the song Moon Revenge where they have people speaking in French (it's so cheesy and i love it).

one fine evening. Sunday, February 15, 2004 10:29 p.m.

I have the entire house to myself for this week-well up until thursday. It is really nice. My dogs were dropped off at the kennel earlier today. They'll get a haircut on their last day-i took pictures of them in their chewbacca phase.
I am officially by myself in my house. I think it's that time of the month where I get into that really strong hermit mood. such good timing.
Some other non-sequitur things:
-I have to schedule a hair appointment. my hair in the back touches the lower part of my neck. I think i want to take off about 4 or maybe 5 inches. I'll take a little off the front also, but I want to keep the front part longer than the back.
-I think i can pull off most looks, i mean, with respects to clothing. The only thing i won't ever do is thug myself out.
-hats are probably the one thing i'll never be able to buy in stores with the intention of wearing them. From here on they'll all have to be hand made by me (knitted of course). I think this will also apply to sweaters. I have so many, so if i want any more, i'm going to knit them.
-front loading washing machines are a godsend. I managed to wash all of my wool sweaters without the fuss of hand washing them or going to a dry cleaner (which i don't think is a very effective way of cleaning)

deny thy hunger and lurk in the shadows! Saturday, February 14, 2004 05:02 p.m.

my mom invited some of her loser interns over tonight. Worst day possible. I was planning on moping around. but now i'm "forcing" myself into seclusion. Which is fine, except trying to dodge in and out without being noticed is the hard part.
Who in their right mind would actually come to some strange woman's house for valentine's day just to play instruments? i mean. okay fine if said woman was young and single and had no children. but yeah okay i'm going to stop right there.
blurst it all. how the hell am i going to go downstairs now without being noticed?!

Allah n'est pas oblig� Thursday, February 12, 2004 12:32 a.m.

Read the title of a book a woman was holding at the bus stop.
The usual ride downtown rolled by faster than normal today as I read the newspapers. I slightly smirked reading the article about Dr. Atkins dying from heart failure and the mentioning of his obesity. I skimmed an article explaining that 'fat is the new smoking'. Some stuff on politics, local news and then I paused at an article about Valentine's day. The emphasis stressed sex. Repulsed, i arrested midway, it left me concluding that V-day will be the day of sex.
I'm undecided whether or not it's a good thing that the fourteenth falls on a saturday. I'll probably lock myself up in the studio and get back to some well deserved 'Art-and-Art' time (i.e. painting.).
As i was leaving the building today heading home, i caught my reflection walking towards the glass revolving door.
I didn't recognize my reflection.
A fleeting thought surfaced. I didn't know who or what I was.

T.G.I.T?! Wednesday, February 11, 2004 02:16 a.m.

tomorrow. i'm going to wear purple and nobody is going to stop me.
Before I left for work today, i was watching some tv show where they made over some women to make them look 'glamorous'. The thing is, when they're 'made over' they never look at all glamorous. They always look like some kind of rich version of a soccer mom or something. With the flippy highlighted hair, the leather shirt and the boot cut snakeskin pants with matching heels.
No. Seriously, the best way to know if the makeover is going to be any good at ALL is if you look at the stylists. If they resemble a cookie cutter ideal of what is 'hip' then the makeover is going to be super lame. Then again, to be able to discern if they're cookie cutter or not, is all in the one that perceives style i suppose.
I for one would never ask for some coiffed boob wearing highlighted red hair and snakeskin pants to make me over. Also, people who think they're being stylish by wearing only one color. aren't really stylish. they're being lazy. The two are often mistaken.
There's this one canadian chick that does a segment for this toronto morning show, i want to set her frizzy curly hair on fire. She says remarks like
"Ladies if you want to look good, you can't wear denim."
and then a year later says
"Denim is very in this season."
anyone who says or believes this kind of drivel dogma deserves a gigantic serving of adipose tissue in the gullet.
(okay for the record, i never use phrases like 'this is very in this season' not unless i'm quoting something i've read.)
Needless to say, said individual always wears a white suit.
so yeah. i'll wear this purple turtleneck tomorrow. the highlight of the week.
Oh another highlight: the dayshift manager bantered with me today. He emailed me something and i couldn't stop laughing at what he wrote. basically something to the effect of me trying to convince Fred to quit. Ho ho ho. the truth comes out.

Zodiac compatability meets szechuan cooking. Sunday, February 8, 2004 08:08 p.m.

Today my mom, my sisters and i went to a cathedral for church today. Afterwards we went downtown (steeltown-for those of you who know the area) for lunch. It was at a Szechuan (pronounced See-sh'wahn) restaurant that my mom claims is 'very authentic'. One of those unknown joints that serve amazing food.
Examining the placemats proved to be enough entertainment until the food came. It was a chinese zodiac explaining all the different signs. On the mats they explained the attributes of each animal and their compatability with others. My sister was cracking me up by calculating the age of her ideal man. hahahaha. The high compatabilities with my sign (the rooster) are the; serpent, ox and dragon.
So if you're any one of those, let's do lunch. WINK WINK.

"say it with me folks, 'eugh'." Sunday, February 8, 2004 08:02 p.m.

EUGH.
Someone just called me telling me that he's now living in Burlington. He moved away after we graduated. And now he's back, living in someone's house for a few months while he looks around for an apartment. Calling me up to let me know that he's 'here'.
I felt like using the "sorry i have to go, i'm washing my hair tonight." excuse but nobody actually uses that line. I said stuff like "congrats on getting the job." and "you should really throw a house party." (like i'd show up.)
Instead, i ended the conversation that i had to help my mom make dinner (that we were eating late-which in fact is true, we haven't eaten yet.). Afterwards i told my mom that if he ever calls again, tell him that i'm 'at work.'.

everything is a front Saturday, February 7, 2004 08:05 p.m.

I wish people knew how to debate and look at things objectively rather than getting all huffy, defensive and taking everything personally.
I also wish things this stupid (in the grand scheme of things) didn't bother me so much.

confessions of a shopaholic Saturday, February 7, 2004 01:21 a.m.

I really have to give away some of my clothes. at least 25%-35%. things that i really don't wear or ever will wear. the stuff that i cling on to. My sister last week offered to let me use her closet to hold stuff if I was running out of room (because everything right now is resting on the floor in piles.). When she said that, I realized I need to reduce my 'inventory'.
I have such admiration for people with only two pairs of jeans. or even one. if i could be like that. oh boy. i'd be in ecstasy. Then i'd keep a lot of my shirts and stuff. (I actually have about 10 pairs of jeans.)
I also have enough sweaters to last myself through six winters and then some (i believe). I probably own so many different shirts and sweaters that I could probably wear a different shirt, or sweater for at least two months. I could probably wear a different pair of pants for about... a week (dress pants i mean). If you include jeans and other casual pants, I could probably go for another week and a half-so almost a month. oh crap. I have too much.
My oldest sister is here for the weekend, she told me that we're going shopping tomorrow morning. there is no way in hell that i'm buying anything. maybe i'll sleep in instead.
I should have a clothing bazaar or something. I can see this being a big event a few years down the road. the emptying of my closet. haha.

twist turn. Sunday, February 1, 2004 02:10 a.m.

I put a thin gold ring on my left hand today (on my left ring finger). It feels weird.

~ ~ ~ ~ Saturday, January 31, 2004 06:11 p.m.

(I thought I'd never place one of these here but...)
Morpheus

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
Much needed rest was acquired today. I'm still in my fantastic white, red and baby blue shorts and red hoodie that i've been wearing since i awoke this noon hour.
I'm almost finished knitting the rest of the back of my sweater, i'll be moving onto the sleeves soon enough.
Furthermore, i like this journal (even if i do have an audience). I have never written so frequently in anything in my life. I never want to write about club hopping or the dating scene.
well the last part moreso.
I also finally watched that bjork dvd my sister gave me for my birthday last year. Pretty nice and insightful. I want to relisten to all of my bjork cds now (on my ipod).

in the corporate vernacular that means 'hello'. Friday, January 30, 2004 12:14 a.m.

I attended another business meeting with regards to up and coming changes in the whole company. While drifting in and out of consciousness, my ears perked up when I heard Fred use the word "onus". Surprised, amused and almost impressed I continued to listen, then I heard him use it again in the same train of thought.
I then resumed to zone out.
I think people in that whole executive tier all share some collective dictionary. They like to use a lot of the same words like "cognizant", "imperative" and now "onus". And while it may seem to them that they're coming off as extremely articulate, they're just being pretentious and falling on their faces when they can't think of other adjectives with the same meaning.
I think it was yesterday when i was walking down the same way approaching Bob and he gesticulated shooting me with a gun. I said to him:
"What?"
"That's just my way of saying hello."
"oh. I thought you were implying I was next or something. I guess that's how you say that sorta thing in the corporate world huh?"
For a while there I was worried I had lost my soul to the company. But after spending more time with my co-workers and realizing that we all share similar feelings, i'm reassured.
The fun thing about office gossip is realizing that after hearing all the 'hot talk', you really don't care.

Ellen, you lucky biatch. You got an A+ Monday, January 26, 2004 12:50 a.m.

What i found today will be added to a gift package. One that I will mail out... sometime by the end of this month.
I thought getting off work due to the weather was the best thing to happen to me today. Well winning the lottery or a scholarship to Parsons would be better....
ANYWAY,
As per ususal on my trek home, i ascended to the top level of the train car. I looked for a newspaper. I briefly skimmed some boring article about that stupid red headed talk show host whose name eludes me at the moment. All I know is that taxpayer's money is funding his week long stay here in Toronto and people are upset about it. The article coverart had a depiction of him as King Kong and Mike Myers, as Dr. Evil, in his fist.
I scavenged for better articles on the front page. I only had the one section. I paused when I discovered a pencilled scrawl. I initially thought it was a part of the cover art.
A clandestine confession!!! Forbidden love. From an older man to a presumably younger female (possibly a student) .
(CONAN O'BRIEN!! AHG.)
Anyway the letter read as follows:
Ellen,
           I know this is crazy,
but I really like you.  I'm 
too old, married, a teacher
yet I can't stop this 
attraction - sorry to 
bother you ~ please
take it as a compliment
and I will not bother 
You any more!
I wonder if she even read that section of the newspaper? Maybe she was one of those disgruntled taxpayers and threw that section out in a protest?

CNY Sunday, January 25, 2004 02:29 a.m.

well it was the CNY (Chinese New Year) on thursday. We celebrated yesterday. Long dinner. I wore a red wool cardigan I bought at the last minute for the occaision (i tried to find anything else, even red studded earrings... no luck). Everything in the mall was either brown, tan, some annoying shade of blue or some dried blood color. All except this cardigan which was the exact shade of red that I envisioned. I told myself that I wouldn't wear it because this gross person at my work has the same one...Then i saw the price tag, ten bucks less than what I saw it for a few weeks ago (already on sale at the time).
I'm on my second day of being sick. During the viewing of Magnolia tonight, i started imagining that I'd pass out and fall on the floor at work on Monday. (magnolia was alright).
I have this hangup. Whenever I feel terrible, I wear nice clothes. Nicer than usual I would say. It's a subconscious thing that's turned conscious. For example, I've started wearing ties because they're neat. And they make me feel nicer looking.
I didn't buy the pair of cons like I said i would. I'm glad too. I would've turned into an instant emo kid-in appearance only.

I popped enough pills today to make drug addicts proud. Friday, January 23, 2004 9:05 a.m.

I woke up abnormally early today. I think it may have been a result of needing to go to the bathroom.
My throat, well actually my sinus area feels like i've been inhaling razor blades. I made some juice and probably clocked back three different kinds of pills (six in total).
As I sit in a lotus position clad in a burgundy cashmere sweater and boxer shorts, I contemplate what to do with the rest of the morning. Make breakfast? No way jos�! Get some new music? Okay. Work out? Hm...In half an hour perhaps.
I also had a dream that this store was selling cons for $15. I think it's a sign...But in the dream they didn't have any left because everyone bought them.

it's snowing again outside. Thursday, January 22, 2004 10:53 a.m.

After another successful morning workout, i made preparations for lunch and dinner tonight.
I saw something wrapped in tin foil on the table. I unwrapped it and remembered seeing it last night. Chocolate chip cupcakes. I'm not the kind of person who'd think that after just working out, consuming one of these would somehow 'ruin everything'. Let's be realistic here.
To my utter disappointment, the 'cupped cake' was salty. I thought it may have been because my mouth was dried out from excercise. I took another bite. What I thought was a chocolate chip, was a mushroom. Cream of mushroom cakes. Great.

Oh sinnerman, where ya gonna run to? Wednesday, January 21, 2004 09:56 a.m.

online banking is so nice.
i'm starting to worry if i've lost my soul. Y'know, as a result of working Dante's office inferno.

The worst dessert i've ever had... Sunday, January 18, 2004 09:29 p.m.

i went out for dinner tonight. Gate of India was the name. My mom had this book of coupons for restaurants and other popular places. She's made it her goal this year to use at least 10-15 coupons from the book (normally we only use about five). She recieved it as a gift from our parish priest.
I also had quite the discussion at length with my mother about Roman Catholicism, the church, what bothers us, and that I'm supposed to be very compatible with Modern Quakers.
It was fun. I also found out that there's a martini bar in the neighboring city. I think I'll have to use the coupon this summer.

Saturday, January 17, 2004 12:13 a.m.

I feel there are so many things about myself that are second or third class. I can't let this be my story.

white hell (reprise) Wednesday, January 14, 2004 11:58 p.m.

I got let off work early. In fact they were in the process of closing down the building after I left.
On the drive home, I talked with my mom about the 'worst snow storm of 70s'. She told me about how the hospital was closed down and that she and my father were so brave to drive out to pick up my sisters from the nursery (referred to as 'the babies'). She said that one could only see 3ft ahead at a time.
It's not that bad here though.
Walking the dogs tonight was fast. I walked ahead of my dogs blazing a nice trail for them to walk in. The snow was too high for them, about mid-calf for me. I didn't have to persuade them much to turn around. The most reluctant one, Cally, lead the way home. My pant cuffs were soaked and started freezing up against my legs, resulting in extreme discomfort. I played a 'game' with my dogs and unleashed them and let them run back with me.
I'm a little paranoid about getting frostbite. I had a really bad run in with the cold when I was six or so and ever since, I'm always wary of the temperature of my skin. When i got home i took off my pants I saw that the frozen cuffs had resulted in bright pink rings around my legs.
That faded and then i resumed my plans to try on this lemon yellow t-shirt i purchased for 7 dollars.
Yellow is my new favorite color to investigate.
I'm also in the process of working on a painting I promised a friend for his birthday ages ago. I really have to get to it. It's long belated.

[Insert expletive here] Wednesday, January 14, 2004 10:35 a.m.

STOP SNOWING.
Tonight is going to be -30 and it's supposed to snow tonight. So much for this person's theory that it can't snow and be inhumanely cold at the same time.
That's the last time i listen to theories from the farm.

!!! Wednesday, January 14, 2004 02:12 a.m.

there's something really funny about having a 'back' button and having an online journal. i just don't know how to articulate it fully.
furthermore, the cold snap has returned. back to -30 weather this week.

Because I can. can. can. can (in fact). Tuesday, January 13, 2004 12:29 a.m.

I'm quite the expert in pimples. Well I'd like to believe that at least.
The worst kind are the type that really hurt and just linger as a red mass. You don't see any kind of weakness (i.e. a white head for extracting via extreme pressure). I'm currently recovering from the aforementioned type. In my household we call these 'mormels'-a reference to a type of monster in a book my oldest sister read as a kid.
The best part about having one of these are the people who are completely clueless and ask questions like "what happened to your nose?" and ask "is it cold outside? your nose is a little red."
Right now my face feels like it's being vacuum sealed. I was cleaning out the bathroom cupboards and I found some facial mask by some company that made a cleanser i used a while back.
Other things to mention:
-It snowed at least six inches last night. I got massive shinsplints hiking through the snow.
-A man sat beside me on the bus today and I was almost going to pass out because he smelled like some gross Chinese food or something (i guessed chow mein).
-I made the last purchase of the month, canary yellow yarn for that sweater I'll finish someday.
I should probably wash this thing off. Good thing it's almost empty.

:T Monday, January 12, 2004 10:37 a.m.

why do i keep going to bed so late? Ugh.
HEY HEY! (HA HA)
HO HO! (HA HA)

the opposite of bling Monday, January 12, 2004 12:59 a.m.

A few hours ago I transferred about 60% of my income into a high interest account. The interest isn't really that high, but I made that account mainly to keep my mitts off of my daddy warbucks fund. I plan on transferring more money into that account, and leaving me with the basics (like around $500-$700). It'll be enough to cover transportation and any kind of small spending. And every time i spend or get a paycheck, I'm arranging to skim off whatever is necessary and reallocate things to the savings account. Thus leaving me with the allowed sum.
Oh to be rich.

did you listen to the superette songs i sent you? Sunday, January 11, 2004 02:28 a.m.

haha well something funny happened tonight. A friend called me all the way from New Zealand.
"You sound SO Canadian!! hahaha!!"
I'm further investigating voice chat programs now. I found a pretty good one, but it requires some router sorcery. (this program has both pc and mac versions) I think this'll be a great way to talk to my friends both locally and internationally.

pending RFI Sunday, January 11, 2004 12:01 a.m.

My sister and I went out all day today. We were on errands. I managed to pick up a new winter jacket because my previous one was merely a fashioncoat. Stupid zipperless jacket and flimsy buttons. 2002-03 was the year of the worst purchases ever. So many wasted dollars on things I'll never wear again (although my fashioncoat is good otherwise. just not in extreme cold conditions).
Anyway. my new coat is much better, a drastic improvement and it's warm to boot. A black parka, fur and sherpa lined hood and it's down fill. Knee length. Oh and it's also water resistant. That is such an added bonus.
I'm obsessed with clothes and yet at the same time I kind of despise the fashion industry, especially haute couture. I think I'm a very ready-to-wear no nonsense type of person. I'd like my clothing to really imbue that kind of mentality (but at the same time look really interesting).
We went on a nice hike in the sub sub zero weather. I think I had phantom pains in my legs for about an hour after the walk. The pain was from the cold, not from muscle fatigue.
Here's to almost having frostbite...again.

I gotta man who makes me wanna KILL! PLEASE!!! Friday, January 9, 2004 01:05 a.m.

I survived the coldest day of the winter season right now. People at my work were all in trembling fear of frigidity of the outdoors today. I laughed at them. I knew it wouldn't be that bad. Minus thirty-six degrees celcius ain't so bad.
yes it is. coming home wasn't unbearable. but when i got out of the train station i took a fatally deep breath and felt my trachea freeze up a bit. Immediately I stopped breathing.
then walking my dogs at midnight almost resulted in frostbite of my kneecaps.
I'm currently reading the graphic novel Jimmy Corrigan by Chris Ware. My oldest sister gave it to me for Christmas. She likes giving books as presents. It's pretty wacky and visceral. I have yet to finish it.

professional free range chicken. Thursday, January 8, 2004 10:06 a.m.

I remember reading a while back that some celebrity, was getting paid five million dollars to work out. that's five and then six zeroes. to work out. and to go on a diet.
And that's on top of what they were getting contracted for in the movie.
No matter how hard 'actors' say they have it, i'll never believe it.
I mean, the ones that make it and still say the above are full of feces.

It's always on my mind. I eat drink and sleep it. Thursday, January 8, 2004 12:40 a.m.

I'm entering my fourth month at my current employment. Today someone quit on their second day of 'training'. I put the term in quotes because they didn't have enough new people to fill a class (only two people). Consequently these folks had to sit and watch people do their work. I guess it was too overwhelming for that guy. He didn't like the commute and I don't blame him. If I had to do training until 11pm for a job that confused the hell out of me, yeah I'd have left on the first day most likely.
Alex, this old hipster East Indian man at my work, is really into rock music. He likes Oasis and Aerosmith and gives everyone nicknames. His hair is grey with some black signature curls at the top of his forehead. I've even grown accustomed to the single hair that grows out the top of his bulbous nose (i no longer have the urge to pull it out with tweezers). On his upper lip is a push broom moustache. He's a living charicature of an old ink line drawing.
Alex confirmed the belief (mine) that the company is a soul sucking device. We discussed employment at other places and within the company. He made sure to let us know that if we (me and another coworker whom i haven't mentioned yet) found a job that wasn't amazing but even better than our current one, to leave as soon as possible-because once they no longer need you, they'll set you loose. No surprises here.
He then started shovelling out excrement and threw at us that they installed cameras in the fire extinguishers. I called him on this to dispel my naive coworker's apprehension.
Sitting on the bus today, I saw a minivan. The license plate was from New York. I pondered briefly if the driver would let me stow away in his trunk and take me away, far way from 2. Robert Speck Rd.
I still have at least a full year of working at some kind of job to save up money for my plans to live abroad. Things do seem bleak now, but it's like some higher being throws daily glints of my future in my direction. More like subtle messages. It's not specific really. I just know that I'm meant to be somewhere else. And I know not to give up.

M Wednesday, January 7, 2004 01:02 a.m.

Today I imagined leading a life without bitterness. I think I really liked it.

Jesse, i'll always make the wine cold for you~! Tuesday, January 6, 2004 03:05 a.m.

I had so many things to write about today. Oh well. it's so late. i'm tired. and i forgot what clever little anecdote i was going to lay out.
I do know that I shop a lot. I bought s'more clothes. criminally inexpensive. I think i'll go back to that store and try on some other t-shirts for five dollars.

what was that about freshwater fish? Saturday, January 3, 2004 1:18 a.m.

it's been almost three days and somewhere on my body, it still smells like cigarette smoke. Three searing showers, intense scrubbing with body gel and epsom salts and I'm still getting phantom cigarette traces coming from somewhere. I think I may have shed a hair with the scent in my room somewhere.
Today at my desk, I was frantic with doing some 'new shit' that was never introduced to us. One of my co-workers noticed that I had purchased something from the mall nearby.
She continued to make small talk with me, asking me if things were still on sale and where to find sales. I think she must've been born in a pea pod. I just told her that she just has to walk around. Although I never thought she bought clothes from any recent or contemporary stores.
Being in her late twenties, I would have guessed that she borrows her mom's clothes. Which may explain why she never knows about any sales. She does have this neat 'fruits' vest that I quite admire, but would never wear. It's embroidered and beaded FRUIT on a blue knitted V neck button up vest. It's gutsy.
Back to the ever elusive point of the story.
Diana decided to let me get back to work. As she was leaving, I reached out for my computer mouse. She stops. Turns her head. Cocks her eyes in the direction of my ring finger. Scuttles back into my cubicle and gets into a frenzy about my ring.
"Did you change your ring too?! Is that gold?! I don't remember seeing that ring!? When did you change it?!..."
Somewhere in her flurry of questions, I tried to explain but it was in vain.
"Well, actually I got married..."
(HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)
And then at that point, some people who were eavesdropping turned around and shouted exclamations and someone even shouted "COOL!".
Of course I was kidding. I just told her that it is a part of a twin set I handcrafted and that the silver twin was lying somewhere on a counter in my house.
The next fun thing was coming home. The platform at my home station was shiny and completely covered in rain. I blasted myself towards the exit. I noticed some prissy girl that had stopped running and paused before the door. As if she were expecting her male companion to come out with his coat, ready to throw onto the puddle, that I had not noticed...
I sprinted, I lept and I splashed...Prissy McSticklegs really badly. All I heard was some wailing and I continued to bolt down the stairs and through the hallway. Most likely she was mad she was saying something at me but I was too busy actually getting out of the rain rather than concerning how pretty i looked at the moment. She also wasn't getting any drier standing in front of the door.
Everyone should splash in the puddles at least once in their lives. I now want wellingtons more than ever (preferably white or green).

Burning down the house Friday, January 2, 2004 11:19 a.m.

Man. I feel like I'm being thrown back into a pirana pool.

I'm not a mind-reader. Thursday, January 1, 2004 08:03 p.m.

This is probably how I should always spend New Years.
Let me start out by saying, Mercer Union's NYE party was totally low-budget. I thought it was so cleverly done. AAH totally shoestring budget and it was so obvious that they were trying to raise money for their holy causes. Drink tickets were five bucks a pop. Twenty for five (so you save five dollars. woo). I had a drink or two or four I can't remember. I also had my friends giving me so many free drink tickets (they were working the night). I had to share the tickets to stave off nausea for the night.
I went with my oldest sister and her fiance. As lame as that may sound, it was really cool. My future brother-in-law, had an amazing time, so that made my sister happy, she danced crazily and feverishly with him. If they're both happy well, that made me pretty happy.
I danced a bit, well a lot but not nearly as much as Angus did. I also re-realized that my hair isn't very conducive for dancing. It's more apropos for lounging and a 'look cool' atmosphere.
I also dressed pretty low key. These really nice navy slacks, a grey golf shirt, and a brown canvas jacket, oh and i had these really funked out Royal Elastics shoes. The shoes and the jacket tied it all together.
All of which now are totally either reek of cigarettes or encrusted in beer filth. I washed the shoes but the rest all needs a good cleaning.
I should backtrack a fair bit first...
Here's how things went:
I had heard about this party at my own party. I asked friends what they were doing for NYE. I found out about Mercer Union's party. Things were starting to settle. I also discussed going to this party with my sisters and Angus.
Closer to the date, things were falling apart. 'decoagulating' if such a term exists. (I know it doesn't so don't bother looking it up.)
Then at the last minute (new year's eve) I got calls from my hometown friends asking me if I wanted to hang out with them and watch tv on NYE. I started to feel bad because I hadn't really talked to my old friends at my party. I was too busy serving drinks and being drunk to make much banter.
I decided I'd reside in Burlington for NYE, thus concluding another epic year with a gratifying nothing.
Then after talking with my sister yesterday, she really didn't have to twist my rubber arm too much before I decided I'd take the next train to Toronto. I really did want to go, I just wanted my friends from home to come too.
I hopped the train, got there, met up with my sister, then helped her find a top to wear (record time i might add: 1 minute), then met up with Angus, then went out for Korean food (i had lamb bibmbahb or however way you spell it). The stores closed before the rest of us could find anything. It's just as well, I shop too much anyway.
After we arrived at Angus' place, we made a few drinks, I felt nauseous and was reminded of the hangover of two weeks prior. I've declared that I'm a featherweight when it comes to alcohol. No more tolerance for me. no sir.
Angus was quite the cobbler. I called him Gipetto but then I remembered that Gipetto made puppets and not shoes. Angus was reinforcing the heel of his boots and applying rubber cement to various trouble zones of my sister's sandals. I remained lying on the bed watching them.
We arrived. I got let in ahead of the line because I'm just the coolest cat with all the connections.
Drank a little much, danced a little more, sweated it all out, and then repeated.
The club itself was nice. One main dance hall area with a bar and on the other side there was a lounge also equipped with a bar. Some weird doped out guy came up to me and said:
"DANIEL?"
i turned, looked and said
"uh..hi..?" (i immediately turned back to resume my conversation).
"OH!" he said, and walked away.
haha no, i'm not daniel. but thanks for trying there buster. do us a favor and do more heroin or whatever it was you were doing. Angus claimed that this guy had stumbled onto some girl's breast and almost walked into a column. What a crackhead. His associate was this concoction of cowboy nastiness. Clad in the tighest jeans I have ever seen, lower than hell itself and wearing some black vest and a silver cowboy hat. I remember seeing a group of girls pointing and laughing and then looking over to realize that his asscrack was exposed when he was bending over to talk to his drugged out friend. And don't get me wrong, the cowboy was drugged up too. Limbering in and out with bowlegged ecstasy.
At one point I was slipping all over the floors due to the spilled beer. I left my group to talk to other groups. I left my sister to go into the lounge and rest for a minute. While looking 'chic' leaning against a dark wall, i slipped and almost wiped out on my ass. Thankfully my reactions were quick and my other leg kicked in.
Just as we were leaving, I managed to successfully STEAL a commemorative poster. I have the best souvenirs from last night's party: -1 black button with the words "MERCER UNION" in lite-brite letters
-1 silver button that simply has 2004 on it. (my friends tried to get me some but they had run out. Luckily i found this on the floor when i was helping my friend pick up beer bottles and glasses.)
-a piece of the cheesy faux crystal chandelier. I guess the balloons knocked a few pieces off alignment and resulting in shards falling on the dancefloor.
-and that poster I pilfered.
-i guess this journal entry counts also.
I guess the one thing that would have completed everything would have to be someone's phone number given to me, and written in lipstick or in pen but on a bar napkin-something really cliche. That would have made this collection so complete and frame-worthy. (I probably wouldn't have called the person back. Or maybe i would have?)
We walked the way back home. Which was relaxing and about 20 or 30 minutes walking. We stopped by a variety store and picked up some overpriced french fries and mini pizzas. They were kinda gross, (i guess angus' oven wasn't strong enough), but they did the trick. I awoke with no hangover. just a strong desire to go to the bathroom, which is normal.
The whole dancing dancefloor dialect is beyond my comprehension. When people who weren't dancing, trying to catch your eye, and when they do, suddenly walk up to you and dance very closely to you, does that mean anything? It does right? Shit. Someone clue me in.
i'm starving. I haven't eaten anything since 4am this morning. Well i ate an apple at around 3 this afternoon.
I'll post pictures of what i snapped later this week. I also asked my sister to take a picture of me for a new year's portrait I intend to paint.
And if there was a song to be the official soundtrack to my 2004NYE celebration, it must be Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order. That song stuck with me so well last night when they spun it out. (it was also on my christmas mix cd.)
I'm just glad that I actually did something for a change. phew to that.
NYE NOT NYC Wednesday, December 31, 2003 01:30 p.m.

twenty five minutes left. finished showering. now must pack.
going to this

How the lord of the rings stole my afternoon. Sunday, December 28, 2003 05:22 p.m.

yep. I went to the movies today. I saw the final installment of the trilogy. I now have a crick in my neck and it's dark outside.
It was pretty good, albeit long, but consistent in quality.
I'm also being haunted by New York. Everywhere I turn I see little clippings of ads or articles with the hyped up city name emblazoned across. I'm starting to feel sick.
I need some new music for my mixlist.

Go ask alice... Saturday, December 27, 2003 10:53 a.m.

Here's how to not keep a new year's resolution: publicly annouce it.

please no more jean jackets! (i now have 5). Friday, December 26, 2003 10:41 p.m.

well i actually have four. multiples of five just sound nicer.
Christmas came by so quickly. I guess working and commuting twelve hours a day has that effect. I'll have to try this Christmas thing again. Next time I want to be a student...working part-time.
My bank account has never been so healthy. I'm quite proud of the amount I've accrued. I also realized that I'll have to part with all of it, when i go to New York for school. Oh well, money is meant to be earned and spent. Nothing more and nothing less.
This year around, I wanted to sleep in but I woke to the sound of my name being called out followed by "... opening presents" and other mumblings. After gift exchanging and opening (which i might like to mention, i was still trying to regain warmth and sleep under a fleece blanket on the couch) I remained awake.
And now boxing day is here, and in another hour, it'll be over. I didn't do any shopping. There just aren't any good stores in these areas anymore. Or maybe i'm just a shopping saturated snob (a triple 'S').
On that note, in a gift exchange with my cousins, I received a certificate redeemable at a mall in the neighboring city. I think i'll get some shoes for new year's and work.

... pt.1 Wednesday, December 24, 2003 03:43 p.m.

Christmas eve already? geez.
(more details will ensue).

oh! Sunday, December 21, 2003 02:57 p.m.

As i was putting away the glasses and remaining alcohol, I noticed the sake and PLUM WINE that my friend had brought last night. No WONDER. The apple juice and sake also had plum wine. And in each cup there was at least two shots. (i had 3 of those drinks. I know that for sure).
Sneaky little bastards.

Linda Blair has nothing on me. Sunday, December 21, 2003 01:35 p.m.

Firstly I'd like to commemorate that this party was really successful. I'm only a bit upset that I didn't get to spend nearly as much time as I wanted to with everyone. Future plans are already under way.
Secondly, I drank way too much. Considering that I don't drink often. What I had last night was extreme. here's what i drank:
-3 strawberry champagnes
-2 or 3 sake and apple juice combos.
-1 white hot chocolate (there's a shot of liquor in it).
Hah! i just realized how bad my memory is of last night. I actually had at least 4-5 strawberry champagnes. I kept on making drinks and people would be like "oh isn't that one yours? i had one..." And of course, i ended up drinking those phantom drinks.
In retrospect it may seem i didn't drink a lot but.. ugh. I don't know. All i DO know was that I had the first puking hangover of my life. I never get hangovers but last night and this morning... Geez us.
There were some other silly factors at play here that 'aided' in my rapid sickness; for starters, i didn't eat anything all day yesterday because i was so tense with anticipation and preparation. I also hadn't slept very much the previous night. Probably one of the dumber things i could ever do. That's the real secret of my 'no hangovers', it's that i usually drink after i've had dinner or something.
After most of the people left it was just me and another two guests. One had gone to bed at around 11pm, i brought him downstairs to the couch. The other guest and I continued to drink and discuss things. In our drunken stupor i learned so much. Thankfully i remembered it all. I'll get around to clearing things up though.
I ended up sleeping at around 3am. I knew my body was rejecting all of the fluids I wrecklessly consumed. I went into the bathroom and I felt like I belonged in an after school special about bulemia. I just remember acid reflux, red fluid and massive massive discomfort. It was like ejecting a fetus from my oral cavity. I felt like I was choking. The second time I had to do this, it just happened. Like a reflex to standing over the sink.
and now i have to change my bedsheets because they smell like tortillas and salsa. Which I now refuse to eat. ever. again.

It's something o clock, do you know where your children are? Saturday, December 20, 2003 08:37 p.m.

It's the fated hour now.
I'm cleaned up, my clothes are pressed, the food is set out, glasses are sparkling under the chandelier, bottles are being chilled and cds are being burnt.
A few people cancelled today and this brought my spirits down however, after a searing hot shower and a few more phone calls (more people confirming that they ARE coming). I feel light, warm and prickly.
Earlier this afternoon I was feeling so irritated that whenever one of my friends called the first thing i'd say was "you're cancelling right?"

geez Saturday, December 20, 2003 03:24 p.m.

I love senor Coconut.
NO NEED TO ASK, HE'S A SMOOTH OPERATOR!

HELLO THERE PEGGY! Saturday, December 20, 2003 02:26 p.m.

I finished cleaning. There are just some things that will always remain a mess. I've accepted that they're just a part of the background. Places like the mail counter and kitchen desk will be and always shall be a disaster.
Besides, I believe the kitchen desk and mail counter are not going to be where people will be residing for the night.
All that's left now is to make the hummus, hem my pants for the party, take a shower and doll myself up. I should be done all of this well before 5pm.

OH SHIT!!! Saturday, December 20, 2003 12:55 p.m.

THE COUNTDOWN IS ON!! I JUST FINISHED BUYING EVERYTHING FOR THE PARTY AND THEN SOME.
SEVEN HOURS.
BITCH YOU'D BETTER MOVE!

P-P-Jitters? Saturday, December 20, 2003 01:04 a.m.

So I got another cancellation on me at the very last minute. This time it's a friend who I was really looking forward to seeing. I'm still pretty irritated that she cancelled due to 'work'. But even more upsetting is that my other friend IS coming and she's bringing her boyfriend. Which wouldn't be so weird if it weren't for the following reasons:
-They've broken up like... 4 times and gotten back together I'm assuming the same amount.
-the guy hates me. He's always calling her and we're always hanging out (well this was in school). Things are always so tense when I'm in the same room as him. My friend is a total idiot for bringing him along. fuck. i don't want him to come.
-he's a business student. he went to the most expensive private school in Canada ('but he's not rich!' so says my friend). He's actually a really nice guy but all the same, i'm kind of irritated he's coming.
I think i'm just more upset that my other friend couldn't come. The ratio of 'haters' is drastically decreasing it seems. well. not really. But the friend that cancelled is one of the better conversationalists other than myself and a few other people. SIGH oh well.

I see you baby.. Friday, December 19, 2003 11:20 a.m.

The mix cd for my party is 37 tracks long... SO FAR.
Yah I need to go buy some blank cds either today or tomorrow.
and cases. yah those would be a smart decision.
Oh yah, I'm also giving out the mix cd(s) as part of the party favor.

here's why Friday, December 19, 2003 02:26 a.m.

Why I'd like a "bedazzler":
-I've been thinking how neat it'd be to draw on a plain t-shirt, embroider the lines and then put sequins or rhinestones over certain areas. like filling in an area.
-if you can get the rhinestones to be really close together, you could almost have a solid mirrored line/areas.
-I also want to make t-shirts with geishas, or goldfish motifs on them.
so yah. I'd like one. But i don't know if i'd buy one myself.

HAPPY SUMMER WEDDINGU. Friday, December 19, 2003 12:02 a.m.

onemoredayonemoredayonemoredayonemoredaymoreoneonemroreososerou.
Things I check on/or buy:
-alcohol (how much on reserve we have already)
-glasses, I think I might need a few more champagne glasses, like maybe... 2 or 3. (this is just for one particular drink-I know we have tons of regular wine glasses and stuff) We already have 6 flutes and I'm pretty sure a few people aren't drinking. For the non-alcoholic drinks, we have plenty of cups.
-some meat hors d'oeuvres, although I think those won't be too popular.
-Some cheese.
-Salmon Pate-or smoked salmon slices. yah. that'd be nice.
-I need to make that mix cd. oh my gosh, i think it'll be 3 cds long. I got an enormous tracklist from someone.
-On that last note, I need to buy a spool of blank cds.
I still have to get around to stuffing those loot bags. I'm excited. The pressure's on!
SELF CAN YOU HANDLE THIS JELLY?
I MOST CERTAINLY CAN.
Oh yah, that silly company dinner is tomorrow. I already made sure to curse the food that Fred eats. I saw the menu choice he made, he's having the meat lasagna and caesar salad. Fattening food choice of idiots. Let's hope he chokes or something. (i'm having chicken souvlaki and a greek salad)

jesus is the reason for the season! Thursday, December 18, 2003 01:07 a.m.

That is actually a quote that i saw on somebody's backpack on my way to work the other day. I thought it was cute in the obvious kitsch way.
ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh 1 more day until the 19th and one more day after that until the 20th.
Someone cancelled on me, however someone else I invited is coming is bringing another person I meant to invite but didn't due to my lack of contact. Even Steven. No pun intended (steve was the name of the guy who cancelled).
I'm getting a little nervous now. As I said before. anticipation is my flesh consuming disease.
I need to get some actual recipes set out for more drinks to make other than that special mystery 'class' drink my dad told me.
Oh yah, and as for work, I'm doing nearly twice as much work as I did last week, so that will definitely keep the bulldog crossover with a baboon from breathing down my neck.
Speaking of work, there's this obligatory company dinner happening this Friday. I had to pay $9 for some meal I didn't want in the first place. Quelle waste.

c'est la mother-fuckin' vie countdown 1997! Tuesday, December 16, 2003 11:05 a.m.

4 more days and at least 12 people are coming. (11 people I know and one mystery guest). That's 11 people out of 15 invites-I allowed everyone to bring as many friends as they wanted (but really i meant 1 guest)
I won't be able to sleep a minute Friday night, because Saturday I have last minute drinks to buy, extra champagne glasses to purchase, and the anticipation eating me alive.
I love this kind of stuff, in case you didn't know.
I've got this shit held down.

When i was young-- Monday, December 15, 2003 12:42 a.m.

I'm testing the archiving function on my journal. I just noticed that the very first entries of my journal were erased. I recently uploaded some photos. So if you want to see the entry before this one, click 'vintaged life' at the top of the window. I think i might email the support for pitas to see if I can remove my archive page or something. I don't like the navigation confusion it creates.
 

i <3 pitas